Cow chasing me down the street-he wants my grapfruit!

Hello there,
How are you? How is your life? Your family and friends? I am doing great, doing lots of contiplating, meditating, being and trying to let of what ever plan I think I have-crazy I'm on holiday and I'm still planning-yikes! Yet some is necessary. For example: I HAVE BOUGHT MY TICKET TO AUSTRALIA!!!!! Yes it's actually happening, my dream of going to OZ is happening- a long awaited dream since probably childhood when my mother would talk about Australia and how she wanted to go and how beautiful it was and watching Crocidile Dundie movies and being excited about being there. Well on Oct 24th I fly from Phuket (it's pronounced Poo ket, not fuckit'!!!!) Thailand and get into Sydney on Oct 25th. So if you are around I'd love to see you there.

Oh and since we are on the subject of planning. You are invited to my birthday party-yes I am planning one even if it's only me, I'll be there!!!! I'm planning on being in Byron Bay, Australia and hopefully in the wilderness or on the beach with friends, dancing, laughing, sharing, playing games and anything else that comes to mind on November 25th-I also give notice just in case you may want to fly out!!! hint hint!!! ; )

Last time I wrote I was in Pushkar, wonderful amazing, loving, Pushkar-so many lessons of being, still being absorbed, so much beauty, so many great people that I met on the street. Walking down the street saying hello to all the locals, eating at my favorite places and meeting new friends, dodging the cows-that have tripled in 7 years since I've been here, dodging the people, dogs, the push carts that call them selves rickshaws as cars aren't allowed to drive there but these people pushing carts are allowed to take you and your luggage to your hotel and I mean that people will sit on the carts sometimes and be pushed-crazy! And then there is the dodging of the motor bikes that love to honk the whole way through Pushkar just in case you may not know they are there and they drive too fast down these little alleys that about are 6 people wide sometimes a little more narrow and sometimes less narrow.

I really was in love with getting up and walking down to the lake surrounded by the blue and white buildings, where everyone bathes on the ghats as it's a holy lake, taking in everything, seeing the sun rise, reading, writing for hours, having chai on the roof top of my guesthouse-called the chill out cafe!

The last few days I was there was so great, I went for a hike to the top of the highest mountain there with a temple on top. The few was spectacular, watching the sun come up over the mountains, shining out and lighting up the green desert below, breath taking. The hike up was great, love the sweat and exercise, but the way down from the temple was the greatest because all the locals and tourist Indians were coming up and ALL wanted their photos taken. HOW BRILLIANT!

If you have never been to Rajastan, the thing that is so different are the bright colors of the people, if not in florescent greens, then reds, or orange, purple, pink, anything as long as it screams BRIGHT ! I love it. It's so different from the rest of India and this all against a green back ground of desert. And they are so serious in the photos but before and after the photos they are laughing and joyous and they love to see their photos on the digital camera, what a gift to give them. Many have never seen a photo of themselves. I wish I had a separate camera to take photos of them as they look laughingly onto their faces in the little metal box with a screen that has their face in it!

But I caught one family, as they got all serious for the photo and pulled the camera away, stuck my tongue out at them and made a funny face, they laughed and I captured it! All teeth, bright eyed and happy! In their normal state with their family. Even though someone did point out they don't laugh as much in Pushkar, but I think that is only in the main bazaar area as every where else I saw them and heard them laughing.

The other amazing thing that happened coming down off the hill, besides having chai with a group of men at the bottom, visualize this, a little stall, covered by black plastic on the top, a man fixing chai in is pot, the milk steaming, bubbling, almost over, pouring in the seasonings, water, and 12 men sitting on stools, benches, rocks and squatting all under a tree in the shade, all in conversation with each other, all in white pants and long white tops and some even with nicely pressed hat-now mind you everything is ironed neatly and kept crisp on these men and all happy to have me join them.

And everytime I join a tea stall many others come around. I think I bring them business actually, they even serve others tea that came after me, as I think they like a tourist being there. It's kind of cool and since I'm not in a hurry it's great! Why rush a good thing!

Ok, back to the other great thing that happened that day, I came down off the hill and these men all wanted their photos and with me and then they told me to go into the temple and dance- I replied "notch" which is hindi for dance and they laughed and loved that I knew that word-though I haven't a clue if it's how it is spelled. I went in and the Universe really works in fabulous ways. The people in the temple were chanting a chant that was easy to pick up so I started chanting on the side, they invited me to be with them so I walked over and sat with them.

The woman next to me kept wanting me to dance. I finally motioned that if she danced I'd dance and she joined me for a bit dancing and playing. I kept it PG-13. Then once I was into it she sat down. I really got how conscious I was being in a temple and not to be too sexual with my moves but then I realized that so much energy and that includes sexual energy is in every move but it doesn't have to be overtly sexual but it's subtle energy flowing through every cell of my body and I just listened to it and let it take me, let go of any performance and they did not stop chanting until I got really slow and then they stopped. I was a drippy mess by then, sweat from my elbows, my knees, every where.

Then they wanted me to photograph them, me with them and then they got me to dance again and then they got up and danced with me as one man took photos of us. Well I put it out there I want to dance, have an audience and here it is yet another ashram/temple and I'm dancing before people and they were so grateful and happy to have me chant with them and dance for and with them! It truly made my day. I danced for 1- 1 1/2 hours it was great. I'd just said I wanted to dance that morning and I got it. I finally bowed in nameste and excused myself to go shower and change clothes at my hotel.

I think I've performed more on this trip then in my life and I'm more and more excited about this. As it means I'm open to this. It's like that quote from Osho-which I may have said before but I love "if you are born a dancer and are a book keeper and dancing work can't come to you as you are at the book keeping address and it bounces back". I love that.

So I left my cherished Pushkar with friends and now we are up in Rishekesh, another favorite place of mine! I'm ecstatic to be in the mountains, fresh air, only motor bikes again, no cars, yes!!!! Everything is green and lush, the Gange-holy river, is very wide and running quickly, they ask you not to go too far in as I guess one person drown last year. Now they have chains to hold on to so you bathe and not worry about going down the river. And everyone bathes in the Gange!

This place is a holy place, filled with nature, peaceful energy and has the spirit of God or creation or both and then some. My heart is calm, my body and mind is happy to be here. I wake up and go for a walk at 6am, before sunrise, or sit on the river and meditate and chant as the sun comes up over the green treed mountains. Listening to nature of other people chanting or to the music up stream. Have a chai on the side of the street from a tiny stall that wakes you up gently and lovingly with the taste of masala spice and sugar.

Of course then there is my favorite drink from the last time I was here. I'm so happy it's still here. They squeeze lemon into a glass, then they take a sweet water with a little bit of bubbles, tap the top of the bottle with a steele utensil which pops something inside the glass-a rubber ball or something, it fizzes, he pours it into the glass of lemon, puts some spices in it, pours it from glass to glass to mix it and voula, it's a refreshing drink that cools and soothes your body and belly-even with or without ice. I don't want to know where the ice comes from as most drink the gange water but so far my belly is fine!

