Hello there,
How are you? I hope joy is radiating all around and through you and may you carry a smile on the inside at all times. I send you many great big hugs.
As for me, I am still at the Sivananda Ashram. I can't seem to leave. I am met the most amazing people and am bonding with just gorgeous people, well women actually. I put it out there to connect with women and it's happening left and right. We are supporting each other, laughing, crying, hugging, snuggling, joking, eating, sharing fruit and stories with one another.
I want to put all of them in my bag and take them with me, especially two of them-Laura and Helene. Helene I'll be seeing in Sydney when I get there, but Laura she's off to England in a few days, she seems like a great sister. Oh, then there was Lawrence, she is the little sister I never had, OH my gosh I love her, she lives in Colorado so I'll be seeing her again. I got her up on stage dancing last week.
Last week I told you that there is a talent show, well I kind of went over board trying to get people up on stage and doing my own things as well. Well it was fun but I was pooped! I did 5 out of the 8 acts that got up. YIKES! I did a solo dance, a solo song, a duet dance with Lawrence, a trio with Viv and Laura and a duet with Viv. Wow it is so nice to play on stage.
Last week I taught a body awareness class through movement to everyone, plus sang and danced. It was nice to share my work with everyone. I'm not sure when I'm leaving but Laura already has me down to perform on Saturday, I told her I maybe gone by then.
I have mixed feelings. I am loving being here, but part of me is feeling trapped inside the walls of the ashram, only to be let out on Fridays. But what keeps me here are a few things, one is I can hold a head stand now for over 3 minutes, after 2 1/2 weeks I am doing the scorpion from the headstand with support from a teacher or the wall, within days I maybe doing it myself, yet I'm not touching my head with my toes yet.
This is an Asana where you are on your forearms and your body is up in the air, your back arched back and your feet come down to your head and your head is off the ground. So the only thing on the floor is your forearms. I never thought I'd be doing this, but it's amazing. What a powerful posture and so happy I'm strong enough and getting confident enough to start trying it on my own! I'm thrilled.
Plus I am loving the chanting. I think I'm going to start leading some of the chants. They are so lovely and stick in my head. I go to bed and wake up chanting. It's brilliant-what a gorgeous way to wake up! Funny, when I hear these words I hear an English accent as I'm around Laura-my lovely British friend! Makes me smile!!! ; ) Finding family every where around the world!
Of course doing this work all kinds of stuff comes up but thank goodness for the lake and thankfully the girls are there. I had an incredible breakdown the other day and Laura just held me for must have been 20-30 minutes and she would have held me longer but I couldn't breathe. Oh she reminds of my friends in Flagstaff, AZ where I was raised, such an open heart and trusting of life. It's so nice to be just loved so fully and completely. I am grateful for all of these situations, interactions and reminders of who I want to be when I grow up!!! ; ) The message is love, more love and a side order of love and listening of course!
The other amazing thing is there are tons of lightning bugs here, they get on your mosquito net and their little light bulb butt lights up a yellow green color as they walk around the net or fly around in eratic patterns of lighting and they light the whole room at times and in the bushes. So lovely to be so close to nature.
I've been doing visualization meditation for relaxation lately and all that comes to mind is being in nature, my feet in the grass or river, on the rocks, dancing in nature with flowing clothes on. Yet the visual of this home keeps coming to mind too, I wonder if I'll be finding it on this trip. I'll see. But I'm loving the visuals, my country girl nature wants to come out!
Since I've been here I've been touching, hugging and kissing as many people as I can as it's so nice to be close. I met this lovely women from Chili and I went up to her, kissed her cheek and gave her a hug and she responded with "you have Amma energy" well I'll take that as a compliment, how beautiful is that. I've always loved hugs, it's just my thing, thank goodness others get out of it some of what I do!!
I have to say I am loving the Yoga way of being, it's so tempting to just go study yoga but I'll have to see when or if the time is right. I love all the food and ways of being as a yogi. How lovely. Some of the teachers just blow me away. Yet I've been a little sore the past few days. But it's all good.
OH, here in Kerala everything is cooked with coconut. It's delicious! Try this-sprouted beans with fresh shredded coconut with a tad of onion and curry leaves, just barely warmed in coconut oil and steamed. It's my favorite! Also there is a lot of beets and carrots with coconut-yummy!
It is monsoon season here and when they say it rains, it rains. I am soggy, I've been soggy for days now and thinking of going north to get dry. I miss the warmth, yet it maybe too warm, I'll see. But I have friends up north so it wouldn't be so bad.
I am looking for different healers around India, found 2 doctors and though expensive they maybe what I'm looking for. If you've heard of Siddha Vaidya, then you know what I'm talking about, it's older than Ayurveda and it cures the disease where as Ayurveda is good for before and after the disease is cured.
Oh, diseases can be headaches, back aches, eye problems, fibroids, joint problems, anything really and they know of thousands of diseases just for the brain that we are born with. They work from the core outward. But I'd have to some how get money for that treatment. But I'm still researching it to make sure it's the best possibility of healing.
I am really hoping to get my wrist healed so I can continue doing healing with people once I'm home. Get my eyes back to seeing properly, some fibroids shunk and if I can find anyone that works post traumatic stress then that would be helpful as well so I can feel like myself again. If you know anything about healing these things I value any suggestions!
Oh, I haven't forgotten about photos, I'd love to send some but I haven't found a way to attach them yet, I've tried numberous times and it hasn't worked. So please be patient, we have to be with India, as it works it's own way and in it's own time.
So I send you hugs and love. I hope to be at the beach sometime in the next week to relax from ashram life and plan my next healing adventure for my heart, mind, spirit and body!
May you always have enough to keep you strong, giving, loving, happy and full of life. Know that now is a choice, you choose happy or sad, depressed or thrilled, how would you like to spend your day, moment, year, life? Remember you are giving up a day of your life for this day, how would you like to spend it?
Many hugs and kisses to you. I miss and love you, Heather
Friday, June 22, 2007
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Talent Show at the Ashram and Nose Floss!!!
Hello there My Lovely Friends,
How are you? What's up and new? What is your heart saying and feeling today???? As for me, I've been a the Sivananda Ashram now for a week now. It's truly amazing and so what I've been needing. My heart is happy here, I get a work out, I get to meditate (not as much as I'd like though), I get to be social and well....I'll tell you more in a bit.
So let me start by telling you the schedule-it's 5:30am rise and shine, 6-7am is Satsong where we meditate, chant amazing chants that I'm loving most of, a little word of Sivanandas work, more chanting/ending prayers and then Prasad-this is a little sweet that translates to Grace om english and it is chanted over and given to you in the morning an evening-all different kinds of prasad-fruit, fried fruit with sugar on them or dates. Then we have tea, do 2 hours of yoga, on to breakfast, then a talk on yoga, diet, etc, then karma yoga/service to the ashram, coaching on what ever you need, then yoga, dinner, satsong, prasad and then bed at 10pm-ish.
It's a very full day with little time alone and great people that you want to be social with so it's hard to not just take your space in the little free time.
But THIS PLACE IS GREAT!!!
Every Saturday they have a TALENT SHOW!!!! That's right, a talent show. Last week I got up and sang a duet with my friend Viv that I met at Amma's and then I danced to Lisa Gerard-the mirror pool album (the first track, just in case you want to know). Everyone went wild over it-well wild for an ashram anyway, even the main Swami thanked me in front of the whole crowd from bringing dance on stage and something different, HOW EXCITING! As I feared they may freak on me for doing such lustful things-yet it was quite a spiritual song so not too groovy, sexy or sensuousness.
But I'll be dancing again tomorrow twice, one a duet and a solo and then a singing duet and a solo. Oh, last week I got the dance captured on my camera!!!! So that's great! It's nice to have these things documented! I'm meeting great people and learning a ton about myself, yoga-which I'm just loving and the practices.
Speaking of some of the yoga practices, they do this great thing of taking salt water and putting it in a little container and then we do what I call nose douche and you put the container to your nose and let it pour out the other nostril. It gets out all kinds of lovely mucus, makes you snore, cough up stuff and get it all out.
But then comes the really fun part NOSE FLOSSING! You take this rubber cord and slowly stick it up your nose, inch by inch until it hits your tongue, then your reach back and grab it and pull it slowly through and you then proceed to floss back and forth-YOUR NOSE! I gets a ton of stuff out and it works! Don't try this at home without some kind of instruction! But it's interesting if you don't gag, throw up or anything. So now I no longer have to just floss my teeth but now my nose!!! More things to do in the morning I guess! All for good health.
Some people even swallow 6 cups of water and then make themselves puke so it cleans the stomach, I haven't tried this yet. But I'll think about it.
The food here is good, feels healthy, yet not enough raw. They said it's because it's not slow season and not enough staff to get raw fruits up there. But many of us will go out and get fruit as it's just so nice to have it around and so refreshing in this sticky weather. It's thankfully rainy season now and so it's so cool I don't need the fan at night but it's still muggy at times and the mosquitos love to come sneak up on you to take blood when you are holding an asana-they know you can't move so they can just take what they want from you.
