The Beingness of Life in Pushkar!!!

Hello there my lovely Ones,
How are you? Well I finally left Pune. Yes, it took a bit, my supposed 1-2 weeks lasted 4 weeks and I still feel the calling to go back, so I'll see.
Right now I have moved up to Pushkar, WOW, WOW, WOW! I loved this place 7 years ago, where I spent my 30th birthday with Renee and now it's still amazing. A little hectic in comparison but honestly calmer than most places and the perfect place to be in my beingness and DO NOTHING! The world of nothingness is calling me and it's brilliant.

But let me start by telling you a bit about my journey here. Firstly I told you that my whole train got canceled the week before when I gave up and said "if I am to leave please let me leave, but if not I let go and let You take care of it" and sure enough I didn't go the earlier Friday. Talk about the power of the mind, canceling a train of thousands of people on it, pretty powerful, we must have all not wanted to go with the collective consciousness.

So the last few days in Pune were the best. I performed belly dancing with a two women and this man that came on and just was great chasing us around the stage and playing around with us. Then once all was over everyone got on stage and we all danced together-that was the best part, everyone laughing, dancing, and just being with each other. That was my good bye night of Osho's as the next day I felt complete, no urge to go back there. That was great as last time it wasn't so easy dragging me away from there.

I met this gorgeous couple that made my last few days in Pune just perfect. Besides really getting to take in Pune, walk around seeing life there, being in nature and just having a chai, reading and writing, being with them was amazing. My last day was the best as it felt like I was giving back to the Universe through them as I have been given so much on this trip and now I got to give part of what I know through Tantra and intuition. It was beautiful.

The day started with a walk on my own and then going to their sweet 2 bedroom home and we all fixed breakfast together and ate the most amazing porridge I've had, we all chipped in with fruit and nuts. We all ate, had the most incredible conversations and then I put on music and we danced. It started out a little odd, as dancing brings up so much for so many and we were adjusting to each others energies. And them being a bi cultural couple it changes things as well (she's Indian and he's from Australia). Well we danced, it turned into breathing in rhythem, then it turned almost cathartic, it went to childs play and then very animalistic and into petting and massage and laying onto the floor of groundedness bellies to the floor feeling mother nature taking us in.

We finally got up and got on the subject of relationship stuff, issues and I just started working with them, it was as if it was meant to be and so gorgeous. We talked, I showed them some exercises and man oh man it was just powerful to watch them go through their stuff. How empressive, present and courageous they were/are.

They ended up inviting me to stay in their spare room and so we talked to all hours of the morning, it was so amazing and so much chai that was the best chai with mint in it, I couldn't sleep. So after 3 hours of sleep and feeling at peace with my decision to leave though it would have been nice to be with them longer, they got me a rickshaw, fixed me my porridge, took care of me up until the end of waving good bye.

I got to Bombay and luckily I had little angels again, as I was told I wasn't supposed to change train stations but these Indian angels looked at my ticket and not only told me but bought my inner city train ticket, made sure I got to the right track and a little old woman made sure I got off at the right stop! Talk about easy.

The wait in the train station was an eye opener. People were as usual sleeping on the ground but was blew me away and I felt completely helpless with was seeing this Indian woman tie the hands and feet together,of her sweet daughter with no underwear on but a little dress on and then tossing her the other direction with no regard to the girls feelings, as if she didn't want to see her face. The little girl struggled to get free, didn't cry but just lay there struggling. Mean while I was stuck in my tracks, "do I go over and untie her?" I just seen a verbal almost physical fight between Indian women and they are strong women, I had no interest in being in the middle. I'm standing there holding my breath, right out there in the open, no embarassment from the mother, as if was normal to treat your child like this. I mean in the US if we'd do this we'd do it in secret on in the open-sad to say either way. But finally her father walked over and untied her. I couldn't move, I was so grateful for the father but still dumb founded by this. I finally walked on, my heart ached.

Then I saw a woman on the train tracks, no shame, just pooped away. I really get how lucky we are in the west. I mean, how many times do we see these things, experience these things. We don't have a caste system that condemns us from doing what we want in life. If we want to be a lawyer, we do it, but these people, they don't even fight to go further if toilet washing is their caste-which is the lowest of castes and that is why none of the toilets get cleaned as they aren't hired to clean the toilets. The westerners have to come in and clean them if we want them clean and if they are clean-which I've not seen who knows who has cleaned them.

So now I'm in Pushkar and learning the art of Beingness. Really just being, I wanted to leave the second and third day as I had nothing to "Do" and though I've craved this non doing and beingness as soon as I got it I wanted to leave. Be careful what you ask for. But it's been beautiful to get up and have no yoga class, no meditation, no anything I have to do. I get up and hear my little Indian friends words that said "come from your heart, not your mind" and I ask, what does my heart want right now? I want porridge or yoga, or a walk, or to be with friends and let me tell you, my heart has slowed down. I spent the whole day yesterday doing nothing, except being with friends, writing and reading and it was so amazing. I may just stay here for the rest of my trip in India, but it depends on what my heart wants.