The funny thing about this town is the that the cows are extra small, well except one, they aren't normal size. the people file down their horns so they can't stab people like one cow tried to do the last time I was here but we all learned to avoid him. The cows have become more aggressive with wanting to be fed too. I watched several people buy bananas and they had to peel them very quickly to give the peel to the cow before the cow got the whole banana. I was chased by a cow last night that wanted my grapefruit, finally I got away and into an area he wasn't allow to go. Never had a cow chase me for fruit before.

So it's peaceful here, I'm finding yoga classes-as this is yoga central for India. I'm loving the altitude and freshness of the area. It's supporting me to look in. What keeps coming up on this trip for me over and over is: "what is friendship? What it is to you? Who are you as a friend? What are your qualities as a friend? What do you most want/need from a friendship? What do you give as a friend? What does friendship mean to you/me?" So many questions as I watch people interact with one another. Feeling like a foriegner even to those from my own country. The feeling of separateness I feel sometimes and then bamm something happens and I feel included. It's all in my mind if I feel included or not, how about you? When do you feel included? What do you think and feel friendship is?

For me it's huge, not quite gotten it down to something I can explain simply. I'm still learning what it is really, are you too? I know a friend listens, someone who loves to laugh, loves to share, accepts the other, someone who is touchable-I have to be able to touch someone to be their friend, something I've know for years, someone who will call me on my stuff, yet will hold each other when there are tears, authentic, truthful, up front, honest, compassionate and available for the other even if it's a 2 minute phone call just to say "Hey I'm thinking of you". I love that. Yet I know it's bigger then all of that, it's giving, recieving and being in silence together with comfort and being able to go do your own thing and be supported in it.

It's funny I know in one of my last emails I wrote about the pigeons that are looking outside themselves to get what they need-my interpretation anyway, but I also get that as humans we really are social beings, people they need touch and contact to live a full life. So there is a need of others, it's just when it gets to be an unhealthy need of "I can't be me without you, or I need you so I can do this or that or be that way". Yes it's great to do things with others but to always not do or be a certain way as the other person isn't there I think there an unhealthiness to it. We humans are funny creatures, analyzing everything instead of just being. Our minds-do you think birds think of all these things, nope, they are too busy being.

So I'm here at my old favorite restaurants, staying in my favorite ashram on the river, taking yoga, and relaxing, reading and writing before getting ready to leave India in a few short weeks-scares the crap out of me as I love this place. This is the hardest place for me to leave. I know I've lived here in many past lives and as hard as it is sometimes I get it.

Ok loves, I am off. I'd love to hear from you. I've love to hear your definition of friendship and what you think your greatest quality is as a friend and what you value in a friend? I send you great big hugs and so much love. Remember joy comes from within, so in each moment we are joyful, we just need to look inside within us to bring it out and share it with the world. Much love to you, Heather

The Beingness of Life in Pushkar!!!

Hello there my lovely Ones,
How are you? Well I finally left Pune. Yes, it took a bit, my supposed 1-2 weeks lasted 4 weeks and I still feel the calling to go back, so I'll see.
Right now I have moved up to Pushkar, WOW, WOW, WOW! I loved this place 7 years ago, where I spent my 30th birthday with Renee and now it's still amazing. A little hectic in comparison but honestly calmer than most places and the perfect place to be in my beingness and DO NOTHING! The world of nothingness is calling me and it's brilliant.

But let me start by telling you a bit about my journey here. Firstly I told you that my whole train got canceled the week before when I gave up and said "if I am to leave please let me leave, but if not I let go and let You take care of it" and sure enough I didn't go the earlier Friday. Talk about the power of the mind, canceling a train of thousands of people on it, pretty powerful, we must have all not wanted to go with the collective consciousness.

So the last few days in Pune were the best. I performed belly dancing with a two women and this man that came on and just was great chasing us around the stage and playing around with us. Then once all was over everyone got on stage and we all danced together-that was the best part, everyone laughing, dancing, and just being with each other. That was my good bye night of Osho's as the next day I felt complete, no urge to go back there. That was great as last time it wasn't so easy dragging me away from there.

I met this gorgeous couple that made my last few days in Pune just perfect. Besides really getting to take in Pune, walk around seeing life there, being in nature and just having a chai, reading and writing, being with them was amazing. My last day was the best as it felt like I was giving back to the Universe through them as I have been given so much on this trip and now I got to give part of what I know through Tantra and intuition. It was beautiful.

The day started with a walk on my own and then going to their sweet 2 bedroom home and we all fixed breakfast together and ate the most amazing porridge I've had, we all chipped in with fruit and nuts. We all ate, had the most incredible conversations and then I put on music and we danced. It started out a little odd, as dancing brings up so much for so many and we were adjusting to each others energies. And them being a bi cultural couple it changes things as well (she's Indian and he's from Australia). Well we danced, it turned into breathing in rhythem, then it turned almost cathartic, it went to childs play and then very animalistic and into petting and massage and laying onto the floor of groundedness bellies to the floor feeling mother nature taking us in.

We finally got up and got on the subject of relationship stuff, issues and I just started working with them, it was as if it was meant to be and so gorgeous. We talked, I showed them some exercises and man oh man it was just powerful to watch them go through their stuff. How empressive, present and courageous they were/are.

They ended up inviting me to stay in their spare room and so we talked to all hours of the morning, it was so amazing and so much chai that was the best chai with mint in it, I couldn't sleep. So after 3 hours of sleep and feeling at peace with my decision to leave though it would have been nice to be with them longer, they got me a rickshaw, fixed me my porridge, took care of me up until the end of waving good bye.

I got to Bombay and luckily I had little angels again, as I was told I wasn't supposed to change train stations but these Indian angels looked at my ticket and not only told me but bought my inner city train ticket, made sure I got to the right track and a little old woman made sure I got off at the right stop! Talk about easy.

The wait in the train station was an eye opener. People were as usual sleeping on the ground but was blew me away and I felt completely helpless with was seeing this Indian woman tie the hands and feet together,of her sweet daughter with no underwear on but a little dress on and then tossing her the other direction with no regard to the girls feelings, as if she didn't want to see her face. The little girl struggled to get free, didn't cry but just lay there struggling. Mean while I was stuck in my tracks, "do I go over and untie her?" I just seen a verbal almost physical fight between Indian women and they are strong women, I had no interest in being in the middle. I'm standing there holding my breath, right out there in the open, no embarassment from the mother, as if was normal to treat your child like this. I mean in the US if we'd do this we'd do it in secret on in the open-sad to say either way. But finally her father walked over and untied her. I couldn't move, I was so grateful for the father but still dumb founded by this. I finally walked on, my heart ached.