OH, OH, OH!!!! I'm so excited, I did my first head stand by myself on the first day they instructed it AND I didn't fall over! They teach it so well here I'm so excited! As the last time I tried it in India I hurt myself, but they have it down in the teaching of the head stand and I can feel how healthy it is to be in this position!
I've considered doing the teacher training for yoga here just for the knowledge but I doubt I'll do it. It's not something I want to teach I just love all the info on health and how they believe and live. Well except the part that you should have no desire, lust and you should keep your energy to yourself so no sex. Well I'm sorry, that maybe for them but that's not my philosophy, I like Tantra myself, I am about inclusion of life and bringing up energy a different way thank you! But I can see how people can get sucked into this way of being as it's powerful!
You see all these amazing people going through their day, meditating, chanting, being fed, being of service to everyone and it makes you want to be part of it! I have seriously considered staying here for a few months, but I think I'd rather go visit a few more of their ashrams around India and not just be in one place.
The ashram had several people a week ago and just in the past few days everyone has cleared out so now there maybe 30 people here, well.....more like 20 people studying here now I think. It will be nice as there will be more space and time to ones self.
I'm loving doing food service here, yet it's a little tricky with no speach during the two meals a day, as you just have to guess if people want something and go over to them and see if they look up and signal yes or no to what you have. Talk about serving, it really shows me how servants had to have been way back then or even now in some places, watching your every move to see what you may want-reminds me of The Color Purple.
Oh the other night everyone in the ashram went for a night walk to the lake, it was so nice to outside at night walking and seeing the stars, how lovely! We all sat at the lake to meditate and chant, just beautiful. A few lights on the lake from a few homes on it, the sky dark but for the stars and the outline of the palm and coconut trees around the lake. Really breath taking! We do that walk in the morning once a week too!
I really get how someone can stay a while here. You can swim in the lake. Well let me explain this statement. It's not like stripping off and going skinny dipping. Nothing of the sort, here in India. It's more like you have all your clothes on-in which you want to wash as they want you to wash yourself and your clothes down in the lake to conserve water. So here you are dressed from head to ankle and you walk into the water and hope and pray the rumours of aligators in the lake are a myth or have been taken out of the lake by now. But still you swim with one eye open curious about them!
So I'm good, I'm happy, I'm getting better in yoga and trying new things-like the head stand by myself! Now I'm meeting a few people that want to do cleansing as well, so we may all go and do it together which would be nice. Plus I talked one of the teachers into teaching a class on cleansing so that will be on Monday!
I hope you are well. It's funny as I sit here they are throwing fire crackers outside every minute and it feels and sounds like a bomb, so coming from the ashram it's a little shocking. But I am doing great other than the shock waves of those things!!! ; )
May your heart be happy, sing, dance, play and may you find more hidden belief in yourself every day! The people here are never taught to question themselves with low self esteem or confidence so here they get up and just chant out of tune, off key and out of rhythm and love it! It took a little bit to realize how nice it was to just have them be them and them show self acceptance so beautifully.
I have found some new people to hug and touch and play with which feels really good! I really get I need that in my weekly, if not daily life.
Well I'm off, I love you, send you hugs. I hope to hear from you soon at my email address at: gypsysundancer@yahoo.com. Remember to be happy and do things that make your heart thrilled to be alive. Love and passion to you, Heather
Everyday feel what it feels like to live a passion filled day! XXXOOO
How are you? What's up and new? What is your heart saying and feeling today???? As for me, I've been a the Sivananda Ashram now for a week now. It's truly amazing and so what I've been needing. My heart is happy here, I get a work out, I get to meditate (not as much as I'd like though), I get to be social and well....I'll tell you more in a bit.
So let me start by telling you the schedule-it's 5:30am rise and shine, 6-7am is Satsong where we meditate, chant amazing chants that I'm loving most of, a little word of Sivanandas work, more chanting/ending prayers and then Prasad-this is a little sweet that translates to Grace om english and it is chanted over and given to you in the morning an evening-all different kinds of prasad-fruit, fried fruit with sugar on them or dates. Then we have tea, do 2 hours of yoga, on to breakfast, then a talk on yoga, diet, etc, then karma yoga/service to the ashram, coaching on what ever you need, then yoga, dinner, satsong, prasad and then bed at 10pm-ish.
It's a very full day with little time alone and great people that you want to be social with so it's hard to not just take your space in the little free time.
But THIS PLACE IS GREAT!!!
Every Saturday they have a TALENT SHOW!!!! That's right, a talent show. Last week I got up and sang a duet with my friend Viv that I met at Amma's and then I danced to Lisa Gerard-the mirror pool album (the first track, just in case you want to know). Everyone went wild over it-well wild for an ashram anyway, even the main Swami thanked me in front of the whole crowd from bringing dance on stage and something different, HOW EXCITING! As I feared they may freak on me for doing such lustful things-yet it was quite a spiritual song so not too groovy, sexy or sensuousness.
But I'll be dancing again tomorrow twice, one a duet and a solo and then a singing duet and a solo. Oh, last week I got the dance captured on my camera!!!! So that's great! It's nice to have these things documented! I'm meeting great people and learning a ton about myself, yoga-which I'm just loving and the practices.
Speaking of some of the yoga practices, they do this great thing of taking salt water and putting it in a little container and then we do what I call nose douche and you put the container to your nose and let it pour out the other nostril. It gets out all kinds of lovely mucus, makes you snore, cough up stuff and get it all out.
But then comes the really fun part NOSE FLOSSING! You take this rubber cord and slowly stick it up your nose, inch by inch until it hits your tongue, then your reach back and grab it and pull it slowly through and you then proceed to floss back and forth-YOUR NOSE! I gets a ton of stuff out and it works! Don't try this at home without some kind of instruction! But it's interesting if you don't gag, throw up or anything. So now I no longer have to just floss my teeth but now my nose!!! More things to do in the morning I guess! All for good health.
Some people even swallow 6 cups of water and then make themselves puke so it cleans the stomach, I haven't tried this yet. But I'll think about it.
The food here is good, feels healthy, yet not enough raw. They said it's because it's not slow season and not enough staff to get raw fruits up there. But many of us will go out and get fruit as it's just so nice to have it around and so refreshing in this sticky weather. It's thankfully rainy season now and so it's so cool I don't need the fan at night but it's still muggy at times and the mosquitos love to come sneak up on you to take blood when you are holding an asana-they know you can't move so they can just take what they want from you.
OH, OH, OH!!!! I'm so excited, I did my first head stand by myself on the first day they instructed it AND I didn't fall over! They teach it so well here I'm so excited! As the last time I tried it in India I hurt myself, but they have it down in the teaching of the head stand and I can feel how healthy it is to be in this position!
I've considered doing the teacher training for yoga here just for the knowledge but I doubt I'll do it. It's not something I want to teach I just love all the info on health and how they believe and live. Well except the part that you should have no desire, lust and you should keep your energy to yourself so no sex. Well I'm sorry, that maybe for them but that's not my philosophy, I like Tantra myself, I am about inclusion of life and bringing up energy a different way thank you! But I can see how people can get sucked into this way of being as it's powerful!
You see all these amazing people going through their day, meditating, chanting, being fed, being of service to everyone and it makes you want to be part of it! I have seriously considered staying here for a few months, but I think I'd rather go visit a few more of their ashrams around India and not just be in one place.
The ashram had several people a week ago and just in the past few days everyone has cleared out so now there maybe 30 people here, well.....more like 20 people studying here now I think. It will be nice as there will be more space and time to ones self.
I'm loving doing food service here, yet it's a little tricky with no speach during the two meals a day, as you just have to guess if people want something and go over to them and see if they look up and signal yes or no to what you have. Talk about serving, it really shows me how servants had to have been way back then or even now in some places, watching your every move to see what you may want-reminds me of The Color Purple.
Oh the other night everyone in the ashram went for a night walk to the lake, it was so nice to outside at night walking and seeing the stars, how lovely! We all sat at the lake to meditate and chant, just beautiful. A few lights on the lake from a few homes on it, the sky dark but for the stars and the outline of the palm and coconut trees around the lake. Really breath taking! We do that walk in the morning once a week too!
I really get how someone can stay a while here. You can swim in the lake. Well let me explain this statement. It's not like stripping off and going skinny dipping. Nothing of the sort, here in India. It's more like you have all your clothes on-in which you want to wash as they want you to wash yourself and your clothes down in the lake to conserve water. So here you are dressed from head to ankle and you walk into the water and hope and pray the rumours of aligators in the lake are a myth or have been taken out of the lake by now. But still you swim with one eye open curious about them!
