This is a gorgeous poem from a friend that I will keep annonomous for now, you know who you are my love! Thank you, you took my breath away. She wrote this back in May for me and I'm finally posting it. Much love, Heather
There are women who never meet...who have the same dream of distance,
the
same language running parallel with the same speed which does not
change...they circle the earth raised by distance into the sky and pass
each
other, touching everything, as if it was simple geography or patterned
roads
moving slowly from their eyes to their hands....they lay awake at night
speaking to ghost stars and gaining wisdom from coral locomotives with
lions
feet....windows with a million and one homes to miss... having violet
avenues running like doves in their veins a merging of voices in a
procession dour with tambourines...and this procession, this merging of
voices with their little pink hearts un-caged, enter softly, our
doorways
like paper doves...and these woman...THIS woman that I know...she comes
beautiful, to me, in the moments between work and life...where all her
victories swallow red ribbons and kiss each other to death and dress in
white against her good heart... the shape of ivory hidden beneath a red
star... though right now, I imagine, she is sleeping.... somewhere on
the
shores of a land with invisible winters she is sleeping..... tomorrow's
sun
hanging it's lips just about a mile above "Grand Central
Station"...where
she will wake...and follow the clumsy grey fingers of geography until
she is
home... and I wonder if she is somewhere catching tigers in red
weather,
where a loud pulse of feet and hands fill the streets...I wonder if her
movements are still drinking fame through a camera like jealous
stars...I
wonder if she knows her little hands are missed
...you know....I still hold her, here, like a flower... just in case
she
didn't know....
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Saturday, September 29, 2007
BRALESS IN INDIA!!!!
Hello Dear Ones,
Yes that is right, Braless in India. Though I have been in India for 5 months now I still haven't put a bra on and sometimes my eyes are in the middle of my chest. Sometimes I can blow it off and other times-like at Osho's I said to the Indian man in the class- "my eyes are up here"-ok maybe a little blunt but the truth. It's funny. They aren't used to seeing undraped breasts, as the women here have a bra, a top over it and a sari or a sawar that they wear at least a bra under. My experience the other day was these two boys on a bike and the driver almost ran me over as he was staring so much, pretty funny, except I had to dodge him.
Speaking of dodging, being in Rishekesh you have to dodge everything, they have a very close radius of space here, so they may even barely brush you when they drive by on the motor bike, bicycle or even walking by you, but they love to drive right at 'cha so you dodge them, it's funny-at times. Sometimes to keep the heart calm. India tests every day.
Then there are the monkeys. We have lots of monkeys at my place, any where from small to huge. Very aggressive and they want food and know you fear them, as if you get bitten you have to get a rabies shot-not fun and sometimes painful with their huge needles. So I'm sitting peacefully in my room minding my own business reading a book, noticing it was time to go to class and all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I see my door open.
No not a person, but a huge ass monkey looking for food and thinking this is his territory. He walks in climb up my shelves and grabs my banana, comes down, peels it confidently and with a swiftness, eats it and looks at me. My heart is racing knowing I had to leave, knowing if I did anything that he could bite or attack and I had no interest in that. I feared him smelling my peanuts in my bag next to me. YIKES! He climbs back up my shelves finds nothing, I scream to get out and move toward him and he lunges at me with his teeth in full view. Well I know who was boss there. He finally left, my heart pounding I closed and locked the door and then left for yoga. Shew! Watch out for the monkeys in your life!!! ; )
So what can I say, I had great insights this morning, pondering when I might leave India, how long to spend in Thailand before I go to OZ (Australia), etc and then it hit me. As lovely as this trip has been it's not been all that fun and roses. It's been hard really a times, lovely at others. But I didn't come away on this trip to explore India from head to toe, to look for adventure and be crazy. I came away to unwind from LA and heal, healing isn't always fun. It's at times serious and down right boring, tear producing, bring all your internal voices out, making you crazy as well as laugh at yourself-a key to healing. So I sit here feeling amazing, knowing that I've written and gone through some amazing things yet still feel this trip wasn't as fun as the others, but it's now nice to be conscious of the why, bring resolve and let go and enjoy all the parts of healing of this trip.
I've seen and felt and gone through much and it's been great to share them with you and hear back from you, your experiences. As it feels like it brings me closer to you to hear from you. I got a great lesson from other monkeys this morning on friendship. Sitting outside my room I saw a monkey come down and sit on the other roof and another monkey come down and plop right next to him, against him. With no regard for space, no thought of "does he want me here or not" just a natural tendency to touch. The first monkey immediately looks down and starts preening the other monkey, picking bugs and dirt out of his fur. Now for me, that's friendship.