Then I saw a woman on the train tracks, no shame, just pooped away. I really get how lucky we are in the west. I mean, how many times do we see these things, experience these things. We don't have a caste system that condemns us from doing what we want in life. If we want to be a lawyer, we do it, but these people, they don't even fight to go further if toilet washing is their caste-which is the lowest of castes and that is why none of the toilets get cleaned as they aren't hired to clean the toilets. The westerners have to come in and clean them if we want them clean and if they are clean-which I've not seen who knows who has cleaned them.

So now I'm in Pushkar and learning the art of Beingness. Really just being, I wanted to leave the second and third day as I had nothing to "Do" and though I've craved this non doing and beingness as soon as I got it I wanted to leave. Be careful what you ask for. But it's been beautiful to get up and have no yoga class, no meditation, no anything I have to do. I get up and hear my little Indian friends words that said "come from your heart, not your mind" and I ask, what does my heart want right now? I want porridge or yoga, or a walk, or to be with friends and let me tell you, my heart has slowed down. I spent the whole day yesterday doing nothing, except being with friends, writing and reading and it was so amazing. I may just stay here for the rest of my trip in India, but it depends on what my heart wants.

I'm learning so much on how I want to run from my mind, as much meditation and vipassana as I have done it's still knocking saying, "hello, run, run, don't hear me, feel me, just think and run". Well I don't know when I'll leave, I have no where to go, nothing to do. I have some great women around me, first Americans I've seen and hung out with I think in India.

I was watching some pigeons this morning and I got a huge lesson from them. This male pigeon kept hopping from telephone line to telephone line chasing this female pigeon, she finally flew off. It looked as if he thought to go after her but didn't, he paused and then he jumped to the other line to get close to another pigeon and she moved over. He finally stopped and flew off. I got it so much in that, the more we chase, look, hunt for something, grasp for something we want outside of ourselves "please fulfill me, please give me what I feel I can't give myself" we are left alone and we can either keep doing this or stop it. We humans so many times want someone else to fulfill us, I'm guilty of this, but to see it in animals (now who knows what they were thinking but this is just my human projection as I am as I'd say in my language anthropromorphorizing-I know that is not the real word but it's mine!!!)that was incredible. We don't need anything outside of ourselves.

But then I feel connection with other humans is a need, so how to balance that we'll see. I mean we can survive without it but it's not too much fun. But we always go through life, if I had this job or that person, or that friendship or that car.....I'd be happy? Are we happy then or do we just want for something more? Osho says there are 3 stages of joy and happiness is the lowest form of joy as it is momentary, it doesn't last, joy is a level up but Bliss is the ultimate as it has consciousness, it's connected to source, our higher being. It's ever present. To get to Bliss we need consciousness, love, trust,self-forgiveness and self acceptance. These are key things to real bliss, I also think a good since of humuour is a good thing as well. I wrote a huge amount on this in my diary, maybe I'll write it out sometime for you if you want to hear it. It was pretty amazing.

We as humans really need to just start taking responsibility for our lives, our relationships, stop the blaming and just accepting ourselves and then the acceptance of others come. And in this communication is huge. So many of us were raised to say things like "you made me feel this way" or "he made me do it" but really who makes us feel or do anything. We feel a certain way, that's it, it our feelings so we own them. Then we can say "I felt this way when this happened" or even better if there is confusion "What did you mean by this? As I took it this way" and then we can open for a discussion instead of walking around blaming others for everything.

Anyway, I could go on for hours on that. I haven't embodied all of this but man oh man it's nice to be aware of these things more and more. The nothingness of just being, watching my mind is a full time job here. Really feeling my heart and asking what it wants, that's powerful. What does your heart want? Yesterday I wanted to be with friends for most of the day and got some alone time, so I did. Letting go that I have to entertain others if they are around me, as that is not my job. My job is to take care of me. My little Indian friend Manoj wanted to go hang out with me, he's the one that told to listen to my heart and not my head, I said, "my heart wants to go home and read so I'll see you later". Funny enough he wanted to go with me and by the time he got down the stares I had laughingly galloped off down the street! Boundries, getting better! Yes!

So everyday I go down to the lake, as Pushkar sits around this holy lake that the people go down too every day and for a culture that is all about covering up the pink parts (as I call them) the women take off their tops and bathe and then put their tops back on, the men go down to their underwear wash themselves and then get dressed and though nothing is cleaner a the water and the huge fish that come up and try to eat everything are living there-they aren't any holier then anything either. But the people feel their Karma has been washed away and they are cleaner for bathing there. India a world of contradictions of COVER UP/GO NAKED AT THE GHATS.

So I sit meditating or taking in the lake everyday and just be there. It's so peaceful. Well peaceful but man oh man the sexual energy either in this town or in me is going crazy. I know others are feeling it as the Indians keep coming around me even more-no thank you. Plenty of friends have told me stories of their rendevous with Indian men, not for me! I think this place just relaxes you enough to let all the hormones just turn on, pretty wild!!!! Other than walking around in the constant state of arousal it's quite a relaxing and soothing atmosphere.

I'm looking for a cooking class as when I get back I want to cook some great Indian food for everyone.

The thing I love most of Rajastan (the state here) is the colors, all bright colors, vivid and sometimes flourescent. It's amazingly powerful to see the brown streets, the green desert and then the bright reds, orange, yellow, greens and purples floating down the street with shear material blowing in the breeze behind them. They all cover their hair here, it's been told to me it's the most repressed state in India as the women, if married, still have to cover their hair and sometimes face. The hair being a very sensual part of the body and needing to be covered not to draw attention to it. But it's so gorgeous, though it's sad for the reasons behind it.

So I'm happy, I'm relaxed, I'm enjoying just being, eating great Indian food and sitting, doing healing work on myself, thinking about doing a cleanse, and fresh fruit juice every where. It's hot so you only want to eat one or two meals a day. I ate at 3:30pm the first time yesterday and started getting hungry again at 9:30pm as it started to cool off, yet I hate eating that late. But a samosa or two won't kill me, besides I hung out with friends until 12:30am. It's just so nice to be around these woman, lots of fun, laughter and just so relaxed!

Ok, there is so much more I can tell but I'll leave you with this and these photos's finally.

I love you, trust your gut, listen to your heart, make time for what's important and remember to smile and laugh more. I send you love, Heather

Dancing at the Whole Being Weekend!

Hello there,
Here are two photos, one is from the poster at the Whole being weekend and the other one is the original, I love this photo. It shows me doing what I love to do most, singing and dancing. I hope to do more of this real soon.
I will write more soon, for now I wanted to share these with you. Much love and joy to you, keep your heart open and your joy over flowing. Love and hugs,Heather

Nature has it's lessons!

Hello there,
How are you? How is your life? Your heart? Your friends? Your love? Are you living life and letting life live you? Well there are days I am living life and there are days that it's living me, both have had their experiences.
I'm still in Pune, even though I was to leave, with train ticket in my hand on Friday but I must have manifested something great. Friday morning I woke up and asked myself "do I want to leave" with no "reasons" given to stay, just what is the answer, yes or no, not, if I stay I could do this or that, just Yes or No.

