BRALESS IN INDIA!!!!

Hello Dear Ones,
Yes that is right, Braless in India. Though I have been in India for 5 months now I still haven't put a bra on and sometimes my eyes are in the middle of my chest. Sometimes I can blow it off and other times-like at Osho's I said to the Indian man in the class- "my eyes are up here"-ok maybe a little blunt but the truth. It's funny. They aren't used to seeing undraped breasts, as the women here have a bra, a top over it and a sari or a sawar that they wear at least a bra under. My experience the other day was these two boys on a bike and the driver almost ran me over as he was staring so much, pretty funny, except I had to dodge him.

Speaking of dodging, being in Rishekesh you have to dodge everything, they have a very close radius of space here, so they may even barely brush you when they drive by on the motor bike, bicycle or even walking by you, but they love to drive right at 'cha so you dodge them, it's funny-at times. Sometimes to keep the heart calm. India tests every day.

Then there are the monkeys. We have lots of monkeys at my place, any where from small to huge. Very aggressive and they want food and know you fear them, as if you get bitten you have to get a rabies shot-not fun and sometimes painful with their huge needles. So I'm sitting peacefully in my room minding my own business reading a book, noticing it was time to go to class and all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I see my door open.

No not a person, but a huge ass monkey looking for food and thinking this is his territory. He walks in climb up my shelves and grabs my banana, comes down, peels it confidently and with a swiftness, eats it and looks at me. My heart is racing knowing I had to leave, knowing if I did anything that he could bite or attack and I had no interest in that. I feared him smelling my peanuts in my bag next to me. YIKES! He climbs back up my shelves finds nothing, I scream to get out and move toward him and he lunges at me with his teeth in full view. Well I know who was boss there. He finally left, my heart pounding I closed and locked the door and then left for yoga. Shew! Watch out for the monkeys in your life!!! ; )

So what can I say, I had great insights this morning, pondering when I might leave India, how long to spend in Thailand before I go to OZ (Australia), etc and then it hit me. As lovely as this trip has been it's not been all that fun and roses. It's been hard really a times, lovely at others. But I didn't come away on this trip to explore India from head to toe, to look for adventure and be crazy. I came away to unwind from LA and heal, healing isn't always fun. It's at times serious and down right boring, tear producing, bring all your internal voices out, making you crazy as well as laugh at yourself-a key to healing. So I sit here feeling amazing, knowing that I've written and gone through some amazing things yet still feel this trip wasn't as fun as the others, but it's now nice to be conscious of the why, bring resolve and let go and enjoy all the parts of healing of this trip.

I've seen and felt and gone through much and it's been great to share them with you and hear back from you, your experiences. As it feels like it brings me closer to you to hear from you. I got a great lesson from other monkeys this morning on friendship. Sitting outside my room I saw a monkey come down and sit on the other roof and another monkey come down and plop right next to him, against him. With no regard for space, no thought of "does he want me here or not" just a natural tendency to touch. The first monkey immediately looks down and starts preening the other monkey, picking bugs and dirt out of his fur. Now for me, that's friendship.

I mean look at it, you can rely on the other to be there, keep you touched, loving you, clean and just be with the other. When was the last time you were so comfortable with a friend you could just plop your head down in their lap and know they'd pet your face or hair and just love on you even if it was for a moment? No fear of what if they aren't in the mood etc? Now I know this is all my head stuff coming out but there is something so comforting in doing this. I used to do it with my mother, my friends in high school, or them with me, with my best friend up in Northern California. So I look forward to building a community of friends to plop down with and love and be loved by. Maybe have a plop and cuddle party, you know me and my parties. I love to have a party!!!! Now lets be creative! ; )

Ok, so about friendship, incredible enough I was finishing up Leo Buscaglia's book on Loving Each Other-which I highly recommend, and he talks about friendship. Listen to this: "Friendship reflects a deep regard for the value of the person. It tells us that people do not exist merely to satisfy our needs and fulfill our lives. They too have needs and lives to be actualized. In this sense we are responsible for ourselves while willingly accepting responsibility for another's becoming. It is a voluntary sharing, a mutual agrement to enrich each other's life processes through the revealing of ourselves as they do the same for us."

"In a friendship, each individual affirms the other's presence and reinforces the other's ntegrity. As the friendship becomes deeper it becomes a deeper it becomes a sharing of vulnerabilities in a safe environment. We let each other know that our becoming is of the utmost interest and concer. We show in action that we respect and admire one another, that we enjoy the opportunity to be together and to share experiences." Isn't that beautiful!

Later he goes on to talk about how most people don't want to work on a relationship-be it romantic or friendship and all relationships takes work. He says most people walk away and terminate a relationship before the real work begins-my words and I can relate because I've experienced this in my life. I have a bad day, I am cranky, I do something crazy or controlling, say something not nice and then the inner door to the other person closes and I don't hear from them again.