I'm learning so much on how I want to run from my mind, as much meditation and vipassana as I have done it's still knocking saying, "hello, run, run, don't hear me, feel me, just think and run". Well I don't know when I'll leave, I have no where to go, nothing to do. I have some great women around me, first Americans I've seen and hung out with I think in India.

I was watching some pigeons this morning and I got a huge lesson from them. This male pigeon kept hopping from telephone line to telephone line chasing this female pigeon, she finally flew off. It looked as if he thought to go after her but didn't, he paused and then he jumped to the other line to get close to another pigeon and she moved over. He finally stopped and flew off. I got it so much in that, the more we chase, look, hunt for something, grasp for something we want outside of ourselves "please fulfill me, please give me what I feel I can't give myself" we are left alone and we can either keep doing this or stop it. We humans so many times want someone else to fulfill us, I'm guilty of this, but to see it in animals (now who knows what they were thinking but this is just my human projection as I am as I'd say in my language anthropromorphorizing-I know that is not the real word but it's mine!!!)that was incredible. We don't need anything outside of ourselves.

But then I feel connection with other humans is a need, so how to balance that we'll see. I mean we can survive without it but it's not too much fun. But we always go through life, if I had this job or that person, or that friendship or that car.....I'd be happy? Are we happy then or do we just want for something more? Osho says there are 3 stages of joy and happiness is the lowest form of joy as it is momentary, it doesn't last, joy is a level up but Bliss is the ultimate as it has consciousness, it's connected to source, our higher being. It's ever present. To get to Bliss we need consciousness, love, trust,self-forgiveness and self acceptance. These are key things to real bliss, I also think a good since of humuour is a good thing as well. I wrote a huge amount on this in my diary, maybe I'll write it out sometime for you if you want to hear it. It was pretty amazing.

We as humans really need to just start taking responsibility for our lives, our relationships, stop the blaming and just accepting ourselves and then the acceptance of others come. And in this communication is huge. So many of us were raised to say things like "you made me feel this way" or "he made me do it" but really who makes us feel or do anything. We feel a certain way, that's it, it our feelings so we own them. Then we can say "I felt this way when this happened" or even better if there is confusion "What did you mean by this? As I took it this way" and then we can open for a discussion instead of walking around blaming others for everything.

Anyway, I could go on for hours on that. I haven't embodied all of this but man oh man it's nice to be aware of these things more and more. The nothingness of just being, watching my mind is a full time job here. Really feeling my heart and asking what it wants, that's powerful. What does your heart want? Yesterday I wanted to be with friends for most of the day and got some alone time, so I did. Letting go that I have to entertain others if they are around me, as that is not my job. My job is to take care of me. My little Indian friend Manoj wanted to go hang out with me, he's the one that told to listen to my heart and not my head, I said, "my heart wants to go home and read so I'll see you later". Funny enough he wanted to go with me and by the time he got down the stares I had laughingly galloped off down the street! Boundries, getting better! Yes!

So everyday I go down to the lake, as Pushkar sits around this holy lake that the people go down too every day and for a culture that is all about covering up the pink parts (as I call them) the women take off their tops and bathe and then put their tops back on, the men go down to their underwear wash themselves and then get dressed and though nothing is cleaner a the water and the huge fish that come up and try to eat everything are living there-they aren't any holier then anything either. But the people feel their Karma has been washed away and they are cleaner for bathing there. India a world of contradictions of COVER UP/GO NAKED AT THE GHATS.

So I sit meditating or taking in the lake everyday and just be there. It's so peaceful. Well peaceful but man oh man the sexual energy either in this town or in me is going crazy. I know others are feeling it as the Indians keep coming around me even more-no thank you. Plenty of friends have told me stories of their rendevous with Indian men, not for me! I think this place just relaxes you enough to let all the hormones just turn on, pretty wild!!!! Other than walking around in the constant state of arousal it's quite a relaxing and soothing atmosphere.

I'm looking for a cooking class as when I get back I want to cook some great Indian food for everyone.

The thing I love most of Rajastan (the state here) is the colors, all bright colors, vivid and sometimes flourescent. It's amazingly powerful to see the brown streets, the green desert and then the bright reds, orange, yellow, greens and purples floating down the street with shear material blowing in the breeze behind them. They all cover their hair here, it's been told to me it's the most repressed state in India as the women, if married, still have to cover their hair and sometimes face. The hair being a very sensual part of the body and needing to be covered not to draw attention to it. But it's so gorgeous, though it's sad for the reasons behind it.

So I'm happy, I'm relaxed, I'm enjoying just being, eating great Indian food and sitting, doing healing work on myself, thinking about doing a cleanse, and fresh fruit juice every where. It's hot so you only want to eat one or two meals a day. I ate at 3:30pm the first time yesterday and started getting hungry again at 9:30pm as it started to cool off, yet I hate eating that late. But a samosa or two won't kill me, besides I hung out with friends until 12:30am. It's just so nice to be around these woman, lots of fun, laughter and just so relaxed!

Ok, there is so much more I can tell but I'll leave you with this and these photos's finally.

I love you, trust your gut, listen to your heart, make time for what's important and remember to smile and laugh more. I send you love, Heather