Wow, how lovely to look at it as a want and not look at a result of why I should do something. While living in LA I got so result oriented and here I'm learning from Osho that doing something from the heart,the passion, with no reason, no result in mind is what brings us to bliss state. So I knew that I wasn't quite ready to leave Pune but wasn't willing to go through and cancel my ticket, so I said "I leave it to you Universe and I let go". Well long story short, I got a phone call from my travel agent telling me my TRAIN has been canceled. Talk about manifestation! I wasn't sad at all. So now I'm here.

Part of the reason I wanted to stay was I was invited to perform tonight in a variety show as a belly dancer. So that is what I am doing. Osho says "if you were born to be a dancer and you decide to be a book keeper instead and wonder why you aren't a dancer. It's because the dancing jobs and gigs are being sent to your dancing address, and you are not there. You are a book keeper and not at the dancing address so it can't get to you". Well this hit home since all my life I have known to my core I'm a dancer, singer, and that I've always wanted to act and write as well and love nature. So I opened myself up to dance and here it came. Twice in a week I was offered to dance on stage. I would love to send photos or video it but it's not allowed in the resort. So can't do that. I'm learning a ton, it would take me a long time to tell you all of it.

So I'll go on to nature, this is one of many that I have written about and in nature these past weeks being here where it's lush and green, rivers flowing and birds chirping:
Watching a tree as it dances in the wind above my head. the branches moving, bending, flowing. The leaves shimmering, moving with the current of air rustling through them, just being. Trees all always in movement, maybe even very still movement but movement is still there-like humans sleeping-we still breathe which causes movement. What's fascinating about trees are they are always letting go. Something is dead on it or from it and it just let's it go.

I lay there underneith it's branches and it drops all kinds of presents on me from it, just letting go. We humans have things die and we hang on to them, we begrudge them, drag it around, dig them up later and think about them. We don't go with the flow of now but live in the past. When will we let go? Cut the past, let it die and let it lie? Nature shows us so much. No thought, no accumulating, no money. Just dancing and the birds come and sing in them. The trees sing having their own song to sing if you listen closely.

Beautiful, full of air, leaves whisping around. Nature is happy, peaceful, in bliss state. As Osho says "Nature is happy, not that they have a choice in it, but us humans do" so what are we going to choose today, tomorrow, and for our life? Breathe in and let it go!

I can't tell you what I've been through in the past weeks of being here. It's been so beautiful to connect with nature, myself, gorgeous, open hearted people on their path. Meeting two glorious Brazilian girls to laugh, touch, share and play with has been lovely, they are two of my neighbors and my other neighbor from Jordan he has the most beautiful heart. He finished his thesis on deaf and dumb people. He is writing a book on how to teach them from his computer program he's made. How wonderful! He is a great inspiration for me! And it's wonderful giving him inspiration for newness in his life, family, etc-as he has two gorgeous twins at home!

Another thing I wrote since I've been here:

When was the last time you danced in the rain? I mean really danced in the rain, TOTALLY!
To play, dance, splash, be a child, be a child adult! Get wet and wild. Get your hair wet, your clothes wet, maybe even a little dirty or a lot dirty! Not to think of getting ill or cold, just being in the rain. Seeing it feeling it, smelling it, tasting it. Seeing each rain drop fall until one lands right in your eye! How lovely! It's as if the Universe is asking you "Are you watching"? Splash, right in the eye! "yes you are watching, good, great! you see me, feel me and I love you. I bathe you and we are one. We dance and sing together. Thank you for seeing and feeling me. I feel you too".
When do we stop and feel the rain, really feel it and love it, dance and be EN-JOY with it! EN-JOY!

Another one:
Watching a Butterfly in it's Eratic flight
It's like a human. it's always buzzing around all over the place, doing, doing, doing. Going here, not there, not here but there, never stopping more then moments at a time. It eats gets nourishment and flits off. Who knows if they actually stop to even release what they've eaten. Even though they are gorgeous in fight, so stunning and captivating to watch, they are never still for very long. Isn't that like us? Creatures of the doing, letting go of the being. Yt for us it's about money, career, fame, etc. For them it's about survival. We think we ned these things to live but what do we need? We need love, good friends, fresh air, nutritious food and laughter to have a beautiful life. But even a few of those things we can excits without. But it makes life more full to have. What do you need today, to live, to exist? What do you need to be BLISSFUL?

This is one of my first ones I wrote here in the pond outside of the auditorium:

I watch the rain drops on the water outside Osho's Auditorium and how they ripple like sound waves, so quickly. They just hit the water and before you know it the ripples are their and gone before you can hang on ore really see or feel them. They are so quick, like life. If you don't see it or feel it, be aware of it, slow down to be with it, it's gone.
Just like a falling leaf. If you don't pause you don't see it's dance floating down to the water or the ground. or how it lands. there is so much we miss by doing. We do so much-for what?-money, things, power, society, family-why the doing, when do we let go of it. Even in retirement when you ask a retired person how they are they reply busy and they haven't a clue how they worked and did what they do now.
So when do we stop, pause, look, listen, enjoy and celebrate this moment? When....Not tomorrrow as it's not here and this moment is gone. Our children grow up so fast, we don't say, I wish I would have worked more, we say I wish we were there more for them, to see them grow, laugh, walk, talk, play and learn from them-as they are truly our teachers, in the moment, full of life, laughter and love.
So when, when do we pause? when we have to-death or when the doctors say lay down or/and die?
There is so much to see and feel why do we continually do do do? This is the question I ask myself I unwind from still the doing of life.


Ok, well I could write so much more. But this is part of what I've learned, grown through and going through and I wanted to share my writings with you.
I send you love. I hug you. What do you want to do with this day of your life?
Love, Heather

Mysore to Pune-WOW! What a Journey!!!!!

Hello there,
Yes, I know it's been a while. I guess life has just taken me away. But you are never far from my thoughts. So I guess the last time I wrote was when I left Kerala. So let me back up to Mysore. Mysore was this great city that had an amazing Palace that they lit up with thousands of lights on Sunday nights.It was magical, breath taking, stunning and like a fairy tale castle at night. By day, well let me just say this, taking a walk around this place, I thought "Oh this will take an hour" well the glass ceilings, edges of the walls and ceiling that were painted with angels, birds, peacocks and designs just left me thrilled and after 3 hours of stairing upward toward the painted ceilings and the colored glass I was blown away and pooped! My chiropractor is going to love me-literally, as he tells me looking up is a good thing for the neck as we spend so much time looking down it screws up the spine.

But anyway, I met Christine, which I think I told you about and she made sure I did some touristy things, like going to ruins, temples, etc. Not my thing really but honestly after taking over 300 photos of all the tiny intricate details of these relics of shiva, shakti, and many other Gods and Goddesses, I was done with being a "tourist". We ran around a few cities, missed our last bus out and had to go to another city to get another bus to the city we needed,which is the same city we forgot to get off at early that day-I suggested we jump off the train as it had just started moving but she wasn't all that keen on it and if you knew how heavy my bag was you may not have jumped either-I'll be sending some of those 14 books and new clothes home soon!

