Sloppin' in oil!!!

Hello there,
How are you? How is life? Your heart and soul? As for me I'm doing swell!!!! I am in a rhythem with where I am now. I get up at 6:30 or 7am, I meditate, at 7:30 I am given a delicious breakfast from the woman who works here at the wellness center (well, if you can call it that-more on that later), I eat, do some stretches, read a little go in for my first treatment for relaxing the mind and then I relax, have lunch, have another treatment that I hope is healing my wrists but more feels like pain and being a little beaten up by these cloth balls of fabric filled with herbs and hot milk. Well let me back up, first this center, humm.....how do I describe this place.

The outside is a bright green, nice a clean. walk in it's fine, a little dark, with florescent lights. Then you go into the middle room where the doctors do their consultations, none of it half bad, floors a permentantly dirty but cleaned twice daily, but it's when you get into the bathrooms you wonder. humm.....You see since only a low cast can only clean toilets they don't get cleaned all that well, the walls are stained with years of you don't want to know what. but at least the room where they work is clean and has windows and is nice.

So let me tell you about the massages, I first come in, they aren't ready but they still want me to take off my clothes, they say "change" which means, strip. I sit there waiting for them to get ready then they keep telling me to change until I strip and have to wait for them naked while one of the massage therapist women loves to stare at me. She wants my skin, I think she likes working on me hoping it will rub off, as the Indians here believe light skin is beautiful, they go around each day trying to bleach their skin with this or that lotion-same with thailand. Yikes! How is there health from this? Anyway, I get on this very tall, all wood massage table with the edges lower then the rest for oil, milk and medication drainage and holes at the top and bottom to drain these things from the table. They first have to put a towel under my cute little boney butt as the wood is not condusive to thin people, the women here have an extra layer of padding so they don't have this problem. The great thing about having padding, no pain with the knees while being on my belly or my ankles when they slide them into the side of the walls of the massage table.

Anyway, so it begins that I lay down, the do a 45 minute very fast, rub down to get the circulation going and to rejuvinate the body, after that they place my head under a steel pot that has a large wick hanging out of a hole in the center of the pot. The warm this oil up and pour it through the whole and it lands on my forehead or the top of my head. As it seeps out pouring onto me they jerk and shove my head from side to side trying to get the sides-as I crack up as it's so not relaxing to be pushed around, but I relax anyway. I'm not sure how these women hold a baby, they can be so rough, but they do it with such love, it's amazing. They massage the oil through your hair and in your hair line and on your forehead for 45 minutes and then they sit me up, wipe me up, wipe up the table and then down the 3 steps off the table into the bathroom for one of the women to bathe me, yes she bathes me! Humm....never had this from a professional before, from head to toe, well, except my pink parts between my legs, that's for me to do, she does everything else without embarrassment!

For the second massage they wipe me down with oil first for 10-15 minutes. Then they heat up hot milk with medicine and they put these hot pouches of herbs in the hot milk at first they procede to beat me up with them, pounding away sloshing milk every where in the room! It's great, after the first minute the pouches loosen up and it feels much nicer, plus I have a few less layers of skin from the pouches afterward, what a kick! ;) They even go right up between my legs, I just hope it continues to be warm and not hot milk up there, yikes! So the milk keeps getting hotter and hotter until you can barely handle it and then they squeeze the milk out of your injured areas, then they sit me up, scrape me down with a leaf of some sort to get the milk stuff off, then they lather me up with oil again and off for another bath again from them! Then I'm off to rest until the next meal.

They love to eat 4 times a day here, 8am, 12pm, 4pm, 9pm. They try to feed me that late but I just can't handle it. But the cook is so sweet, it's hard to say no, but she keeps bringing it at 7 or 8pm now as she knows 9 is too late for me.

The women here feel so strong on the outside but they constantly have to have me reinforce if I liked their food or if I liked the massage or did I like what ever it was that they did for me....it's constant validation for them. They get upset really easily and get hurt and think that I don't like them, when I maybe having a bad day that has nothing to do with them. I've never know Indians to be so sensitive but I guess underneith we are all sensitive. I really think about me in this, I watched the movie Million dollar baby the other night-yes they have cable there, and at the end I realized her manager was so hard on the outside and soft on the inside, that is really how I see me, once I know people I let that side out, but otherwise I come across really hard or strong or what ever, a little shell but then once you get inside I'm all soft, so maybe these women and I have a lot in common, funny to see a reflection in the extreme.

The manager, the owners wife, is the only one that speaks english and she is barely starting to grow on me, as she was so matter of fact and business and then changing everything everyday that it drove me crazy. but I see she's just as soft on the inside too, people are funny creatures, aren't we? Yes we are.

So I have no idea if this Ayurvedic stuff is working but hey I get bathed in milk and oil everyday and get bathed, so what can you say for $34.00 a day, yes the price is double, don't ask, it's India! I'll see if it works in another week or so. I'm here until Friday and then I'm off the the Sivananda Ashram for Yoga, meditation and Ayurvedic medicine. I'm excited about being their, the photos are gorgeous, lots of greenery, lakes, etc in the area.