So I'm good, I'm happy, I'm getting better in yoga and trying new things-like the head stand by myself! Now I'm meeting a few people that want to do cleansing as well, so we may all go and do it together which would be nice. Plus I talked one of the teachers into teaching a class on cleansing so that will be on Monday!
I hope you are well. It's funny as I sit here they are throwing fire crackers outside every minute and it feels and sounds like a bomb, so coming from the ashram it's a little shocking. But I am doing great other than the shock waves of those things!!! ; )
May your heart be happy, sing, dance, play and may you find more hidden belief in yourself every day! The people here are never taught to question themselves with low self esteem or confidence so here they get up and just chant out of tune, off key and out of rhythm and love it! It took a little bit to realize how nice it was to just have them be them and them show self acceptance so beautifully.
I have found some new people to hug and touch and play with which feels really good! I really get I need that in my weekly, if not daily life.
Well I'm off, I love you, send you hugs. I hope to hear from you soon at my email address at: gypsysundancer@yahoo.com. Remember to be happy and do things that make your heart thrilled to be alive. Love and passion to you, Heather
Everyday feel what it feels like to live a passion filled day! XXXOOO
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Sloppin' in oil!!!
Hello there,
How are you? How is life? Your heart and soul? As for me I'm doing swell!!!! I am in a rhythem with where I am now. I get up at 6:30 or 7am, I meditate, at 7:30 I am given a delicious breakfast from the woman who works here at the wellness center (well, if you can call it that-more on that later), I eat, do some stretches, read a little go in for my first treatment for relaxing the mind and then I relax, have lunch, have another treatment that I hope is healing my wrists but more feels like pain and being a little beaten up by these cloth balls of fabric filled with herbs and hot milk. Well let me back up, first this center, humm.....how do I describe this place.
The outside is a bright green, nice a clean. walk in it's fine, a little dark, with florescent lights. Then you go into the middle room where the doctors do their consultations, none of it half bad, floors a permentantly dirty but cleaned twice daily, but it's when you get into the bathrooms you wonder. humm.....You see since only a low cast can only clean toilets they don't get cleaned all that well, the walls are stained with years of you don't want to know what. but at least the room where they work is clean and has windows and is nice.
So let me tell you about the massages, I first come in, they aren't ready but they still want me to take off my clothes, they say "change" which means, strip. I sit there waiting for them to get ready then they keep telling me to change until I strip and have to wait for them naked while one of the massage therapist women loves to stare at me. She wants my skin, I think she likes working on me hoping it will rub off, as the Indians here believe light skin is beautiful, they go around each day trying to bleach their skin with this or that lotion-same with thailand. Yikes! How is there health from this? Anyway, I get on this very tall, all wood massage table with the edges lower then the rest for oil, milk and medication drainage and holes at the top and bottom to drain these things from the table. They first have to put a towel under my cute little boney butt as the wood is not condusive to thin people, the women here have an extra layer of padding so they don't have this problem. The great thing about having padding, no pain with the knees while being on my belly or my ankles when they slide them into the side of the walls of the massage table.
Anyway, so it begins that I lay down, the do a 45 minute very fast, rub down to get the circulation going and to rejuvinate the body, after that they place my head under a steel pot that has a large wick hanging out of a hole in the center of the pot. The warm this oil up and pour it through the whole and it lands on my forehead or the top of my head. As it seeps out pouring onto me they jerk and shove my head from side to side trying to get the sides-as I crack up as it's so not relaxing to be pushed around, but I relax anyway. I'm not sure how these women hold a baby, they can be so rough, but they do it with such love, it's amazing. They massage the oil through your hair and in your hair line and on your forehead for 45 minutes and then they sit me up, wipe me up, wipe up the table and then down the 3 steps off the table into the bathroom for one of the women to bathe me, yes she bathes me! Humm....never had this from a professional before, from head to toe, well, except my pink parts between my legs, that's for me to do, she does everything else without embarrassment!
For the second massage they wipe me down with oil first for 10-15 minutes. Then they heat up hot milk with medicine and they put these hot pouches of herbs in the hot milk at first they procede to beat me up with them, pounding away sloshing milk every where in the room! It's great, after the first minute the pouches loosen up and it feels much nicer, plus I have a few less layers of skin from the pouches afterward, what a kick! ;) They even go right up between my legs, I just hope it continues to be warm and not hot milk up there, yikes! So the milk keeps getting hotter and hotter until you can barely handle it and then they squeeze the milk out of your injured areas, then they sit me up, scrape me down with a leaf of some sort to get the milk stuff off, then they lather me up with oil again and off for another bath again from them! Then I'm off to rest until the next meal.
They love to eat 4 times a day here, 8am, 12pm, 4pm, 9pm. They try to feed me that late but I just can't handle it. But the cook is so sweet, it's hard to say no, but she keeps bringing it at 7 or 8pm now as she knows 9 is too late for me.
The women here feel so strong on the outside but they constantly have to have me reinforce if I liked their food or if I liked the massage or did I like what ever it was that they did for me....it's constant validation for them. They get upset really easily and get hurt and think that I don't like them, when I maybe having a bad day that has nothing to do with them. I've never know Indians to be so sensitive but I guess underneith we are all sensitive. I really think about me in this, I watched the movie Million dollar baby the other night-yes they have cable there, and at the end I realized her manager was so hard on the outside and soft on the inside, that is really how I see me, once I know people I let that side out, but otherwise I come across really hard or strong or what ever, a little shell but then once you get inside I'm all soft, so maybe these women and I have a lot in common, funny to see a reflection in the extreme.
The manager, the owners wife, is the only one that speaks english and she is barely starting to grow on me, as she was so matter of fact and business and then changing everything everyday that it drove me crazy. but I see she's just as soft on the inside too, people are funny creatures, aren't we? Yes we are.
So I have no idea if this Ayurvedic stuff is working but hey I get bathed in milk and oil everyday and get bathed, so what can you say for $34.00 a day, yes the price is double, don't ask, it's India! I'll see if it works in another week or so. I'm here until Friday and then I'm off the the Sivananda Ashram for Yoga, meditation and Ayurvedic medicine. I'm excited about being their, the photos are gorgeous, lots of greenery, lakes, etc in the area.
There is only garbage scattered around amongst the palm trees at my place, an unused well, a deep hole where water gathers doing no good, a fire with rice cooking in it all day smoking up the back yard and a great place to do laundry, but no real view or sitting places. Though I'm not to be outside in the weather, under fans or in a breeze for doing the work I'm doing. Lot's of rules with this work and I have to find them out as I break them as there is no for warning, but at least I know now what I know!!!! : )
The commercials here are crazy, they show women in 2 piece bathing suits, which I've never seen an Indian woman in, I almost blush when it comes on as I'm in mixed company of people that don't see that stuff. Then this commercial for a mens cologne comes on like Vio and it says "makes nice girls naughty" and shows photos of women having their men with fruit and whip cream all over then or stamping the guys chest, as if whipping him with a stamp in a library, it's odd, but who knows maybe it sells, it stuck in my mind. One of my favorite commericials if for their holiday packages and the tune is something like, you happy, me happy, we happy. It's so cute.
Anyway, it's nice here, I'm calming here, having to relax as their is nothing else to do. I can't leave the place, well except right now as I had to go to the ATM to pay them and thought I'd write you!!! I miss you, I miss my friends from Amma's. OH, I almost forgot, my last day there was fabulous. I'm so bummed I forgot my recorder. I got up that morning to rain, but it stopped so I could do my yoga on the roof and have my chai anyway. Then I had breakfast, at lunch time us girls got together and with the ukulele and guitar sang in perfect harmony Ring of Fire and they insisted I sing Crazy one or two more times as they loved to hear me sing it, hit the high notes. I'm so sad I don't have it recorded but I may have one more chance to record with one of my friends at Sivananda, won't be the same but still, it's still recorded.
Then that evening we all three got together for a see ya later ceremony, it was glorious, the most special thing I've done in so long with close girlfriends.
I won't go into all of it, but my favorite part I'll share with you and really encourage everyone to do this with their friends as it's so powerful. After calling in the energies of the North, East, South and West, and telling our reasons for being in India and what we've done or been through in the past 4 months and let go of things and places our goals. Then the most brilliant thing: 2 at a time told the other one how they saw them, how amazing they were, smart, beautiful, creative, talented, communicative, loving, mothering, passionate, brave, courageous, you are so child like, I love that you touch so much, hug so much I need that, inclusive, how they wanted to be like the other or how their should be more people like them in this world...it went on and on.
Just think, when was the last time you told someone all the wonderful things you loved and saw in them and had them sit there, couldn't say anything but thank you and had to receive it, maybe cry, maybe laugh, but receive it how they could do it best. For me I felt like a little girl all giggles and it's be most I've received in one sitting and it was fabulous. There was so much I could tell you that I loved of what they said and how shocked I was in some of it, but to hear how inclusive I was to the point of one of them saying "you insisted I sit with you at your table as you knew I was new and wanted to include me with your friends. There needs to be more people like you in this world". How lovely to take it in, bathe in it and hear it. I really recommmend it for everyone to do, even if they can't fully receive it or you. How wonderful it would be, I forget so often but hopefully I'll remember more now.