But we got to the city we needed, had an incredible dinner for something like a dollar or two and then sat at the train station-almost took a "retiring room" which is a room with a bed in it. But instead I took my comfy yoga mat, threw it down on a bench, put my head in Christine's lap and rested. There was no sleep with all the loud speaker things being screached across the train station. So our train got in only a half hour late at something like 2:30am and we were off to Hampi.

Hampi, OH, Hampi. A town I LOVE. Did I say LOVE, yes LOVE. I felt at home there, I felt at peace there. It was lovely, no traffic, no horns,no cars to dodge. Just venders trying to sell you things but other than that peace, beauty and fresh air.

Sitting next to the river in the morning after my yoga practice I'd watch the locals come and bath in their shorts for men and full on saris for women. Then they'd do laundry by smacking the clothes against rocks and concrete of the steps. Then once a sari was washed they'd go and lift it up to dry some in the wind,just blowning in their arms. Then they'd lay it down on the concrete railings to dry in the sun. So colors were every where!

The little kids would run around naked brushing their teeth with their grand father trying to get them to bathe in the river. They'd finally get there. It was stunning.

Then there were the huge banana fields amongst all the brown desert with green bushes growing amongst all the dryness! There were a ton of ruins there, I spent a whole day by foot exploring and it was just glorious to be out on foot for the whole day, with the sky threatening to rain. But just before it was to rain a rickshaw driver with already 3 people in it stopped and did the most incredible thing. He told me to get in, he was going to Hampi. I asked "for free" he told me to get in, knowing I was going to get drenched and didn't charge me a thing. I was grateful! The kindness of these people at the perfect time just opens me, reminds me to trust and to really just be and I am fully taken care of in so many ways. How have you been taken care of this week? It's nice to look at and appreciate those moments. I've had many on this trip and I lay in gratitude for these people!

So I went shopping for gorgeous clothes in Hampi, first time I felt like shopping. I think it's because it had the Rajastan feel and they have the most incredible clothes there! So it was nice.

I left there as I wanted to see Christine one more time before she left Pune and this is where I have spent my time the past days. But first I have to tell you about the woman I met on the train. Her name is Chandra, from India and she shared some lovely stories of Yoga with me, she shared food with me and she shared about her family. She gave suggestions on where to study yoga and she was my "mother" while I was on that train, making sure I was safe and sound. She knew I had to get off the train at 2am and she made sure she was awake to make sure I got off the train and that she kept her eye on me until I was off the train. I felt her heart, she was beautiful and I was such in gratitude to meet her and share such special hours with her.

I got to Pune a week and a half ago to see Christine, I stayed at a friends house here in Pune and met up with Christine. We walked around what used to be a sweet,fairly quiet Koregeon Park where Osho's now Resort is. Well nothing quiet outside the gates of Osho's,it's crazy with cars and people now. I thought to not go in but would think about it.

Well I got sick again with a fever. Thankfully Christine's friends who are all part of an organization to take in homeless women and to give them shelter and train them in something where they can work and be empowered as self suffient women. Luckily they were there. Long story short I was in the so called "hospital", with 6 beds on a drip for my dysentary and they finally were able to tell me what I had-it's the same thing as last month. Some bacteria got in my blood and they call it a blood infection. Well what ever it was it's dead now. As much as I told them "no anti biotics" wellI got them anyway,they snuck them in when I slept, when I'd go to the toilet they'd put them in my drip. I'd tell them to change my drip bag but they'd still do it later. Well after two days I was all well, walked out with the bill of $36.00 for 2 days in the hospital! It was a fun experience and I'm grateful that bug is killed now!

I'm now at Osho's, yes I changed my mind and happy I did. Though my first day was intense starting at 5:30am and going to Dynamic Meditation at 6am, having a full on day of meditation, walking around, eating and meeting a new friend or two along the way and a few old ones! Did the Aum meditation that night and went to bed finally at 4am. Yes I was up a long time. a very long time. And if you don't know much about Osho's work, most all his meditations are active, sweaty and aerobic and full of dance. Well for someone who hasn't danced since Sivanda and never for hours out of a day you can say I was pooped! So I took my maroon robe off, washed it, hung it up to dry and rested the whole next day! Shew!!!!!

Now I'm used to the program. My lungs have been stretched, my heart has been worked, my calves are getting used to all the jumping around in the meditations and so I'm getting in shape as well as I can now hold my arms up for the full 10 minutes of the Who, who, who in Dynamic meditation! Very exciting! I think that first day I dripped out about 4 liters of water including the Aum meditation. It was intense and cathartic and grilling but very much worth it!

Being here I miss my lil' sis, Renee,who was here with me the last time. She and I traveled 3 months together in India and we shared a space for that whole time and now at Osho's the memories flood me-I miss you Renee. Now she's in San Francisco with husband and baby,taking care of life! And then there are a whole mess of other people I reflect on here that I made such deep connections with and just smile in gratitude. You know who you are, I miss you too!

So I'm enjoying my time here, yet it's not the same, not as warm hearted, not as connected. It's low season so very few people and the energy of the people is less connected but the meditative energy of the resort is still beautiful, fulfilling and grounding. I'm happy about that. I feel my mind focusing, finding and feeling stillness. It's having me crave Vipassana again- as they do a one hour vipassana each day! Nice memories. So I'll be here a few more days, but since there is a missing link some where in this space I feel I'll be leaving soon,possibly see my friends at the center- the friends that fed me at the hospital,made sure I didn't leave their place until I was fully well and made sure I was comfortable and fed.

These women took me out to their villages-I don't have the website now but I'll get it to you, they do fabulous work for these women in these villages. They have 3 or 4 villages, some for children, some for older people, some for not mentally functional and they take care of them all. These people were all so full of love, so giving, so generous and all heart. I got to see even deeper the true India here with these lovely people. No one wanted anything from me,just to say hello, offer food and show us their creativities and work. It was really mind blowing and heart opening to be with and near them. The real India behind the tourist areas.

So I can go on and on, but honestly I'm sure this is enough. I'm sure there is so much I've forgotten to tell you. But how can I put them in words and I don't have the 36 hours to sit here and write to you all that I have to share.

Know that I miss you,I love you and wish you a peaceful heart, loving friends and family all around you and plenty of laughter (I did a laughing meditation-wow, intense, hard at first but after a while it came out. So incredible! One hour of laughing, or a little less actually).

I'd so love to hear from you. Remember what Osho's says, which I'm trying to implement- speak from your heart. I love that line!
Much love and many hugs to you, Heather

Do you have buttons to be pushed? India will push them!!!