There is only garbage scattered around amongst the palm trees at my place, an unused well, a deep hole where water gathers doing no good, a fire with rice cooking in it all day smoking up the back yard and a great place to do laundry, but no real view or sitting places. Though I'm not to be outside in the weather, under fans or in a breeze for doing the work I'm doing. Lot's of rules with this work and I have to find them out as I break them as there is no for warning, but at least I know now what I know!!!! : )

The commercials here are crazy, they show women in 2 piece bathing suits, which I've never seen an Indian woman in, I almost blush when it comes on as I'm in mixed company of people that don't see that stuff. Then this commercial for a mens cologne comes on like Vio and it says "makes nice girls naughty" and shows photos of women having their men with fruit and whip cream all over then or stamping the guys chest, as if whipping him with a stamp in a library, it's odd, but who knows maybe it sells, it stuck in my mind. One of my favorite commericials if for their holiday packages and the tune is something like, you happy, me happy, we happy. It's so cute.

Anyway, it's nice here, I'm calming here, having to relax as their is nothing else to do. I can't leave the place, well except right now as I had to go to the ATM to pay them and thought I'd write you!!! I miss you, I miss my friends from Amma's. OH, I almost forgot, my last day there was fabulous. I'm so bummed I forgot my recorder. I got up that morning to rain, but it stopped so I could do my yoga on the roof and have my chai anyway. Then I had breakfast, at lunch time us girls got together and with the ukulele and guitar sang in perfect harmony Ring of Fire and they insisted I sing Crazy one or two more times as they loved to hear me sing it, hit the high notes. I'm so sad I don't have it recorded but I may have one more chance to record with one of my friends at Sivananda, won't be the same but still, it's still recorded.

Then that evening we all three got together for a see ya later ceremony, it was glorious, the most special thing I've done in so long with close girlfriends.

I won't go into all of it, but my favorite part I'll share with you and really encourage everyone to do this with their friends as it's so powerful. After calling in the energies of the North, East, South and West, and telling our reasons for being in India and what we've done or been through in the past 4 months and let go of things and places our goals. Then the most brilliant thing: 2 at a time told the other one how they saw them, how amazing they were, smart, beautiful, creative, talented, communicative, loving, mothering, passionate, brave, courageous, you are so child like, I love that you touch so much, hug so much I need that, inclusive, how they wanted to be like the other or how their should be more people like them in this world...it went on and on.

Just think, when was the last time you told someone all the wonderful things you loved and saw in them and had them sit there, couldn't say anything but thank you and had to receive it, maybe cry, maybe laugh, but receive it how they could do it best. For me I felt like a little girl all giggles and it's be most I've received in one sitting and it was fabulous. There was so much I could tell you that I loved of what they said and how shocked I was in some of it, but to hear how inclusive I was to the point of one of them saying "you insisted I sit with you at your table as you knew I was new and wanted to include me with your friends. There needs to be more people like you in this world". How lovely to take it in, bathe in it and hear it. I really recommmend it for everyone to do, even if they can't fully receive it or you. How wonderful it would be, I forget so often but hopefully I'll remember more now.

By the end of it we felt so full, so filled up with love and light by giving such a gift and receiving such a gift, how lovely! None of us wanted to leave the next day. It's like all felt like we first really connected and didn't want to let it go. But two of us left anyway the next day and it was sad, I missed them a lot but you somehow get back on your feet when you have too and move on to the next exciting thing in life. And my exciting thing is healing, healing here and then next to Yoga and meditation. I'm excited to see my girlfriend down there if she's still there.

So I'm sure there is a ton more I can say. But I should probably sign off now.
Know that I love you and think of you often. Do something exciting everyday, even if it's small. Are you living full out, celebrating life as much as possible in each moment? Maybe an hour off work early and runnning your toes through the sand would do you some good, or going to tea with a friend just to talk about nothing, but to laugh at life. I am laughing more at life now days, thank goodness! Getting lighter with it and seeing humor in life in each moment of being human, even if it's the after effect. Know that we are to enjoy this journey in this body, we only have this body once, so lets not look at the future but what's before us right now!

I send you love, hugs, giggles and a GREAT BIG SMILE for your day, week and year, Love, Heather

singin' and a dancin'

Hello there again,
Well much has shifted in the past few days! I'm so excited! First my girlfriends and I have been getting together and singing. One plays the ukelelee(sp?) and the other one plays the guitar and we are just singing at the top of our lungs just letting it rip harmonizing beautifully and now people have joined us.

Yet our group is splitting up, one has left already yesterday morning, my roommate. And so now there are three. We have all decided separately we are leaving on Thursday. One of my friends may come with me to a wellness center. This is very exciting for me, it has Ayurvedic massage, cleansing, purifications, nasal clearing, all kinds of things with yoga and meditation, food and room for about $17.00 a day! I'm thrilled about this.