By the end of it we felt so full, so filled up with love and light by giving such a gift and receiving such a gift, how lovely! None of us wanted to leave the next day. It's like all felt like we first really connected and didn't want to let it go. But two of us left anyway the next day and it was sad, I missed them a lot but you somehow get back on your feet when you have too and move on to the next exciting thing in life. And my exciting thing is healing, healing here and then next to Yoga and meditation. I'm excited to see my girlfriend down there if she's still there.
So I'm sure there is a ton more I can say. But I should probably sign off now.
Know that I love you and think of you often. Do something exciting everyday, even if it's small. Are you living full out, celebrating life as much as possible in each moment? Maybe an hour off work early and runnning your toes through the sand would do you some good, or going to tea with a friend just to talk about nothing, but to laugh at life. I am laughing more at life now days, thank goodness! Getting lighter with it and seeing humor in life in each moment of being human, even if it's the after effect. Know that we are to enjoy this journey in this body, we only have this body once, so lets not look at the future but what's before us right now!
I send you love, hugs, giggles and a GREAT BIG SMILE for your day, week and year, Love, Heather
How are you? How is life? Your heart and soul? As for me I'm doing swell!!!! I am in a rhythem with where I am now. I get up at 6:30 or 7am, I meditate, at 7:30 I am given a delicious breakfast from the woman who works here at the wellness center (well, if you can call it that-more on that later), I eat, do some stretches, read a little go in for my first treatment for relaxing the mind and then I relax, have lunch, have another treatment that I hope is healing my wrists but more feels like pain and being a little beaten up by these cloth balls of fabric filled with herbs and hot milk. Well let me back up, first this center, humm.....how do I describe this place.
The outside is a bright green, nice a clean. walk in it's fine, a little dark, with florescent lights. Then you go into the middle room where the doctors do their consultations, none of it half bad, floors a permentantly dirty but cleaned twice daily, but it's when you get into the bathrooms you wonder. humm.....You see since only a low cast can only clean toilets they don't get cleaned all that well, the walls are stained with years of you don't want to know what. but at least the room where they work is clean and has windows and is nice.
So let me tell you about the massages, I first come in, they aren't ready but they still want me to take off my clothes, they say "change" which means, strip. I sit there waiting for them to get ready then they keep telling me to change until I strip and have to wait for them naked while one of the massage therapist women loves to stare at me. She wants my skin, I think she likes working on me hoping it will rub off, as the Indians here believe light skin is beautiful, they go around each day trying to bleach their skin with this or that lotion-same with thailand. Yikes! How is there health from this? Anyway, I get on this very tall, all wood massage table with the edges lower then the rest for oil, milk and medication drainage and holes at the top and bottom to drain these things from the table. They first have to put a towel under my cute little boney butt as the wood is not condusive to thin people, the women here have an extra layer of padding so they don't have this problem. The great thing about having padding, no pain with the knees while being on my belly or my ankles when they slide them into the side of the walls of the massage table.
Anyway, so it begins that I lay down, the do a 45 minute very fast, rub down to get the circulation going and to rejuvinate the body, after that they place my head under a steel pot that has a large wick hanging out of a hole in the center of the pot. The warm this oil up and pour it through the whole and it lands on my forehead or the top of my head. As it seeps out pouring onto me they jerk and shove my head from side to side trying to get the sides-as I crack up as it's so not relaxing to be pushed around, but I relax anyway. I'm not sure how these women hold a baby, they can be so rough, but they do it with such love, it's amazing. They massage the oil through your hair and in your hair line and on your forehead for 45 minutes and then they sit me up, wipe me up, wipe up the table and then down the 3 steps off the table into the bathroom for one of the women to bathe me, yes she bathes me! Humm....never had this from a professional before, from head to toe, well, except my pink parts between my legs, that's for me to do, she does everything else without embarrassment!
For the second massage they wipe me down with oil first for 10-15 minutes. Then they heat up hot milk with medicine and they put these hot pouches of herbs in the hot milk at first they procede to beat me up with them, pounding away sloshing milk every where in the room! It's great, after the first minute the pouches loosen up and it feels much nicer, plus I have a few less layers of skin from the pouches afterward, what a kick! ;) They even go right up between my legs, I just hope it continues to be warm and not hot milk up there, yikes! So the milk keeps getting hotter and hotter until you can barely handle it and then they squeeze the milk out of your injured areas, then they sit me up, scrape me down with a leaf of some sort to get the milk stuff off, then they lather me up with oil again and off for another bath again from them! Then I'm off to rest until the next meal.
They love to eat 4 times a day here, 8am, 12pm, 4pm, 9pm. They try to feed me that late but I just can't handle it. But the cook is so sweet, it's hard to say no, but she keeps bringing it at 7 or 8pm now as she knows 9 is too late for me.
The women here feel so strong on the outside but they constantly have to have me reinforce if I liked their food or if I liked the massage or did I like what ever it was that they did for me....it's constant validation for them. They get upset really easily and get hurt and think that I don't like them, when I maybe having a bad day that has nothing to do with them. I've never know Indians to be so sensitive but I guess underneith we are all sensitive. I really think about me in this, I watched the movie Million dollar baby the other night-yes they have cable there, and at the end I realized her manager was so hard on the outside and soft on the inside, that is really how I see me, once I know people I let that side out, but otherwise I come across really hard or strong or what ever, a little shell but then once you get inside I'm all soft, so maybe these women and I have a lot in common, funny to see a reflection in the extreme.
The manager, the owners wife, is the only one that speaks english and she is barely starting to grow on me, as she was so matter of fact and business and then changing everything everyday that it drove me crazy. but I see she's just as soft on the inside too, people are funny creatures, aren't we? Yes we are.
So I have no idea if this Ayurvedic stuff is working but hey I get bathed in milk and oil everyday and get bathed, so what can you say for $34.00 a day, yes the price is double, don't ask, it's India! I'll see if it works in another week or so. I'm here until Friday and then I'm off the the Sivananda Ashram for Yoga, meditation and Ayurvedic medicine. I'm excited about being their, the photos are gorgeous, lots of greenery, lakes, etc in the area.
There is only garbage scattered around amongst the palm trees at my place, an unused well, a deep hole where water gathers doing no good, a fire with rice cooking in it all day smoking up the back yard and a great place to do laundry, but no real view or sitting places. Though I'm not to be outside in the weather, under fans or in a breeze for doing the work I'm doing. Lot's of rules with this work and I have to find them out as I break them as there is no for warning, but at least I know now what I know!!!! : )
The commercials here are crazy, they show women in 2 piece bathing suits, which I've never seen an Indian woman in, I almost blush when it comes on as I'm in mixed company of people that don't see that stuff. Then this commercial for a mens cologne comes on like Vio and it says "makes nice girls naughty" and shows photos of women having their men with fruit and whip cream all over then or stamping the guys chest, as if whipping him with a stamp in a library, it's odd, but who knows maybe it sells, it stuck in my mind. One of my favorite commericials if for their holiday packages and the tune is something like, you happy, me happy, we happy. It's so cute.
Anyway, it's nice here, I'm calming here, having to relax as their is nothing else to do. I can't leave the place, well except right now as I had to go to the ATM to pay them and thought I'd write you!!! I miss you, I miss my friends from Amma's. OH, I almost forgot, my last day there was fabulous. I'm so bummed I forgot my recorder. I got up that morning to rain, but it stopped so I could do my yoga on the roof and have my chai anyway. Then I had breakfast, at lunch time us girls got together and with the ukulele and guitar sang in perfect harmony Ring of Fire and they insisted I sing Crazy one or two more times as they loved to hear me sing it, hit the high notes. I'm so sad I don't have it recorded but I may have one more chance to record with one of my friends at Sivananda, won't be the same but still, it's still recorded.
Then that evening we all three got together for a see ya later ceremony, it was glorious, the most special thing I've done in so long with close girlfriends.
I won't go into all of it, but my favorite part I'll share with you and really encourage everyone to do this with their friends as it's so powerful. After calling in the energies of the North, East, South and West, and telling our reasons for being in India and what we've done or been through in the past 4 months and let go of things and places our goals. Then the most brilliant thing: 2 at a time told the other one how they saw them, how amazing they were, smart, beautiful, creative, talented, communicative, loving, mothering, passionate, brave, courageous, you are so child like, I love that you touch so much, hug so much I need that, inclusive, how they wanted to be like the other or how their should be more people like them in this world...it went on and on.