Do you have buttons to be pushed? India will push them!!!
Hello there,
Where to start that is the question with this entry. So much has happened, so much has been seen, tasted, heard, felt, done and smelt! I guess I'll start with I left Varkala as well as Kerala. I didn't realize how ready I was to leave until I did. I did love my stay there being near the ocean always makes me so happy. And my last few days there were great! I met this beautiful couple from China and we had meals together and went for a long walk as I wanted to show them the only sand beach in the area and I wanted to check out Showcut's Guesthouse that my friend Suzanne recommended to me.

Well we had a great taste of India on this adventure as we met this Indian family that took us into their home, up tiny streets to find their home with the sounds of the Muslim temples sounding their calls from here and there! We get to their home to a dirt floor, plain beds with a simple mattress on them, we sat on matts on the floor as when one of my friends sat in the only chair it broke!!! That's India! They probably only use it for guest actually. Well they insisted on feeding us traditional Indian food from their kitchen-spicy but beautiful! They were oh so generous with the food, then the chai, the water, the tea. We were well watered down and full!

After much talk about how the families daughter could go to school in Finland, where my friends live, as they have connections all was set and then them trying to see if I could get her into school or a job in the US and then to leave after a few hours.

We walked the walk to the beach which was stunning. We looked for the Showcut's with no luck, but I know we got close. But it was gorgeous with the white sand, the fisherman and clear skies with the sun going down. We found some fisherman with a few fish and one was huge, one was medium size and both fish cost us fresh, still alive on the beach in a whole in the sand, 60rs- $1.50 for both!!!! We walked home and got there just as it got dark and Illy, the wife fixed a fabulous and yummy dinner of fish and veggies, Chinese fish soup with a Indian flare of taste, with rice! That was a great way to say good bye to Varkala.

The train trip up was 17 1/2 hours long and proved again to me how hospitable Indians are. They made sure I was included in the talk, made sure my order was in when I got hungry and so I got food on the train. Finally at night when I was tired and I was on the bottom bunk the middle person above me put up his bed and went to bed! On top of all this I met this beautiful angel-all my Indian angels in this country are remarkable, his name Sundeep. He took me to the ticket office and found that the train wasn't for 7 hours to Mysore and so he walked me out and he found my bus for me and not only walked me to it but then he waited outside my window, full attention on me and when I turned after I was settled I saw these bright eyes waiting to make sure I was ok and he waved with a brilliant very white teeth smile. What an angel.

The three hour bus ride was like a roller coaster ride of things to see-so much to see in one view. After leaving the train journey where I saw women walking her 2 cows on the railroad-beef tonight if a train came, and the cows on the road, as we passed all the green lush coconut lands of Kerala. On to Karnatika, where it's less green but still beautiful. So my bus ride was wild in the way that I saw the raw, real India again for the first time since Calcutta, but this time there are cows in the streets, boys having a rope on a cow walking it, a telephone in the middle of no where, except a hut next to it, the phone balanced on a wooden pole with an umbrella above it to shield the sun if someone wanted to use the yellow device! Where is my camera when I need it!

Then we passed the boy on the bike with colorful buckets, bowls, balls, all kinds of plastic objects strapped onto his bike about 3 feet wide and high riding down the street, another one on a motorbike. Then there was the woman with a green bale of hay so high on her head and wide you couldn't see her face, walking down the freeway. Then there are these huge animals, I haven't found out what they are yet, maybe white water buffalo, that have horns and they have a carrage full of things with a man on board and a wooden slat behind their heads to keep their heads up as they bobble in awkward rythems down the street pulling this cart. It looked so unnatural as their heads normally lean forward and their gate was too quick for them and so their heads looked strange as their heads were all over the place.

So I get into Mysore, jump off the bus that is way to high off the ground for me and my bag. It's the only place I got into that only one Richshaw person asked me for a ride. I walked to my hotel, where only locals stay with a dingy restaurant and bar. Got my room with my own bath. Ok, get this, it's call the Green's Hotel. My walls are green, I have two twin beds with canapies with nothing on them, I have a bathroom that probably hasn't been cleaned in a while. It has windows to the hallway as well as one at the ceiling light to come in when the electricy goes out, which it does often here. My sheets were used from the last person that was here, my blanket probably hasn't been washed since it was bought. But it is home to me!!!! I love my little dingy room with a desk with attached mirror! Yes, it's mine and for 90rs ($2.12) who can complain! Cheapest place in town!

Ok, so I leave my place and within a 1/2 hour I get 2 phone numbers from people who want to "be friends" and show me around and tell me about a oil and incense festival going on only today! Within a day I had 4 phone numbers. Oh and 4 people asked me in the first half hour if I was here for yoga and then I remembered this is Ashtanga Yoga town.

I finally ate and came out to walk and this same boy found me and walked me to this so called festival. Well this festival is a private bottom floor of a house where this Ayurvedic "doctor" has incense made by 5 women and he tries to sell the essential oils for US prices as it is pure. This is the thing for Mysore, incense and oils and silks.

Well everyone here has a factory to show you, wants to be friends and show you around, "no money, just friends". The bustling of the streets is wild. I haven't walked around a city in over 2 months. Now I have to dodge not only rickshaws, people, and cars, but now cows with great big horns and huge utters full of milk. Hummm.....do females have horns in the US? Probably! Still more healthy dogs here with utters as well from their pups! I never remember dogs having such long, saggy boobies!!! ; )

Oh, I forgot I was considering staying in Varkala as my landlord wanted me to do hair and teach yoga there. He knew of a two bedroom/2 bathroom apartment with a full sundeck for only $375.00 A YEAR!!!! Yep you heard me right. But I left.

I saw a sign the other day that said "Muslim Burial Ground under construction", no thank you, don't want to be there! Another sign in my favorite restaurant so far that says "you can smoke as long as you don't exhale"-Love it!!! Then I took a bus to Chumundi Hill and saw lots of signs saying "you are entering a no plastic zone", well with India there is no such thing as no plastic. Everything is either plastic or they cook everything in Aluminum-not good! Both of health effects. But when told about it they say that steele is worse-not sure where they got that.

For my breakfast I go 2 doors down to the Veg-Kourt for a buffet of my first cornflakes in years, fresh cut papaya, Uppa-and Indian dish that is spelled and said a million different ways- it's semolina with veggies-my favorite breakfast here, with Chai, all for 45rs (40rs=$1.00). Then for lunch I go to my favorite place to eat that serves the northern Indian version of a Thali, here called "meals". This is a huge chapti (indian tortilla), a large bowl of rice, 2 veggies, two liquid veggy dishes, butter milk in a little bowl and curd-top that off with a sweet lassi (a sweet yogurt drink!) all for the price of meal 17rs and lassi 12rs or 10rs depending on what day you are there, it's lunch, it's delicious and it's all you can eat! But I don't need all you can eat as it's plenty as is!

Oh, on the trains here and buses, it's really hard for me to deal with, with a country so big, populated and traveled they throw plastics, paper, everything out the windows. It's so sad. When asked about it they say, and this is so true, that there are no bins on the trains, I couldn't find one so they don't have options of a trash can or recycling yet. I hope soon though. Some say that garbage is the least of their problems, but one day they'll need to do something about it. I hope!