This morning is the first morning I got to dance in India and it felt great. I'm full of life and energy. I'm just ready to go cleanse, heal and get this body massaged!!!!

Yesterday I danced for the first time in India and it felt great!!! Tonight we will be doing a little celebration on the beach with music and dancing to say good bye as we go our separate ways. It's been so beautiful to be with women and for so long. There is something about being with people on going for over a week or so, it feels like a few months.

It would be so easy to stay in some ways as here I get up at 5:50am, have Chai, yummmm! Then go off to yoga and meditation and then meet with the girls for breakfast and chatting for a while afterward. We do our sevas/volunteer work, get a little alone time before lunch of more lovely Indian food (Breakfast and Dinner is water rice and veggies, supposedly it's good for kidneys, and then Lunch is solid rice and veggies), then we get together to eat, talk, sing, have a juice, get a little alone time, sometimes I've gone to the ocean, it's got the craziest waves so high out here, and then Bhajan until 8pm-chanting and then dinner. I crash around 10:30pm-ish. It's good. But I haven't actually gotten an 8 hour sleep since Calcutta. It seems like I don't need much sleep, some nights I only get 4 hours, but it feels good to be up at 4am doing my own thing.
Well I'm off to the wellness center tomorrow and haven't a clue if they have email so if I don't write back soon, know that I'm thinking of you and cleansing!!!! Much love, many hugs, keep your heart open, Love, Heather

Sweet as a Cadbury!