Just think, when was the last time you told someone all the wonderful things you loved and saw in them and had them sit there, couldn't say anything but thank you and had to receive it, maybe cry, maybe laugh, but receive it how they could do it best. For me I felt like a little girl all giggles and it's be most I've received in one sitting and it was fabulous. There was so much I could tell you that I loved of what they said and how shocked I was in some of it, but to hear how inclusive I was to the point of one of them saying "you insisted I sit with you at your table as you knew I was new and wanted to include me with your friends. There needs to be more people like you in this world". How lovely to take it in, bathe in it and hear it. I really recommmend it for everyone to do, even if they can't fully receive it or you. How wonderful it would be, I forget so often but hopefully I'll remember more now.
By the end of it we felt so full, so filled up with love and light by giving such a gift and receiving such a gift, how lovely! None of us wanted to leave the next day. It's like all felt like we first really connected and didn't want to let it go. But two of us left anyway the next day and it was sad, I missed them a lot but you somehow get back on your feet when you have too and move on to the next exciting thing in life. And my exciting thing is healing, healing here and then next to Yoga and meditation. I'm excited to see my girlfriend down there if she's still there.
So I'm sure there is a ton more I can say. But I should probably sign off now.
Know that I love you and think of you often. Do something exciting everyday, even if it's small. Are you living full out, celebrating life as much as possible in each moment? Maybe an hour off work early and runnning your toes through the sand would do you some good, or going to tea with a friend just to talk about nothing, but to laugh at life. I am laughing more at life now days, thank goodness! Getting lighter with it and seeing humor in life in each moment of being human, even if it's the after effect. Know that we are to enjoy this journey in this body, we only have this body once, so lets not look at the future but what's before us right now!
I send you love, hugs, giggles and a GREAT BIG SMILE for your day, week and year, Love, Heather
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
singin' and a dancin'
Hello there again,
Well much has shifted in the past few days! I'm so excited! First my girlfriends and I have been getting together and singing. One plays the ukelelee(sp?) and the other one plays the guitar and we are just singing at the top of our lungs just letting it rip harmonizing beautifully and now people have joined us.
Yet our group is splitting up, one has left already yesterday morning, my roommate. And so now there are three. We have all decided separately we are leaving on Thursday. One of my friends may come with me to a wellness center. This is very exciting for me, it has Ayurvedic massage, cleansing, purifications, nasal clearing, all kinds of things with yoga and meditation, food and room for about $17.00 a day! I'm thrilled about this.
This morning is the first morning I got to dance in India and it felt great. I'm full of life and energy. I'm just ready to go cleanse, heal and get this body massaged!!!!
Yesterday I danced for the first time in India and it felt great!!! Tonight we will be doing a little celebration on the beach with music and dancing to say good bye as we go our separate ways. It's been so beautiful to be with women and for so long. There is something about being with people on going for over a week or so, it feels like a few months.
It would be so easy to stay in some ways as here I get up at 5:50am, have Chai, yummmm! Then go off to yoga and meditation and then meet with the girls for breakfast and chatting for a while afterward. We do our sevas/volunteer work, get a little alone time before lunch of more lovely Indian food (Breakfast and Dinner is water rice and veggies, supposedly it's good for kidneys, and then Lunch is solid rice and veggies), then we get together to eat, talk, sing, have a juice, get a little alone time, sometimes I've gone to the ocean, it's got the craziest waves so high out here, and then Bhajan until 8pm-chanting and then dinner. I crash around 10:30pm-ish. It's good. But I haven't actually gotten an 8 hour sleep since Calcutta. It seems like I don't need much sleep, some nights I only get 4 hours, but it feels good to be up at 4am doing my own thing.
Well I'm off to the wellness center tomorrow and haven't a clue if they have email so if I don't write back soon, know that I'm thinking of you and cleansing!!!! Much love, many hugs, keep your heart open, Love, Heather
Well much has shifted in the past few days! I'm so excited! First my girlfriends and I have been getting together and singing. One plays the ukelelee(sp?) and the other one plays the guitar and we are just singing at the top of our lungs just letting it rip harmonizing beautifully and now people have joined us.
Yet our group is splitting up, one has left already yesterday morning, my roommate. And so now there are three. We have all decided separately we are leaving on Thursday. One of my friends may come with me to a wellness center. This is very exciting for me, it has Ayurvedic massage, cleansing, purifications, nasal clearing, all kinds of things with yoga and meditation, food and room for about $17.00 a day! I'm thrilled about this.
This morning is the first morning I got to dance in India and it felt great. I'm full of life and energy. I'm just ready to go cleanse, heal and get this body massaged!!!!
Yesterday I danced for the first time in India and it felt great!!! Tonight we will be doing a little celebration on the beach with music and dancing to say good bye as we go our separate ways. It's been so beautiful to be with women and for so long. There is something about being with people on going for over a week or so, it feels like a few months.
It would be so easy to stay in some ways as here I get up at 5:50am, have Chai, yummmm! Then go off to yoga and meditation and then meet with the girls for breakfast and chatting for a while afterward. We do our sevas/volunteer work, get a little alone time before lunch of more lovely Indian food (Breakfast and Dinner is water rice and veggies, supposedly it's good for kidneys, and then Lunch is solid rice and veggies), then we get together to eat, talk, sing, have a juice, get a little alone time, sometimes I've gone to the ocean, it's got the craziest waves so high out here, and then Bhajan until 8pm-chanting and then dinner. I crash around 10:30pm-ish. It's good. But I haven't actually gotten an 8 hour sleep since Calcutta. It seems like I don't need much sleep, some nights I only get 4 hours, but it feels good to be up at 4am doing my own thing.
Well I'm off to the wellness center tomorrow and haven't a clue if they have email so if I don't write back soon, know that I'm thinking of you and cleansing!!!! Much love, many hugs, keep your heart open, Love, Heather
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Sweet as a Cadbury!
Hello there,
How are you? Man oh man, or woman oh woman or Amma oh Amma!!! Well the train trip was great! 48 hours with being the only white one on the train! It really was so incredible and I get more and more the I am sent Angels to help me! Thank goodness. I am grateful for this. I met a few families on the train that were ever so sweet. I played with the kids, or more like became one of the kids, as all the adults stared at me, they weren't quite sure what to think, but they smiled at me and one family that wasn't so warm at first, through seeing me play with the kids, including theirs, I warmed their hearts and they ended up helping to know where to get off and where to go to get to Amma's instead of staying at a hotel for a night. It was such a relief to have such beautiful people help me! So I've been at Amma's now for 10 or so days now, luckily I came when I did as she stopped doing Darshans 5 days later. She is getting ready for Japan and the US. I've had some great moments here of doing Seva/volunteer work, my favorite though is Pizza doe rolling!!!! Yes, I've become the teacher of it and it's so fun, you have to do it this way, this size and then of course ad a dash of fun, playfulness, joking around and laughter and you got it perfect! Something about doing that Seva makes me so happy and giddy!!!
Life is good here. But it's not India, it has lots of Indian people but it's not India. I go across the bridge and you get a little piece of India, crazy loud music blasting out of a truck with huge speaker driving down the street with a truck in front of it with a loud speaker with some speech being screeched across to everyone. Mean while I'm walking down the street, only white one there looking up to dark skinned, dark eyed and bright whites around their eyes peering out at me, curious. Men in their dhoti's, which is a male sarong/skirt and women in their sari's. All beautiful, staring and not shy about it. It's funny to be in a culture that was never taught that staring may make people uncomfortable.
As I was at Amma's a little girl sat next to me just looking at me, I looked her, she didn't respond to it at all. I made a funny face at her, she just blinked at me, I'd turn away and then look quickly at her, no response, then I tried to tickle her, nope, no response, just blinking those big black eyes at me, hair pulled back into a braid and having no idea what to think or do with this white person next to her.
Amma has been in her room for days now and I thought I'd want to leave when she started her private darshans with people, but honestly it's been so peaceful without all the craziness of doing the darshans. As when she's out everyone, well no, the westerners are stressed, more rude then usual and stepping all over each other to fetch everything to do anything that makes everything go the way Amma wants it to go. These people have no love and respect for one another, very sad, it's like the Indians are pushy, but that's their nature to be pushy, so it's understandable, but the westerns have become just rude and crazed, no patience and they have no idea that you can laugh, play, hug and have fun and be spiritual. They feel or act like-to be spiritual you have to be serious and quiet if not with Amma, hummm......not quite how I want to live but if it works for them, go for it. I'd prefer the personal tone myself. So I am here making people laugh and of course that makes some people not so happy, but I'm ok with that! I'm here to laugh, I've been serious with my spiritual practice way too long, time to play, there is plenty of time to be serious, but not 90% of my time!