I saw a woman reach down dip her bowl into the gutter water on the street of Bangalore and wash her face from it, well that's one way to wash your face, but is it more clean before or afterward! ; )

I love this country for it's differences but then it pushes my buttons as well, like many other people that come here. Being a white or western person here we are constantly questioned and it's the same questions "what is your good name? Where are you from? Do you like Mysore or where ever? How long you here? Where you going?" etc. There are more but those are just the most common. They are always trying to get something from us. I can't understand or put myself in their shoes walking up to someone, if I was wearing nice clothes and clean, and say "give me money or pen please, coins please". I wish I could understand it but it's such a different culture from the US.

How can I put myself in their shoes with my mind and see that it is ok to ask for something from someone just because they have a different skin color-this is my dilemna. I can understand being hungry and needing food, but most of these people have food, a bed at night, a family that loves them and clean nice clothes. But my lesson is love and patience in all of this and to stay open. As when I close it only gets worse.

In Bangalore I saw people riding one humped camels in the streets! I've only seen this in Rajastan last time.

I have to say I'm more at ease with the dirt and grime of the real India here in Mysore then the beautiful, sort of poshness of Kerala. It's like some part of me loves the realness, everything hanging out dirt of the third world, though it pushes my buttons with the sharp loud shreaks of the horns on the cars, the screaming in the streets, the non stop harassment, the women being closed off to everyone and a look of sadness in their face, the non stop dodging someone or something as they won't get out of your way. This if funny, in a country with so many people you'd think they would know how to walk around each other-this cracks me up, but they walk right toward you and they do it to other Indians too, not just westerners. It's as if they are unaware that they are going to run into you or maybe they think you'll move. But it really challenges me some days and somedays I just laugh. Always an adventure! ; )

Did I tell you the wetness of Kerala? I hung my bag up and while I was in Varkala it grew about a 1/2 inch thick mold through it's suede from the outside to the inside, this was the wetness of that state. Right now here and now, is the first time my skin has been dry since January 25th, the day I left. I haven't been dry since then until now. It actually gets cool out, I need a long sleeved top, I need a blanket at night and I can wear my khakis without sweating to death in them! I love the elevation and dryness of the almost desert!

I hiked up the Chumundi Hill- it's a 1000 steps up and a 1000 steps back down. Yes some great aerobic exercise!!!! Loved it. Yet I stopped and talked to many Indians and a few westerners (most I've seen since Sivananda) along the way, played with the Indian babies with their black smudges on their foreheads -this is to make their baby ugly so no one comes and takes their babies, but the beauty of them shines through anyway. They don't have any clue how to deal with a white person so I just tickle them and make them laugh and then they almost forget I'm white as for their belly laughter!

Oh I walked through their market with a color show of powdered brightly colored paints for skin, piled up in high in bowls-reds, yellows, oranges, greens, all for dying or painting. Then you follow a woman to a stall and she has the flowers Jasmine in her hair as most Indian women do, then the scent of Lotus coming from my skin from the oil seller down the way, then comes the most lovely scent that I haven't smelled in 7 months of cilantro from the veggie market. The bright colors of carrots, greens, avocados, then the cut open pomogranites that are face up to be shown to sell. Gorgeous! So many scents and colors to feast your eyes on it's the most brilliant place to be for the senses!

On the train up here and in other places Indians ask how I can travel alone, they'd be scared, aren't I scared? I didn't realize it but Indians don't do anything alone and people don't travel alone unless they have to for business. Even if on a business trip they'll take a friend with them. So am I scared, at times, it's the unknown, but for the most part I just take in the view and everyday is a lesson in trusting and everyday I am shown that I can. Even if it's just a little bit.

Like this morning,I go the lesson I'm being taken care of. I need to have a hot bucket shower twice a week for my Siddha oil bath and so I asked for hot water (not normal for here to have hot water for bathing), they boil my water and before I can get it they have come with it to my door. They make sure I am carrying the bucket correctly not to burn myself or spill it on myself and then I go in and feel this overwhelming feeling of being taken care of and trust in the Universe.

So strange to have days where I want to go home or I want to just go off to Australia and then I have something like the hot water happen and I am just pleased as pie! I grin, I feel great, I am in love with life and happy to be here and alive.

Today I was invited to the next village over where the yoga is to have lunch with some girls from Canada and the US, it was great to have the company of Westerners, have a salad, YES! and for the first time since I was probably 10 a grilled cheese sandwich in their very westernized apartment they sublet for 5000rs a month, but goes for 10,000rs normally-tv, couch, kitchen, hot water and everything is there.

I have met a lovely Austrian woman as well that we had dinner together last night and now we are going to dinner again, it's nice to have company for some meals. Today has been great, I had the best meditation I've had in months, so focused and clear. I had great company, I found an Ayurvedic Hospital that I want to check out and now I'm off to dinner.

Life is good, even with all my buttons being pushed, it's really beautiful. But if we don't have our buttons pushed we don't know they are there and how do we learn and grow. So look and listen for those buttons as they are our guidelines to where we need to grow. My patience and love is growing each day, my mind is calming (I think the Siddha medicine is working-something in having to care for yourself with oil twice a week and medication 3 times a day does something to the self caring) and so life is looking so beautiful.

I got a huge awakening yesterday that I want to find a new yoga community and go deeper into yoga and the practice and the living of yoga. I'm so excited by this, ever so thrilled. I feel this is a beautiful way to heal and grow and expand the mind and let go of the chatter. So I am researching yoga all over India, it's exciting yet so far everything starts in September and October, I'm sure it will work itself out!

Live your dreams, let your heart fly, speak your passions and dream your dreams that you dare to have come true and they will! I send you love, light, hugs and smiles. Many blessings and sweet dreams, Love, Heather

Hospitals, Yoga and Challenges!!!! ; )

Dearest Ones,

Wow, wow, wow, the ups and downs of India! Everyday there are challenges and beauty. I see the beauty in the Indian faces I pass by more and more. I am staying in Varkala right now it's been over 2 weeks now. It's been a crazy time. I showed up with two glorious gals from Sivananda Ashram. The connection was gorgeous! I taught a few yoga classes while they were here and then I've taught a few others to some locals-my landlords, which was great they were open to it!

The coconut trees, the ocean and air just lulls me to sleep at night and swings me into restful state in my hammock by day. One of my landlords wants me to stay here, teach yoga, do hair cuts and teach dance to the tourists, as high season starts in a month here. It is very tempting, I could actually make quite the salary here but I'm not sure, so I'll live in the moment and see what happens. It's great to have options!