Hello there,
How are you? Man oh man, or woman oh woman or Amma oh Amma!!! Well the train trip was great! 48 hours with being the only white one on the train! It really was so incredible and I get more and more the I am sent Angels to help me! Thank goodness. I am grateful for this. I met a few families on the train that were ever so sweet. I played with the kids, or more like became one of the kids, as all the adults stared at me, they weren't quite sure what to think, but they smiled at me and one family that wasn't so warm at first, through seeing me play with the kids, including theirs, I warmed their hearts and they ended up helping to know where to get off and where to go to get to Amma's instead of staying at a hotel for a night. It was such a relief to have such beautiful people help me! So I've been at Amma's now for 10 or so days now, luckily I came when I did as she stopped doing Darshans 5 days later. She is getting ready for Japan and the US. I've had some great moments here of doing Seva/volunteer work, my favorite though is Pizza doe rolling!!!! Yes, I've become the teacher of it and it's so fun, you have to do it this way, this size and then of course ad a dash of fun, playfulness, joking around and laughter and you got it perfect! Something about doing that Seva makes me so happy and giddy!!!
Life is good here. But it's not India, it has lots of Indian people but it's not India. I go across the bridge and you get a little piece of India, crazy loud music blasting out of a truck with huge speaker driving down the street with a truck in front of it with a loud speaker with some speech being screeched across to everyone. Mean while I'm walking down the street, only white one there looking up to dark skinned, dark eyed and bright whites around their eyes peering out at me, curious. Men in their dhoti's, which is a male sarong/skirt and women in their sari's. All beautiful, staring and not shy about it. It's funny to be in a culture that was never taught that staring may make people uncomfortable.
As I was at Amma's a little girl sat next to me just looking at me, I looked her, she didn't respond to it at all. I made a funny face at her, she just blinked at me, I'd turn away and then look quickly at her, no response, then I tried to tickle her, nope, no response, just blinking those big black eyes at me, hair pulled back into a braid and having no idea what to think or do with this white person next to her.
Amma has been in her room for days now and I thought I'd want to leave when she started her private darshans with people, but honestly it's been so peaceful without all the craziness of doing the darshans. As when she's out everyone, well no, the westerners are stressed, more rude then usual and stepping all over each other to fetch everything to do anything that makes everything go the way Amma wants it to go. These people have no love and respect for one another, very sad, it's like the Indians are pushy, but that's their nature to be pushy, so it's understandable, but the westerns have become just rude and crazed, no patience and they have no idea that you can laugh, play, hug and have fun and be spiritual. They feel or act like-to be spiritual you have to be serious and quiet if not with Amma, hummm......not quite how I want to live but if it works for them, go for it. I'd prefer the personal tone myself. So I am here making people laugh and of course that makes some people not so happy, but I'm ok with that! I'm here to laugh, I've been serious with my spiritual practice way too long, time to play, there is plenty of time to be serious, but not 90% of my time!
There are so many devotees that are making Amma a cult, following her at every moment and thinking she is higher than God, hummm......I just don't see this, I think she is a really amazing human that loves to laugh, joke, hug and love people for hours a day and that is fabulous (though her devotees don't do that, too bad). But some of them give away their power to her, it's a little crazy in my opinion to hear them say "if it weren't for Amma I'd be dead or in an insane asylum" which many feel they'd be insane not for Amma, some still are and don't know it. Everything is "Amma has given so much, etc". Pretty amazing! I'm not sure if I've been around this so much. Yet the great thing is that now that she hasn't come out for so long it's much more peaceful. There is much more time for alone time, healing, meditation or socializing. Which for me it's been very nice to connect with others. There has been a group of us hanging out the past week or so and it's like a great little womens group. I don't think I've experienced anything quite like this in my life, it's so much fun. Laughing, talking about travel, being so concerned with each other, taking alone time, talking about issues together and just being with each other. It's so fun and beautiful.
One of the women and I have just completely bonded like sisters, she's from Australia and we are doing healing together, it's so powerful, like nothing I've ever experienced before. It's so wonderful to let go at such powerful levels of deep emotional places and being able to support her as well. I feel like I'll see her again in OZ, who knows when though, she's traveling around the world on a one year ticket.