There are so many devotees that are making Amma a cult, following her at every moment and thinking she is higher than God, hummm......I just don't see this, I think she is a really amazing human that loves to laugh, joke, hug and love people for hours a day and that is fabulous (though her devotees don't do that, too bad). But some of them give away their power to her, it's a little crazy in my opinion to hear them say "if it weren't for Amma I'd be dead or in an insane asylum" which many feel they'd be insane not for Amma, some still are and don't know it. Everything is "Amma has given so much, etc". Pretty amazing! I'm not sure if I've been around this so much. Yet the great thing is that now that she hasn't come out for so long it's much more peaceful. There is much more time for alone time, healing, meditation or socializing. Which for me it's been very nice to connect with others. There has been a group of us hanging out the past week or so and it's like a great little womens group. I don't think I've experienced anything quite like this in my life, it's so much fun. Laughing, talking about travel, being so concerned with each other, taking alone time, talking about issues together and just being with each other. It's so fun and beautiful.
One of the women and I have just completely bonded like sisters, she's from Australia and we are doing healing together, it's so powerful, like nothing I've ever experienced before. It's so wonderful to let go at such powerful levels of deep emotional places and being able to support her as well. I feel like I'll see her again in OZ, who knows when though, she's traveling around the world on a one year ticket.
Yesterday was so wonderful, we met this gorgeous Indian woman from Kerala and she came with us on a canoe trip. We took the canoe up the river and saw these great villages of children on the side that we waved at, well, I went a little crazy and I'd wave crazy and then they'd copy, I'd move my shoulders and they'd copy, oh my gosh it was so fun to play with them even from the boat and watch them sing and dance along with us while we were in the boat! They were gorgeous to see them and play! The Indian woman, Shanani, she called me trouble as I'd be joking, teasing and making every one laugh or tickling her. She so ticklish, it's great. She gets so happy and loved it with I reached out and hugged her and then kissed her cheek, she just lit up and thanked me as she giggled. She and I have has some great conversations about Indian culture, marriage and touched on the subject of sex, there is much she doesn't know and she gets quite embarrassed about the subject but desperately wants to know about it-very shyly! Indians more learn about babies and the reproductive system more then about making love and the details of it-but then I don't many people know about the details of sex, especially before they have it. So we'll see how it goes the next few days with her on that subject as I told her she could ask me questions. She's happy and scared of that.
I went into a little cafe to use the internet and started talking to the woman owner of it and I turned and hugged her. Well she loved it, I don't think they do that much here but they love it. She responded with "you are as sweet as a Cadbury". I thought that was so cute and had no idea she knew what a Cadbury was. The women love to be touched once you get their walls down, it's lovely really lovely. They walk around with this serious face sometimes and then you smile or touch their arm in a loving way and they just light up, it's so brilliant! Being a woman we aren't supposed to talk or touch men. Well I still talk with them but man is it hard not to touch their arm, I've done it accidentally a few times but they mostly are the ones that around westerners and are used to it!
I really have to try to not touch but I love it. Some of my western friends are shocked when I touch the women but are surprised when they respond so lovingly. It's funny how the women can be so pushy, push through a line or crowd (no lines here, they just crowd around to the tea, well they line up and then at some point they just crowd around and push to get their tea). It's quite fun to be touched and touch others even if it is being pushed. They have no issue with pushing with their whole bodies to get in front of you or to get to the front, very aggressive yet they can be so warm hearted. There is something in the culture here that makes me think they fear not getting food or drink, I haven't gotten to the bottom of that yet but I'll be working on it, as many of the Indians here are not starving, far from it. But they are so lovely. My connections to the people here is just so strong, I love to watch them, smell all the scents they burn or put on them selves.
So I am happy I am here,I am happy that it is so much cooler than Calcutta. Yet I have been having a think called Prickly heat which is little bumps that itch a little and it's caused from heat. I have something call Neem oil, it's helping, the doctors want to put me on an antihistimine, no thank you.
I am seeing a doctor today for my wrist and it's healing, he'll be doing physical therapy on it, over 17 years of doing healing work it needs some help to heal and come back to "normal" again.
I'm looking into a number of Ayurvedic clinics for cleansing and there are lots of options. One of my friends may go with me to the Sivananda Ashram for Yoga, Ayurvedic medicine and meditation, so it will be nice to travel with her! So the healing has begun and it's great. Amma leaves for Japan tomorrow, everyone went crazy last night as she came out and sang with everyone. It was a surprise before she left.
Well I could go on but this is probably enough for now. I am well, I am happy, I am learning a ton about myself and life and so happy to support others in their lives. I'm happy to also be bonding with woman, that feel so nice and refreshing.
I'm writing a ton and it's good. I have been told by the vedic astrologer that I am to dance, sing, act, paint, work with kids, teach about communications and relatedness, and to write books as I will get published and it's good for me-I have so much I want to write. It's pretty amazing how spot on they were with so much about careers and all that I want to do and what I am doing. It gave some great info and it's fun. He really stressed to keep on my spiritual path. And about a month before I came here I decided I was going to become 80-90% vegetarian before India and then vegetarian in India and I've honored that and it feels good-well he told me I need to be vegetarian so I guess I'm right on mark. It's just fun to hear what they say. He also went on to tell me that I'm supposed to be traveling now and it's really good for me-which I knew but it's still fun to hear.
Anyway, I miss you, I think of you often, I send you hugs. Know that you are in my heart. Continue to open, grow and connect with yourself and others! I'm still loving the eye balls here-eye contact, though it gets intense being on a bus and 5 people staring at you and 2 of them continually saying "hallo, hallo, what is your name, hallo, hallo, what is your name?" for 20 minutes. I normally respond, but my girlfriend I was with was really freaked out and I decided it would be best not to, as I know they'd want to talk with her then. But it can be intense. It's low season so not too many tourists.
I need to go. Much love my friends, Heather
How are you? Man oh man, or woman oh woman or Amma oh Amma!!! Well the train trip was great! 48 hours with being the only white one on the train! It really was so incredible and I get more and more the I am sent Angels to help me! Thank goodness. I am grateful for this. I met a few families on the train that were ever so sweet. I played with the kids, or more like became one of the kids, as all the adults stared at me, they weren't quite sure what to think, but they smiled at me and one family that wasn't so warm at first, through seeing me play with the kids, including theirs, I warmed their hearts and they ended up helping to know where to get off and where to go to get to Amma's instead of staying at a hotel for a night. It was such a relief to have such beautiful people help me! So I've been at Amma's now for 10 or so days now, luckily I came when I did as she stopped doing Darshans 5 days later. She is getting ready for Japan and the US. I've had some great moments here of doing Seva/volunteer work, my favorite though is Pizza doe rolling!!!! Yes, I've become the teacher of it and it's so fun, you have to do it this way, this size and then of course ad a dash of fun, playfulness, joking around and laughter and you got it perfect! Something about doing that Seva makes me so happy and giddy!!!
Life is good here. But it's not India, it has lots of Indian people but it's not India. I go across the bridge and you get a little piece of India, crazy loud music blasting out of a truck with huge speaker driving down the street with a truck in front of it with a loud speaker with some speech being screeched across to everyone. Mean while I'm walking down the street, only white one there looking up to dark skinned, dark eyed and bright whites around their eyes peering out at me, curious. Men in their dhoti's, which is a male sarong/skirt and women in their sari's. All beautiful, staring and not shy about it. It's funny to be in a culture that was never taught that staring may make people uncomfortable.
As I was at Amma's a little girl sat next to me just looking at me, I looked her, she didn't respond to it at all. I made a funny face at her, she just blinked at me, I'd turn away and then look quickly at her, no response, then I tried to tickle her, nope, no response, just blinking those big black eyes at me, hair pulled back into a braid and having no idea what to think or do with this white person next to her.
Amma has been in her room for days now and I thought I'd want to leave when she started her private darshans with people, but honestly it's been so peaceful without all the craziness of doing the darshans. As when she's out everyone, well no, the westerners are stressed, more rude then usual and stepping all over each other to fetch everything to do anything that makes everything go the way Amma wants it to go. These people have no love and respect for one another, very sad, it's like the Indians are pushy, but that's their nature to be pushy, so it's understandable, but the westerns have become just rude and crazed, no patience and they have no idea that you can laugh, play, hug and have fun and be spiritual. They feel or act like-to be spiritual you have to be serious and quiet if not with Amma, hummm......not quite how I want to live but if it works for them, go for it. I'd prefer the personal tone myself. So I am here making people laugh and of course that makes some people not so happy, but I'm ok with that! I'm here to laugh, I've been serious with my spiritual practice way too long, time to play, there is plenty of time to be serious, but not 90% of my time!
There are so many devotees that are making Amma a cult, following her at every moment and thinking she is higher than God, hummm......I just don't see this, I think she is a really amazing human that loves to laugh, joke, hug and love people for hours a day and that is fabulous (though her devotees don't do that, too bad). But some of them give away their power to her, it's a little crazy in my opinion to hear them say "if it weren't for Amma I'd be dead or in an insane asylum" which many feel they'd be insane not for Amma, some still are and don't know it. Everything is "Amma has given so much, etc". Pretty amazing! I'm not sure if I've been around this so much. Yet the great thing is that now that she hasn't come out for so long it's much more peaceful. There is much more time for alone time, healing, meditation or socializing. Which for me it's been very nice to connect with others. There has been a group of us hanging out the past week or so and it's like a great little womens group. I don't think I've experienced anything quite like this in my life, it's so much fun. Laughing, talking about travel, being so concerned with each other, taking alone time, talking about issues together and just being with each other. It's so fun and beautiful.