So since I've been in Varkala I've been to a few hospitals some are Ayurveda and Siddha healing centers and some are medical hospitals. Let me tell you if you ever need to get some treatment done, this is the place to do it, they are good and really cheap. I went in for a ultra sound for the fibroids and the whole thing with check up was $12.00 and they checked all my organs inside as well-liver, kidneys, spleen etc. So it was very thorough as well as they were so gentle, much more gentle then in the US-which for me was very traumatic to my body. I know what I am dealing with now, I am knowing my options, if I need surgery I know it's cheap- only $1000.00 but I really am looking for natural cures which I'm finding step by step!!!

I was so happy that a woman, Marie came with me with my landlord to the hospital for support, they were incredible waiting for me and just being there in the city of Trivandrum-the capital of Kerala. OH, something you may want to know, Kerala is the only place that has been voted in a communist state (I think in the world, not sure though), and it's the richest state in all of India. It is also half Christian here, a lot of Muslims and then Hindus. There are some fights between them, like some Hindus mades some commotion with some Muslims and got them thrown in jail and as they were in jail they went to their restaurant-which is all open air, not a 4 walled place, like most places here, and they threw all their things over the cliff into the ocean-television and all-pretty crazy, so now it's time for them to start redecorating again, now out of jail.

I went to a Siddha/Ayurveda hospital, they claim to be able to heal everything but 1st stage Diabetes and so I start the medicine tomorrow. I went 2 weeks ago and got the medicine but I got a fever for 3 evenings-crazy thing as I haven't had a fever in ages and I was hallucinating and thinking of things I hadn't thought of in years going in and out of consciousness. But luckily only a little cough is left. I am back to yoga and ready to start the Siddha medicine. I'm excited about all the options I'm finding-this world is truly fascinating, when you ask and open it brings a plentiful and variety of options. It's not always easy but it is truly wild what it brings and shows you. Especially with all the challenges of India on top of things.

I was just talking to my gorgeous freind Helene this morning about how people come to India and we are tested like crazy, from the dirty toilets, to the "the train will be here in 30 minutes" and it comes in 2 hours, to them saying maybe which means definately, to the head wobble from side to side (ear to ear) which means "maybe/yes", to the not being able to use a credit card as they can't get the phone line to work, to going to order a chai and since the cook is having breakfast you have to wait for them to finish first-you really get to see it's not all about "me" any more, it's about the whole, about people, about patience and being relaxed at all times, not being in a hurry or eating when they want you to eat at your hotel and not eating when you want to eat. The tests are here everyday but it's fun too.

Last night I went out with some girls for chai, one being my friend Helene from Australia (which I'll see once I am there!!! YES!), and it had been raining and I got up to go to the toilet. Let me say when it rains here it pours down so much the soil can't hold it so it causes huge puddles. The toilet it basically outside but with a door. I stepped into the toilet and walked up to the toilet and there was this deep puddle and I slipped and fell into this big puddle of water. At first it's like, "yikes, what am I laying in" as I get up, then it's they choice to get mad or laugh or both? So then I brushed myself off, went pee and laughed at it a moment later, thinking what a funny thing life, fall down, get back up and brush yourself off. Do we laugh or get mad? Sometimes I do both.

The Universe has been testing me lately. It's put me in this gorgeous place, with amazing healthy and loving dogs-that I've come an aunt to 4 pups lately, but then it puts me alone and then with people non stop, then all the 3 way friendships of how everyone interacts, one moment two talks, ones silent, 2 go off together, one is left alone, all the emotions that come up with it all. All the lack of communication when it would be so easy just to say/write "I'm going off to the beach see you later". I sometimes feel I come from a different planet. As I leave notes for people saying where I am and when I'm coming back-I guess my moms down home training is still in me, but others not being that way and being left dangling, it's a huge lesson, one of letting go of what I am used to.

Since when did we all become so independent, feeling like we don't need each other, feeling that we don't need to say something to another? I don't know, I sometimes feel like an alien, but it's ok, it just shows my differences, but I like that I'm this way. Talk about testing self acceptance, everyday there is another test in it. I know I've gotten quite independent at home and don't feel a need to explain where I am, but here I am starting to go back to my childhood, feeling it more powerfully and liking it as it seems much more human.

Here the Indians are always asking "where are you going? What are you doing? What's in the bag?" It comes across as nosy but at least they are interested, and sometimes it's irritating, but other times it feels so connected and human. So the tests go on. So some things to ponder, how are you in 3 way friendships-comfortable, uncomfortable, how do you respond to them? Where are you at with telling people where you will be? Does it feel like checking in with a parent or like freedom? How is your heart with change and difference with others? How are you challenged with the differences and the samenesses of others?

So here I am, healing, researching healing, growing, resisting, letting go, pushing, pulling, relaxing, straining and hopefully growing from all of it. Relaxing in the flow-hopefully anyway. Trying to let go of the future, the plans, the monkey mind that keeps chattering. But happy to feel how lucky I am to be here right now and feel grateful in life, even with all the challenges. How do you face challenges and the chattering inside?

I am learning to let all my sides come out lately. I'm not always comfortable with hanging out in 3 ways friendships, but lately I'm learning more and more to make people laugh and finding that the laughter really supports everyone. The two people I've been hanging out with here has commented on how everyone is so serious and how nice and refreshing it is to have me laughing and making them laugh-the feels so wonderful to know I can make them laugh. It is a balance to my serious side!!! ; ) Thank goodness!

Oh, I have to share a drink with you, take water, ginger and lemon and put them in a blender, mix them with some honey, strain it and drink it, it feels like pure energy and aliveness going down. I love this drink, it's not the same just squeezing it into a cup. It's so simple and yummy!

Another crazy thing happening here, there is a woman at the place next door, this is so India, her flight to Bombay is at 3:45am, she gets to the airport the first night, "sorry you are not on this list so you can't go as it's full", next day she spends the day trying to get a flight to Bombay, she gets some sleep, the next night she goes back, "sorry, it will be late and you will miss your flight to Paris so you might as well not go", she missed it again last night, I'm not sure why but I think this is India telling her not to go as she doesn't want to go. These are the crazy things of India.

Once India has you she doesn't want to let you go. I know when I had to leave India the first time-and I had to as my visa was to expire, I left and then cried and made myself sick wanting to come back. It's as if she gets right into your heart and doesn't want to let you go. Even as hard as it is at times, you are never the same and you always want to come back.

I'm have finally got a cell phone number here!!!! I'm so happy to be able to have some freedom to call places without having to look for a call box, and I feel blessed to be recieving phone calls from friends, so if you are interested in giving me a shout, my Indian cell phone number is 9995569611, if it's from the US you need to dial 011-91 first and then the number from what I've been told.

Ok loves, take care, I miss and love you. I send you hugs. Let me know how you are and what is up and new with you? May your heart be wrapped in a blanket of the softest love and lay upon a pillow of comfort, beauty and safety from within. Everyday we must learn to have self love and acceptance, enjoy the journey and know you are not alone. Your pain is all of our pain, as none of us have a pain someone can't relate too, even if it's different, we are all connected. Your joy is everyones joy, so lets share who we are in full-with all of our emotions, pain, laughter, etc. Love and bliss to you, Heather