Yesterday was so wonderful, we met this gorgeous Indian woman from Kerala and she came with us on a canoe trip. We took the canoe up the river and saw these great villages of children on the side that we waved at, well, I went a little crazy and I'd wave crazy and then they'd copy, I'd move my shoulders and they'd copy, oh my gosh it was so fun to play with them even from the boat and watch them sing and dance along with us while we were in the boat! They were gorgeous to see them and play! The Indian woman, Shanani, she called me trouble as I'd be joking, teasing and making every one laugh or tickling her. She so ticklish, it's great. She gets so happy and loved it with I reached out and hugged her and then kissed her cheek, she just lit up and thanked me as she giggled. She and I have has some great conversations about Indian culture, marriage and touched on the subject of sex, there is much she doesn't know and she gets quite embarrassed about the subject but desperately wants to know about it-very shyly! Indians more learn about babies and the reproductive system more then about making love and the details of it-but then I don't many people know about the details of sex, especially before they have it. So we'll see how it goes the next few days with her on that subject as I told her she could ask me questions. She's happy and scared of that.
I went into a little cafe to use the internet and started talking to the woman owner of it and I turned and hugged her. Well she loved it, I don't think they do that much here but they love it. She responded with "you are as sweet as a Cadbury". I thought that was so cute and had no idea she knew what a Cadbury was. The women love to be touched once you get their walls down, it's lovely really lovely. They walk around with this serious face sometimes and then you smile or touch their arm in a loving way and they just light up, it's so brilliant! Being a woman we aren't supposed to talk or touch men. Well I still talk with them but man is it hard not to touch their arm, I've done it accidentally a few times but they mostly are the ones that around westerners and are used to it!
I really have to try to not touch but I love it. Some of my western friends are shocked when I touch the women but are surprised when they respond so lovingly. It's funny how the women can be so pushy, push through a line or crowd (no lines here, they just crowd around to the tea, well they line up and then at some point they just crowd around and push to get their tea). It's quite fun to be touched and touch others even if it is being pushed. They have no issue with pushing with their whole bodies to get in front of you or to get to the front, very aggressive yet they can be so warm hearted. There is something in the culture here that makes me think they fear not getting food or drink, I haven't gotten to the bottom of that yet but I'll be working on it, as many of the Indians here are not starving, far from it. But they are so lovely. My connections to the people here is just so strong, I love to watch them, smell all the scents they burn or put on them selves.
So I am happy I am here,I am happy that it is so much cooler than Calcutta. Yet I have been having a think called Prickly heat which is little bumps that itch a little and it's caused from heat. I have something call Neem oil, it's helping, the doctors want to put me on an antihistimine, no thank you.
I am seeing a doctor today for my wrist and it's healing, he'll be doing physical therapy on it, over 17 years of doing healing work it needs some help to heal and come back to "normal" again.
I'm looking into a number of Ayurvedic clinics for cleansing and there are lots of options. One of my friends may go with me to the Sivananda Ashram for Yoga, Ayurvedic medicine and meditation, so it will be nice to travel with her! So the healing has begun and it's great. Amma leaves for Japan tomorrow, everyone went crazy last night as she came out and sang with everyone. It was a surprise before she left.
Well I could go on but this is probably enough for now. I am well, I am happy, I am learning a ton about myself and life and so happy to support others in their lives. I'm happy to also be bonding with woman, that feel so nice and refreshing.
I'm writing a ton and it's good. I have been told by the vedic astrologer that I am to dance, sing, act, paint, work with kids, teach about communications and relatedness, and to write books as I will get published and it's good for me-I have so much I want to write. It's pretty amazing how spot on they were with so much about careers and all that I want to do and what I am doing. It gave some great info and it's fun. He really stressed to keep on my spiritual path. And about a month before I came here I decided I was going to become 80-90% vegetarian before India and then vegetarian in India and I've honored that and it feels good-well he told me I need to be vegetarian so I guess I'm right on mark. It's just fun to hear what they say. He also went on to tell me that I'm supposed to be traveling now and it's really good for me-which I knew but it's still fun to hear.
Anyway, I miss you, I think of you often, I send you hugs. Know that you are in my heart. Continue to open, grow and connect with yourself and others! I'm still loving the eye balls here-eye contact, though it gets intense being on a bus and 5 people staring at you and 2 of them continually saying "hallo, hallo, what is your name, hallo, hallo, what is your name?" for 20 minutes. I normally respond, but my girlfriend I was with was really freaked out and I decided it would be best not to, as I know they'd want to talk with her then. But it can be intense. It's low season so not too many tourists.
I need to go. Much love my friends, Heather

An injection of home & EYE BALLS!