One of the women and I have just completely bonded like sisters, she's from Australia and we are doing healing together, it's so powerful, like nothing I've ever experienced before. It's so wonderful to let go at such powerful levels of deep emotional places and being able to support her as well. I feel like I'll see her again in OZ, who knows when though, she's traveling around the world on a one year ticket.
Yesterday was so wonderful, we met this gorgeous Indian woman from Kerala and she came with us on a canoe trip. We took the canoe up the river and saw these great villages of children on the side that we waved at, well, I went a little crazy and I'd wave crazy and then they'd copy, I'd move my shoulders and they'd copy, oh my gosh it was so fun to play with them even from the boat and watch them sing and dance along with us while we were in the boat! They were gorgeous to see them and play! The Indian woman, Shanani, she called me trouble as I'd be joking, teasing and making every one laugh or tickling her. She so ticklish, it's great. She gets so happy and loved it with I reached out and hugged her and then kissed her cheek, she just lit up and thanked me as she giggled. She and I have has some great conversations about Indian culture, marriage and touched on the subject of sex, there is much she doesn't know and she gets quite embarrassed about the subject but desperately wants to know about it-very shyly! Indians more learn about babies and the reproductive system more then about making love and the details of it-but then I don't many people know about the details of sex, especially before they have it. So we'll see how it goes the next few days with her on that subject as I told her she could ask me questions. She's happy and scared of that.
I went into a little cafe to use the internet and started talking to the woman owner of it and I turned and hugged her. Well she loved it, I don't think they do that much here but they love it. She responded with "you are as sweet as a Cadbury". I thought that was so cute and had no idea she knew what a Cadbury was. The women love to be touched once you get their walls down, it's lovely really lovely. They walk around with this serious face sometimes and then you smile or touch their arm in a loving way and they just light up, it's so brilliant! Being a woman we aren't supposed to talk or touch men. Well I still talk with them but man is it hard not to touch their arm, I've done it accidentally a few times but they mostly are the ones that around westerners and are used to it!
I really have to try to not touch but I love it. Some of my western friends are shocked when I touch the women but are surprised when they respond so lovingly. It's funny how the women can be so pushy, push through a line or crowd (no lines here, they just crowd around to the tea, well they line up and then at some point they just crowd around and push to get their tea). It's quite fun to be touched and touch others even if it is being pushed. They have no issue with pushing with their whole bodies to get in front of you or to get to the front, very aggressive yet they can be so warm hearted. There is something in the culture here that makes me think they fear not getting food or drink, I haven't gotten to the bottom of that yet but I'll be working on it, as many of the Indians here are not starving, far from it. But they are so lovely. My connections to the people here is just so strong, I love to watch them, smell all the scents they burn or put on them selves.
So I am happy I am here,I am happy that it is so much cooler than Calcutta. Yet I have been having a think called Prickly heat which is little bumps that itch a little and it's caused from heat. I have something call Neem oil, it's helping, the doctors want to put me on an antihistimine, no thank you.
I am seeing a doctor today for my wrist and it's healing, he'll be doing physical therapy on it, over 17 years of doing healing work it needs some help to heal and come back to "normal" again.
I'm looking into a number of Ayurvedic clinics for cleansing and there are lots of options. One of my friends may go with me to the Sivananda Ashram for Yoga, Ayurvedic medicine and meditation, so it will be nice to travel with her! So the healing has begun and it's great. Amma leaves for Japan tomorrow, everyone went crazy last night as she came out and sang with everyone. It was a surprise before she left.
Well I could go on but this is probably enough for now. I am well, I am happy, I am learning a ton about myself and life and so happy to support others in their lives. I'm happy to also be bonding with woman, that feel so nice and refreshing.
I'm writing a ton and it's good. I have been told by the vedic astrologer that I am to dance, sing, act, paint, work with kids, teach about communications and relatedness, and to write books as I will get published and it's good for me-I have so much I want to write. It's pretty amazing how spot on they were with so much about careers and all that I want to do and what I am doing. It gave some great info and it's fun. He really stressed to keep on my spiritual path. And about a month before I came here I decided I was going to become 80-90% vegetarian before India and then vegetarian in India and I've honored that and it feels good-well he told me I need to be vegetarian so I guess I'm right on mark. It's just fun to hear what they say. He also went on to tell me that I'm supposed to be traveling now and it's really good for me-which I knew but it's still fun to hear.
Anyway, I miss you, I think of you often, I send you hugs. Know that you are in my heart. Continue to open, grow and connect with yourself and others! I'm still loving the eye balls here-eye contact, though it gets intense being on a bus and 5 people staring at you and 2 of them continually saying "hallo, hallo, what is your name, hallo, hallo, what is your name?" for 20 minutes. I normally respond, but my girlfriend I was with was really freaked out and I decided it would be best not to, as I know they'd want to talk with her then. But it can be intense. It's low season so not too many tourists.
I need to go. Much love my friends, Heather
Sunday, May 6, 2007
An injection of home & EYE BALLS!
Hello there,
I am in India, there are no words and so many words to describe this place. I'm not sure how really. I'm in Calcutta until tonight. My first day here was mind blowing, walking around the streets. The first thing I noticed was EYE BALLS. Wow, I got eye contact every where, hello, where are you from (scary question to answer right now-I'll explain later), where are you going, how long will you be here? The smiles were brilliant. Heart warming to have such connection. But the difference so much from other places I've been that after 5 hours of eye contact and being human with other humans I was pooped! In 5 hours I was the only white person I saw, it was incredible!
Just the experience of riding in on the taxi was just outrageous! It was the same as my last time coming into town. I think they have a script! I get in, I collected some great people to share a taxi ride with, got a prepaid taxi, we all got in, within moment the man says "bakshish 10rs from each of you, 10, 10, 10, 10rs" we said no, then he tried 5rs, we said no. We drive off and within moments we are back at the train station for all of his taxi friends to drive the taxi and see if it's ok or if a tire needs to be fixed. We drive off after their approval. Everything is going fine and then he says if we don't give him bakshish we will be going back to the station, he slowed down, we continued our no, he almost stopped, he made threats, wow, I just had to laugh as it's the exact thing that happened 6 years ago, but that taxi drive did turn around and then back around. Wow, it was amazing. He kept going though!!! then he pulled over to get someone to check out the tire-all we could think of is how is he going to try to get us to pay for this? Luckily it was fine, we drove on and then he lightened up and became a great guy. Which they all are underneith it all.
Something about driving through this city, the dirt, the grime, the culture in the poverty, the unembarrassment of living on the street-as it's their cast, nothing to change, just to accept here, can't change birth of cast here, even if you are a doctor you don't move up cast. Seeing the eyes, as we past other cars, the cars driving like crazy, within inches of each other, such trust of their driving skills. there are no lines on the road and part of the time it's dirt. It's like 3 lanes but all sideways, or on top of each other, and they can't drive without honking. If they just think someone will move they honk. So it makes this very dusty, dirty city a very loud city as well. And they are always talking loud, yelling, or just having to make sound. There is the man rickshaws all over, the men that pick up these double seated carts with a hood over them to protect from the sun and 2 wheels and they pull you all over town. They are thin and very strong. No fat on them, at all.
The smell of India, it's home, it really is home to me. Some is a little strong but the different things they burn is just heaven. I'll be stocking up on it before I leave, it's so glorious. the moment Ianded yet again I was calm. I'm so happy to be in this busy, grimy place. A little sad to be leaving Calcutta so soon tonight to go on my, YES, 48 hour train ride to Kerala, but it's time! Life is an adventure and I've never done 48 hours and so I'm going for it. I'll be there the night of the 8th and in Amma's arms on the 9th!
But backing up a little a few things I need to share one is that first day that I showed up I saw a sign that really rang true but really scared me, the sign read: Worlds #1 Terrorist! and it had a photo of Bush. Well yes I agree, but honestly it makes saying "I'm from the US" a lot harder. I walked on a little scared. Wondering what nationality will I say I am. Well I finally let it go and then I sat down to rest on a step in front of a closed shop. Watching this glorious man with white hair dodge the cars and then turn to me and with a hand gesture gave me a beautiful greeting, amazing eyes. Then I started taking notes as to not forget anything as there was so much I saw that day and this man stopped and stared at me angrily. I didn't know what was wrong. I kept doing my thing and then I thought maybe I should stop writing as the intensity was getting thick around me. I put away the pad of paper and pen and stood to leave, the man walked with me with his intense eyes for a bit and left. I saw the nice man and he did his little hand greeting which I was relieved to get from him and made me smile! I realized that man may have thought I was a terrorist taking notes on something but I don't know for sure, but luckily nothing happened. and it's the only time I've ever felt that kind of thing in India, but there is a lot of fear right now. I walked on to get question by another man where i was from, how I felt about Bush, how did he get elected, did I like Clinton or Bush? Well I won't go into my answers but lets just say the man was shocked when I told him my feelings about it all yet relieved and I left him with I loved India and he was happy with that. I hardly saw any women in parts of town, it's a very mans world here in Calcutta.