I know that it wasn't a friendship then but why the fear of talking? Why the fear of working it out? Why not talk, share, express what you feel and need or give the other person a chance to apologize or accept that the other person only had 5 hours sleep and just wanted to get to the hotel to rest, instead of letting go of the whole thing. What is your experience with this? How are you when it comes to conflict in your relationships? I mean we are going to have them-someone cancels on you at the last minute because they get an appointment and you could have had plans with another or what ever it is, how do you work with this?

I want to thank you for sharing with me what friendship is to you, it really is so beautiful, insightful and incredible to hear what it is. We aren't all raised in a way that friendship or relationships come naturally to us. For me I feel much more comfortable in intimate relationships then friendships, for the fact that if I know my partner really cares and loves me I know they'll stay, I don't always see that friends make the time to talk, share and stay, but this has got to change within me as I'm creating it as we all create all of our realities. What we think, we create. What are you creating in your relationships?

So I'm in this yoga course-Agama Yoga, Wow, it's intense. This first week has been a smidge of asanas and a ton of theory, man oh man it's intense. Who knows if I'll stay for the whole month but I'm getting a ton out of it. It really makes you think: can we really be enlightened in this life time. I've had some powerful meditations since this course started. Yet there is a a feeling of being torn a feeling of a tug of war within me. It's about enlightenment, doing your practice daily 1-15 hours a day, not needing anyone, just doing your inner work so you are cleared from all your impure thoughts and impulses and be cleaned body and soul. It's powerful, it pulls me in but it really challenges some of my other beliefs.

The belief that we are human beings and being a human being we need other people and people help for us to have a happy, fulfilled, blissful life. So on one hand reading about the humanness of relationships of Leo Buscaglia and then to go to this course on sitting and meditating on "who am I" and many other solitude things really makes me go hummm....can I do both, can we reach enlightenment and have a life, they claim yes. They claim that if you put in 5-6 hours a day on your inner practice you can still be enlightened and people have done it in 6 years with a full time job but no friends, no life. Well what kind of life is that? Do we have to choose? Is it that core bliss we are looking for or are we looking for the monumental happiness from everyday life from others and experiences.

Makes me really look at my life, see who I am, what I want in this life. How do I want to live, purify and be in the world? What about you?

Also most enlightened people I have met surround themselves with people, laugh a ton, they are happy with people and are with people for hours out of their day, not locked up in a room or cave some where meditating. Osho says "only an unhappy person meditates" Otherwise there is no reason to meditate as we meditate to find happiness. Pretty funny eh. And why do all these western people go around working on enlightenment next to these gloriously happy, blissful people-The Dalai Lama and Amma, yet most of the westerners are so sad, inward, and SERIOUS. If we are looking for enlightenment, love the energy of these incredible being then why aren't we laughing, smiling, hugging and being with others? Things to ponder.

So as you can tell I am still in India, in Rishekesh, I found my yoga teacher of 7 years ago, it's been amazing to be with him. He and I both lit up when seeing each other, how lovely! He pushes me in my classes. Yet now I only go a few times a week as I'm with this other training. But the energy in me is opening. I can feel energy awakening and this is energy that has been dormant maybe my whole life and it's rushing in. The sun is healing me, the asanas are healing me, the breath work, meditations and what has been really powerful is my time down at the Ganga (holy river) chanting.

That is one of my favorite parts of being here, chanting with my chai next to the river every morning, chanting through the streets and seeing how people respond to me. As it's India, you get Eyeballs all day, everyday even if you don't want it and you get responses to what ever you do even if you do nothing at all. I wanted eye contact, I got it. It's powerful. And well the invite came again and I took it. I was asked to dance for some friends and so we got together and I put on some Lisa Gerard and blissed out again in movement.

Again the words that come over and over to me-it's like your soul dancing or your soul was dancing. So maybe there is something in it. My friend Moo almost cried. For me how powerful is it that someone can feel my dance so powerfully and she said I empowered her-I don't know how as it's just what I love, but then when I watch dance I feel the same, so maybe it's just that! I'm grateful for these gifts. Plus I sang for them in this restaurant and what came as a surprise as I was trying to be quiet was the whole restaurant stopped, looked and listened, I'm surprised I didn't blush, but then maybe I did. Ok, so my address is on singing and dancing-I can handle that and I'm thrilled about it. Just hang on as I am just letting the Universe take me.

Another great insight that I got was going to Australia feels like a coming home. It's not a place I want to go to and do all the tourist stuff, it's a place that I want to sit, watch people, watch myself, set up a hammock and read a book, write, maybe write a book, dip my toes in the rivers of life there and be in nature. If I can find a beautiful, peaceful place to be, gardening, around beautiful people, maybe part of a community of people, time alone as well and dance, sing, work some and then play. But it's some how a coming home to me, even though never being there that's what it feels like-coming home, as well as seeing friends I haven't seen in years and some in months. I look forward to sharing it with you via email, yet probably won't be emailing as much. I'll see.

I am loving Rishekesh, I'll let you know when I know when I'm off to Thailand to fly to Oz. If you are going to be in either place please let me know. I'd love to see you, have a chai, sit on the beach and give you a great big hug. I look forward to hearing from you. Love you, Heather