Hello there,
I am in India, there are no words and so many words to describe this place. I'm not sure how really. I'm in Calcutta until tonight. My first day here was mind blowing, walking around the streets. The first thing I noticed was EYE BALLS. Wow, I got eye contact every where, hello, where are you from (scary question to answer right now-I'll explain later), where are you going, how long will you be here? The smiles were brilliant. Heart warming to have such connection. But the difference so much from other places I've been that after 5 hours of eye contact and being human with other humans I was pooped! In 5 hours I was the only white person I saw, it was incredible!
Just the experience of riding in on the taxi was just outrageous! It was the same as my last time coming into town. I think they have a script! I get in, I collected some great people to share a taxi ride with, got a prepaid taxi, we all got in, within moment the man says "bakshish 10rs from each of you, 10, 10, 10, 10rs" we said no, then he tried 5rs, we said no. We drive off and within moments we are back at the train station for all of his taxi friends to drive the taxi and see if it's ok or if a tire needs to be fixed. We drive off after their approval. Everything is going fine and then he says if we don't give him bakshish we will be going back to the station, he slowed down, we continued our no, he almost stopped, he made threats, wow, I just had to laugh as it's the exact thing that happened 6 years ago, but that taxi drive did turn around and then back around. Wow, it was amazing. He kept going though!!! then he pulled over to get someone to check out the tire-all we could think of is how is he going to try to get us to pay for this? Luckily it was fine, we drove on and then he lightened up and became a great guy. Which they all are underneith it all.
Something about driving through this city, the dirt, the grime, the culture in the poverty, the unembarrassment of living on the street-as it's their cast, nothing to change, just to accept here, can't change birth of cast here, even if you are a doctor you don't move up cast. Seeing the eyes, as we past other cars, the cars driving like crazy, within inches of each other, such trust of their driving skills. there are no lines on the road and part of the time it's dirt. It's like 3 lanes but all sideways, or on top of each other, and they can't drive without honking. If they just think someone will move they honk. So it makes this very dusty, dirty city a very loud city as well. And they are always talking loud, yelling, or just having to make sound. There is the man rickshaws all over, the men that pick up these double seated carts with a hood over them to protect from the sun and 2 wheels and they pull you all over town. They are thin and very strong. No fat on them, at all.
The smell of India, it's home, it really is home to me. Some is a little strong but the different things they burn is just heaven. I'll be stocking up on it before I leave, it's so glorious. the moment Ianded yet again I was calm. I'm so happy to be in this busy, grimy place. A little sad to be leaving Calcutta so soon tonight to go on my, YES, 48 hour train ride to Kerala, but it's time! Life is an adventure and I've never done 48 hours and so I'm going for it. I'll be there the night of the 8th and in Amma's arms on the 9th!
But backing up a little a few things I need to share one is that first day that I showed up I saw a sign that really rang true but really scared me, the sign read: Worlds #1 Terrorist! and it had a photo of Bush. Well yes I agree, but honestly it makes saying "I'm from the US" a lot harder. I walked on a little scared. Wondering what nationality will I say I am. Well I finally let it go and then I sat down to rest on a step in front of a closed shop. Watching this glorious man with white hair dodge the cars and then turn to me and with a hand gesture gave me a beautiful greeting, amazing eyes. Then I started taking notes as to not forget anything as there was so much I saw that day and this man stopped and stared at me angrily. I didn't know what was wrong. I kept doing my thing and then I thought maybe I should stop writing as the intensity was getting thick around me. I put away the pad of paper and pen and stood to leave, the man walked with me with his intense eyes for a bit and left. I saw the nice man and he did his little hand greeting which I was relieved to get from him and made me smile! I realized that man may have thought I was a terrorist taking notes on something but I don't know for sure, but luckily nothing happened. and it's the only time I've ever felt that kind of thing in India, but there is a lot of fear right now. I walked on to get question by another man where i was from, how I felt about Bush, how did he get elected, did I like Clinton or Bush? Well I won't go into my answers but lets just say the man was shocked when I told him my feelings about it all yet relieved and I left him with I loved India and he was happy with that. I hardly saw any women in parts of town, it's a very mans world here in Calcutta.
I saw this gorgeous woman on the way to Mother Theresa's Orphage, where I was volunteering with the kids there, she had light blue eyes with her brown skin, living on the street. Like the National Geographic photo, she was there with her child. Once I can get it to work I'll upload this email as well as my photos to my blog, but as for now it's not coming up. I worked with the children this week and it was divine, they are such brilliant souls. At first being with the handicap I felt a little scared of them, the difference and newness of it and how do I play with them? Within hours it was gone. I saw their souls, they have such deep eyes, so much is held in there so many stories to be told and so much love and trust in there. To make them laugh was like heaven and thrilling. To feed them could be difficult but a great experience. One little girl adopted me. She would come find me immediately for me to play with her. Her name is Romeda, gorgeous brown skin, brown eyes with curly hair. I could easily take her home with me. She loved to be touched and played with. The first day she wore me out but we had so much fun together. I had my Goddess Necklace on and I taught her the word Goddess and kept saying Goddess Romeda. She kept calling me auntie as most Indians who live on the street or at the Sister house call women auntie, so I turned to her and called her neicie and pointed to her and she'd say neicie. It was so cute. It was lovely to look so deeply into these beautiful souls. And some of them look like children but they are 40 years old, so small, so young looking with so much to say with no words most of the time. Yet it can be very noisy in there with the sounds and the ones that speak.
So I've been drinking all the juices and and food on the street, it's so nice to be here again. And I love how friendly most everyone is. I don't remember it being so friendly but I love it. I slept in a room with 5 other girls in it, one of them, Joan, from South Africa, she and I became instant friends. She has 4 children at home all out of the house-well one lives at home now but in his 30's. She is lovely, I have been introducing her to India and helping the fear of it be released. She's a lot of fun, we've talked for hours, she introduced me to leeches, or leiches-I don't know the spelling, but it's a fruit, it's devine but they do crazy things to my belly.
So I'm not sure, what else without giving you every detail. But I'm safe here, I'm having a blast. I'm on a train tonight for 48 hours to Kerala to be with Amma and to study Ayurveda. I send you all love. I wish I could tell you more but it would take hours. I love you and hug you, Heather