I saw this gorgeous woman on the way to Mother Theresa's Orphage, where I was volunteering with the kids there, she had light blue eyes with her brown skin, living on the street. Like the National Geographic photo, she was there with her child. Once I can get it to work I'll upload this email as well as my photos to my blog, but as for now it's not coming up. I worked with the children this week and it was divine, they are such brilliant souls. At first being with the handicap I felt a little scared of them, the difference and newness of it and how do I play with them? Within hours it was gone. I saw their souls, they have such deep eyes, so much is held in there so many stories to be told and so much love and trust in there. To make them laugh was like heaven and thrilling. To feed them could be difficult but a great experience. One little girl adopted me. She would come find me immediately for me to play with her. Her name is Romeda, gorgeous brown skin, brown eyes with curly hair. I could easily take her home with me. She loved to be touched and played with. The first day she wore me out but we had so much fun together. I had my Goddess Necklace on and I taught her the word Goddess and kept saying Goddess Romeda. She kept calling me auntie as most Indians who live on the street or at the Sister house call women auntie, so I turned to her and called her neicie and pointed to her and she'd say neicie. It was so cute. It was lovely to look so deeply into these beautiful souls. And some of them look like children but they are 40 years old, so small, so young looking with so much to say with no words most of the time. Yet it can be very noisy in there with the sounds and the ones that speak.
So I've been drinking all the juices and and food on the street, it's so nice to be here again. And I love how friendly most everyone is. I don't remember it being so friendly but I love it. I slept in a room with 5 other girls in it, one of them, Joan, from South Africa, she and I became instant friends. She has 4 children at home all out of the house-well one lives at home now but in his 30's. She is lovely, I have been introducing her to India and helping the fear of it be released. She's a lot of fun, we've talked for hours, she introduced me to leeches, or leiches-I don't know the spelling, but it's a fruit, it's devine but they do crazy things to my belly.
So I'm not sure, what else without giving you every detail. But I'm safe here, I'm having a blast. I'm on a train tonight for 48 hours to Kerala to be with Amma and to study Ayurveda. I send you all love. I wish I could tell you more but it would take hours. I love you and hug you, Heather
I am in India, there are no words and so many words to describe this place. I'm not sure how really. I'm in Calcutta until tonight. My first day here was mind blowing, walking around the streets. The first thing I noticed was EYE BALLS. Wow, I got eye contact every where, hello, where are you from (scary question to answer right now-I'll explain later), where are you going, how long will you be here? The smiles were brilliant. Heart warming to have such connection. But the difference so much from other places I've been that after 5 hours of eye contact and being human with other humans I was pooped! In 5 hours I was the only white person I saw, it was incredible!
Just the experience of riding in on the taxi was just outrageous! It was the same as my last time coming into town. I think they have a script! I get in, I collected some great people to share a taxi ride with, got a prepaid taxi, we all got in, within moment the man says "bakshish 10rs from each of you, 10, 10, 10, 10rs" we said no, then he tried 5rs, we said no. We drive off and within moments we are back at the train station for all of his taxi friends to drive the taxi and see if it's ok or if a tire needs to be fixed. We drive off after their approval. Everything is going fine and then he says if we don't give him bakshish we will be going back to the station, he slowed down, we continued our no, he almost stopped, he made threats, wow, I just had to laugh as it's the exact thing that happened 6 years ago, but that taxi drive did turn around and then back around. Wow, it was amazing. He kept going though!!! then he pulled over to get someone to check out the tire-all we could think of is how is he going to try to get us to pay for this? Luckily it was fine, we drove on and then he lightened up and became a great guy. Which they all are underneith it all.
Something about driving through this city, the dirt, the grime, the culture in the poverty, the unembarrassment of living on the street-as it's their cast, nothing to change, just to accept here, can't change birth of cast here, even if you are a doctor you don't move up cast. Seeing the eyes, as we past other cars, the cars driving like crazy, within inches of each other, such trust of their driving skills. there are no lines on the road and part of the time it's dirt. It's like 3 lanes but all sideways, or on top of each other, and they can't drive without honking. If they just think someone will move they honk. So it makes this very dusty, dirty city a very loud city as well. And they are always talking loud, yelling, or just having to make sound. There is the man rickshaws all over, the men that pick up these double seated carts with a hood over them to protect from the sun and 2 wheels and they pull you all over town. They are thin and very strong. No fat on them, at all.
The smell of India, it's home, it really is home to me. Some is a little strong but the different things they burn is just heaven. I'll be stocking up on it before I leave, it's so glorious. the moment Ianded yet again I was calm. I'm so happy to be in this busy, grimy place. A little sad to be leaving Calcutta so soon tonight to go on my, YES, 48 hour train ride to Kerala, but it's time! Life is an adventure and I've never done 48 hours and so I'm going for it. I'll be there the night of the 8th and in Amma's arms on the 9th!
But backing up a little a few things I need to share one is that first day that I showed up I saw a sign that really rang true but really scared me, the sign read: Worlds #1 Terrorist! and it had a photo of Bush. Well yes I agree, but honestly it makes saying "I'm from the US" a lot harder. I walked on a little scared. Wondering what nationality will I say I am. Well I finally let it go and then I sat down to rest on a step in front of a closed shop. Watching this glorious man with white hair dodge the cars and then turn to me and with a hand gesture gave me a beautiful greeting, amazing eyes. Then I started taking notes as to not forget anything as there was so much I saw that day and this man stopped and stared at me angrily. I didn't know what was wrong. I kept doing my thing and then I thought maybe I should stop writing as the intensity was getting thick around me. I put away the pad of paper and pen and stood to leave, the man walked with me with his intense eyes for a bit and left. I saw the nice man and he did his little hand greeting which I was relieved to get from him and made me smile! I realized that man may have thought I was a terrorist taking notes on something but I don't know for sure, but luckily nothing happened. and it's the only time I've ever felt that kind of thing in India, but there is a lot of fear right now. I walked on to get question by another man where i was from, how I felt about Bush, how did he get elected, did I like Clinton or Bush? Well I won't go into my answers but lets just say the man was shocked when I told him my feelings about it all yet relieved and I left him with I loved India and he was happy with that. I hardly saw any women in parts of town, it's a very mans world here in Calcutta.
I saw this gorgeous woman on the way to Mother Theresa's Orphage, where I was volunteering with the kids there, she had light blue eyes with her brown skin, living on the street. Like the National Geographic photo, she was there with her child. Once I can get it to work I'll upload this email as well as my photos to my blog, but as for now it's not coming up. I worked with the children this week and it was divine, they are such brilliant souls. At first being with the handicap I felt a little scared of them, the difference and newness of it and how do I play with them? Within hours it was gone. I saw their souls, they have such deep eyes, so much is held in there so many stories to be told and so much love and trust in there. To make them laugh was like heaven and thrilling. To feed them could be difficult but a great experience. One little girl adopted me. She would come find me immediately for me to play with her. Her name is Romeda, gorgeous brown skin, brown eyes with curly hair. I could easily take her home with me. She loved to be touched and played with. The first day she wore me out but we had so much fun together. I had my Goddess Necklace on and I taught her the word Goddess and kept saying Goddess Romeda. She kept calling me auntie as most Indians who live on the street or at the Sister house call women auntie, so I turned to her and called her neicie and pointed to her and she'd say neicie. It was so cute. It was lovely to look so deeply into these beautiful souls. And some of them look like children but they are 40 years old, so small, so young looking with so much to say with no words most of the time. Yet it can be very noisy in there with the sounds and the ones that speak.
So I've been drinking all the juices and and food on the street, it's so nice to be here again. And I love how friendly most everyone is. I don't remember it being so friendly but I love it. I slept in a room with 5 other girls in it, one of them, Joan, from South Africa, she and I became instant friends. She has 4 children at home all out of the house-well one lives at home now but in his 30's. She is lovely, I have been introducing her to India and helping the fear of it be released. She's a lot of fun, we've talked for hours, she introduced me to leeches, or leiches-I don't know the spelling, but it's a fruit, it's devine but they do crazy things to my belly.
So I'm not sure, what else without giving you every detail. But I'm safe here, I'm having a blast. I'm on a train tonight for 48 hours to Kerala to be with Amma and to study Ayurveda. I send you all love. I wish I could tell you more but it would take hours. I love you and hug you, Heather
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
A photo
Though I think it's sideways,it there, as requested by Jade and Mal,a photo of me.This is near a temple with my friend Krystyn! Love you,Heather
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