A photo

Though I think it's sideways,it there, as requested by Jade and Mal,a photo of me.This is near a temple with my friend Krystyn! Love you,Heather

Aerobics on the River, On to India!

Hello there,
How are you? I trust life holding you beautifully and pouring life into you! As for me, Bangkok has been a great refuge for me. Lots of fun, introspective time, walking around and new experiences. First let me start by saying I decided to go to the Weekend Market here, OH MY GOSH! I've never been to a market so BIG! It's HUGE! They have everything, well that I could see. And I only touched only a little part. You can easily get lost, thank goodness I'm directional otherwise I'd still be there wandering around-well not really since it closes at 6 or 7pm. But they have bags, clothes, furtinure, food, entertainment of all sorts, that greatest I saw was a diggeridoo player,he was great and I'd never seen a doo extend in length, it was fun!
I decided to go down to Siam Square, this is no shopping place in the US, well yes it is and no it's not. It's like one of the largest malls I've seen times about 6 or 7. As there are about 4 malls right there in a row or maybe 5 and each one of them is 4-5 stories tall, any where from Thai stuff to Gucci and anything in the US. The electronic stores are heaven to look in, man oh man, Heather do not buy that beautiful little computer, get out now! So I did! I've loved writing so much, computers are just so much easier for me-to read and to write on. Well they have a Starbucks, as someone told me there was one, YEASH, but no Chai Latte, bummer;(! If you are going to have a Starbucks you have to have a Chai, it's the best thing in there for non coffee drinkers!!! ; ) Well I found out there is one on Khoasan Rd too, the main tourist road, but nuttin' in there for me! That's good anyway. I will be getting the real chai from India.....TOMORROW!!! That's right I fly out tomorrow. I'm thrilled!!! Ecstatic and so HAPPY. Yet, the funny thing is the travel agent gives me my visa and tells me my ticket will be in tomorrow morning! YIKES! Cutting it close, but so Thai, they've had a whole week to get a ticket and they wait until today-an Indian Holiday (it's with Indian Airlines) and she couldn't get the ticket. So I'll get it tomorrow at 9:30am-ish and on to the shuttle at 10am ish. I'm sure it will all fall into place.
So this place is so human, a contradiction of terms-aren't we humans!!! ; ) Well Thailand has done something so great for their people. They saw that their people were getting obese, yes most of their children (about 80% or so) are obese from all the Western food. Well Thailand decided to do something I feel the world would be a much better place for: they put in free morning and evening aerobic classes for anyone who wants to show up! How terrific! Well what did I do? Yep, I went on down and had a great kick my butt workout with my favorite music artist, all at ultra fast music! Talk about high impact, these people need low impact but they are doing slow impact since they can't keep up, but they are doing great to be there. How lovely to see so many out doors working up a sweat, their back view is the sunsetting over the river and bridge in the background. It was stunning to turn around and see that in the back of us. Sweat was flying off of me, it was great. Me in my Tevas, getting blisters, just doing my aerobics outdoors, no words were used, just hand motions. I ended with dancing like a mad woman and then people coming up and thanking me for joining them and telling me to come others as everyday there are different teachers. I wonder if the country pays the teachers or what. But how amazing, could you imagine in the US, no excuses of "can't afford a gym" well, it's free! Since I come from a family that is about half over weight this is a real concern for me with my family!
I have another great thing to compare to my life here. There are these 3 wheeled tuk tuks here that are used like taxi's without meters and have big puffs of smog coming out their back end-talk about getting in shape just to take a nice breath in of smog or cigarette smoke, makes sense? not really but it's what happens. Anyway, so tuk tuk drivers are so used to saying "tuk tuk" and before getting an answer they walk off, well it's so like when I was in high school these boys would walk up quickly and nervous and say "would you like to dance" and before I could answer they'd be walking off and barely hear me say "yes" and then they'd freeze and turn around in shock-as if they'd possibly heard wrong. So funny. They'd ask if I said yes and I said yes. I'd ask them "why would you ask if you'd walk off before I answered", they'd resonse, "you are such a great dancer I assumed you must be stuck up". Thank goodness I was far from that and got a few male dancers as a girl in high school! Anyway that's what the tuk tuk drivers reminded me off.
The Thai women here really blow me away, so many of them are bigger then the boys, not fat, just bigger boned, they hate to look in the mirror and think anyone with white skin is beautiful, but not them. Where as the boys are feminine, every chance they get to look in the mirror, primp or check them selves out or fix their hair they do it. They love it. It's liket the opposite from what I'm used to when I was young. Even the bus drivers check themselves out in their mirrors in the bus and they aren't even young.
I have met up with 3 people now from Bali. Two of them really felt stuck there also, couldn't stay or leave. They felt it was the black magic that they do there. Well what ever it was it was powerful enough for me to almost extend my visa, thank goodness I didn't-thank goodness Amma spoke to me and told me to come to India as I'll have enough time to spend a few days in Calcutta and then take a 20 hour train trip down to Madras, stay with that family I met on the train and then go the 16-20 hour train trip to Kerala-I may break it up, but who knows how, as I won't know until I get there! Luckily Amma has extended her stay so I have a little time to play with! The Universe is working in my favor! Thank goodness! Anyway, back to Bali, I won't say all of Bali is "bad" or tranced, I'll just say the Ubud has an intense energy, it hit me everyone I met that loved Ubud stayed outside of Ubud and only came into town to do business and go back home. It's like a magnet to keep you there. Anyway, I'm happy for the great people I met and the batiks I made and the classes I took! Plus some of the day trips and Gili was just brilliant-everything happens for a reason! Just funny to hear others that have gone through what I went too.
So I went to my first movie theatre on this trip. Well it starts out with 15 minutes of previews-so those of you whole like being a little tardi, this is perfect for you! Then they start showing pictures of their King on the screen, everyone stands up at attention to honor their King,that means tourists too! Can you imagine if we had to do that with our president. I wouldn't go to a movie for 8 years, no thank you, I'd rather puke! Just my opinion. But they love their King so much. They have photos of him every where and the line from the Lion King, "Long Live the King" all over. And they have it written on those yellow plastic bracelets that we have in America for donating to I forget what. But the King is getting old so they are concerned. So dedicated to their leader and love him so much.
Well I'm not sure how you are about loud music or even more distorted music, well I know how some people feel about this. But I have gone into some restaurants, markets, and malls that their music is completely distorted from blown out speakers or too loud of music. So you are sitting their listening to all of this music from these vibrating or is it lack of vibrating speakers that sounds, let's say not so great. It's funny, they don't seem to notice! I love this. America seems to have everything so perfect,here, no way! It really makes you look and think, why do we do things "this way" or "that way". I mean speakers are different. But they'll do other funny things like sit you at a table, walk off, and go do a few things before you get a menu (as you are hoping you'll be on time for the movie!!!). The thing that kills me is these waiters that will serve you your meal and there is no way he could tell you what you look like? He's there and gone before you know it. You are saying Kop Koon Ka (Thank you) to no one by the time you look up. It's such an empty feeling to know that you are just another thing they serve with no care. It really feels sad to me. I mean really we need to look at our lives, where are we not seeing the people around us, caring for out customers, really hearing the other person speaking or focusing even on what we are talking about. Are we on automatic and care about what we are saying or are we just talking to talk? I sometimes catch myself talking and half the way through I realize I'm not even interested in what I'm saying, how can they be if I'm not? Yikes! It makes me think, if I'm not passionate about what I'm saying why should I open my mouth? I get more and more that there is less to say if you take out all the filler talk-the non important things. It's like rice-filler food! Not much nutrition (if it's white and some others) but it fills you. And here boy does it fill you. I have to limit myself to only one rice dish a day. Otherwise there goes my girlish figure!!! ; ) I'll be cleansing it all out in India thank goodness! I've spend the past few days going in and out of bookstores researching Ayurvedic clinics, resorts and every where in between in India. I'm very excited that I have found amazing places from free to over $55.00 a day for treatments! There is also some kind of martial arts there that I may look into. There is a ton of creative stuff there too-painting, pottery (free classes on these), on top of yoga and the list goes on....
Back to the people here, it is so sad to see so many Thai women with these Western men. They really look to be with someone that can take care of them, they get a mans number and call them constantly, until the men throw out their sim cards and get a new one, but then they catch one or a man catches one of them and then they look miserable. Not all of them but so many of them. I can't imagine. And so many of these men are leaving in days, weeks, months or coming back every few months and who knows if they wait around or go find another, they just look so unhappy. The difference my friends and I have seen is that in Bali most every one puts on a happy face no matter what and here you can see what they are feeling. The men always look happy or some don't speak or can't speak to their mates, who knows which. But something feels off. I just realized that most of the guesthouses in the area say "no Thai's upstairs" or "no Thai's without permission" to keep the prostitution out, thank goodness. But then some women who are not Thai are stopped and told they can't go to their rooms, as they think they are Thai but they aren't. Pretty crazy for those girls. The women here with Western men don't seem to have a voice, they seem so small, but my sense is once they would get their men they'd become themselves again. As so many of them are out spoken, but around men they are being courted by they become different.
This is something I noticed in my early 20's women being nervous about going on a date. I couldn't understand it. I talked to them about it and it came from not really being comfortable in their skin with themselves and feeling they weren't enough and they didn't have a choice, only the men had the choice. If we always keep in mind, we are choosing too then there is no problem. I have felt that feeling in my life at times of feeling like "will they choose me" but when I turn it around to "will I choose them" all of a sudden it brings my power back to me. How many times have we either gone out with someone as they wanted to or taken a job as we felt like we had no other choice? We always have a choice. I realized I walked into a job interview and they were shocked that I had just as many questions for them as they had for me, if not more. They were taken back realizing that they were being interviewed too. Some people actually like that as they know that you care and want to like where you work-work takes up so much our time, we might as well be happy where we are and with the people-the people make the place you work. I can deal with crappy work (well I don't think I've had crappy work before, always doing massage, hair, personal training and one deli job as a kid)as long as I get along with the people I work with. That is why I just couldn't do hair in LA, the people in the industry are too much to handle and everyone who comes in to get their hair done has this gorgeous hair with curls and they want me blow it out to straight so they can look like Jennifer Aniston (I love her), but let her be her and you be you. It was just too much attitude and not enough heart for me. I'd try to talk to them about their hobbies, passions, things they do for fun and it's like they weren't their or understand or just wanted to talk about the Biz or negative things. We need to really look at where we are happy and not and see where we can change. That is what I'm doing on this trip. Man or man, and I have encountered some resistances this week, YIKES, I had no idea I could be so resistant to the next step. But it's there, really there. So on to letting go and finding the way to forgiveness for the self. My system is struggling with it, not sure how but I'm sitting back, feeling it, seeing it want to run, feeling the tears, breathing and breathing some more and just watching to see if I get the answers to myself forgiving me. I feel self forgiveness is one of the hardest, as we are so hard on ourselves. I mean, to forgive another sometimes is really hard especially when people do such horrible things as rape people, kill people, etc but how do we forgive ourselves for putting ourselves in those positions? No one teaches this, forgiveness of the self. This is my next step, so I'll keep listening and loving and see what's next. It's funny I walked down the street today and every sign I saw I breathed in forgiveness-it's Bangkok, lot of breathing here and forgiveness in those breaths but after a while you can hyperventalate!!! (sp?) So maybe every street sign next time, and it keeps you present too, instead of thinking of yesterday or tomorrow.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, the movie I went too....I went to see Miss Potter, if you haven't seen it, it's so sweet. Touching and well, it's a great story that turns love story in a oldies kind of way, for me a tear jerker, but that is me with.....well you'll have to find out for yourself. Talk about some who knows what they want and go for it no matter what! At that time it took a powerful woman to go through what she went through and bust through to the other side. Another great movie to tell you to do what you love, what your heart wants to do and all will fall in line, it' powerful, she had no idea how successful she was at first as she wasn't doing it for money but she was able by the end to help so many in the end saving land, it was just so wonderful, what a great story of faith in ones self, ones art and going for it! And YEAH for fathers for stepping in and encouraging their daughters!
So my friends I really am loving it here, I'm so thrilled about India, but right now I'm pooped and need my bed. Considering a massage before bed, who knows if I will. But my pillow is really calling me though! I miss and love you so much and send you many hugs. Be well, be in love with your life, keep breathing, and keep in touch, I love hearing from you. Love and blessings, talk to you from India next, Heather
Mal and Jade, yes I promised you photos of me on my blog, but this place doesn't allow that from here, maybe next time. I haven't forgotten!