I mean look at it, you can rely on the other to be there, keep you touched, loving you, clean and just be with the other. When was the last time you were so comfortable with a friend you could just plop your head down in their lap and know they'd pet your face or hair and just love on you even if it was for a moment? No fear of what if they aren't in the mood etc? Now I know this is all my head stuff coming out but there is something so comforting in doing this. I used to do it with my mother, my friends in high school, or them with me, with my best friend up in Northern California. So I look forward to building a community of friends to plop down with and love and be loved by. Maybe have a plop and cuddle party, you know me and my parties. I love to have a party!!!! Now lets be creative! ; )
Ok, so about friendship, incredible enough I was finishing up Leo Buscaglia's book on Loving Each Other-which I highly recommend, and he talks about friendship. Listen to this: "Friendship reflects a deep regard for the value of the person. It tells us that people do not exist merely to satisfy our needs and fulfill our lives. They too have needs and lives to be actualized. In this sense we are responsible for ourselves while willingly accepting responsibility for another's becoming. It is a voluntary sharing, a mutual agrement to enrich each other's life processes through the revealing of ourselves as they do the same for us."
"In a friendship, each individual affirms the other's presence and reinforces the other's ntegrity. As the friendship becomes deeper it becomes a deeper it becomes a sharing of vulnerabilities in a safe environment. We let each other know that our becoming is of the utmost interest and concer. We show in action that we respect and admire one another, that we enjoy the opportunity to be together and to share experiences." Isn't that beautiful!
Later he goes on to talk about how most people don't want to work on a relationship-be it romantic or friendship and all relationships takes work. He says most people walk away and terminate a relationship before the real work begins-my words and I can relate because I've experienced this in my life. I have a bad day, I am cranky, I do something crazy or controlling, say something not nice and then the inner door to the other person closes and I don't hear from them again.
I know that it wasn't a friendship then but why the fear of talking? Why the fear of working it out? Why not talk, share, express what you feel and need or give the other person a chance to apologize or accept that the other person only had 5 hours sleep and just wanted to get to the hotel to rest, instead of letting go of the whole thing. What is your experience with this? How are you when it comes to conflict in your relationships? I mean we are going to have them-someone cancels on you at the last minute because they get an appointment and you could have had plans with another or what ever it is, how do you work with this?
I want to thank you for sharing with me what friendship is to you, it really is so beautiful, insightful and incredible to hear what it is. We aren't all raised in a way that friendship or relationships come naturally to us. For me I feel much more comfortable in intimate relationships then friendships, for the fact that if I know my partner really cares and loves me I know they'll stay, I don't always see that friends make the time to talk, share and stay, but this has got to change within me as I'm creating it as we all create all of our realities. What we think, we create. What are you creating in your relationships?
So I'm in this yoga course-Agama Yoga, Wow, it's intense. This first week has been a smidge of asanas and a ton of theory, man oh man it's intense. Who knows if I'll stay for the whole month but I'm getting a ton out of it. It really makes you think: can we really be enlightened in this life time. I've had some powerful meditations since this course started. Yet there is a a feeling of being torn a feeling of a tug of war within me. It's about enlightenment, doing your practice daily 1-15 hours a day, not needing anyone, just doing your inner work so you are cleared from all your impure thoughts and impulses and be cleaned body and soul. It's powerful, it pulls me in but it really challenges some of my other beliefs.
The belief that we are human beings and being a human being we need other people and people help for us to have a happy, fulfilled, blissful life. So on one hand reading about the humanness of relationships of Leo Buscaglia and then to go to this course on sitting and meditating on "who am I" and many other solitude things really makes me go hummm....can I do both, can we reach enlightenment and have a life, they claim yes. They claim that if you put in 5-6 hours a day on your inner practice you can still be enlightened and people have done it in 6 years with a full time job but no friends, no life. Well what kind of life is that? Do we have to choose? Is it that core bliss we are looking for or are we looking for the monumental happiness from everyday life from others and experiences.
Makes me really look at my life, see who I am, what I want in this life. How do I want to live, purify and be in the world? What about you?
Also most enlightened people I have met surround themselves with people, laugh a ton, they are happy with people and are with people for hours out of their day, not locked up in a room or cave some where meditating. Osho says "only an unhappy person meditates" Otherwise there is no reason to meditate as we meditate to find happiness. Pretty funny eh. And why do all these western people go around working on enlightenment next to these gloriously happy, blissful people-The Dalai Lama and Amma, yet most of the westerners are so sad, inward, and SERIOUS. If we are looking for enlightenment, love the energy of these incredible being then why aren't we laughing, smiling, hugging and being with others? Things to ponder.
So as you can tell I am still in India, in Rishekesh, I found my yoga teacher of 7 years ago, it's been amazing to be with him. He and I both lit up when seeing each other, how lovely! He pushes me in my classes. Yet now I only go a few times a week as I'm with this other training. But the energy in me is opening. I can feel energy awakening and this is energy that has been dormant maybe my whole life and it's rushing in. The sun is healing me, the asanas are healing me, the breath work, meditations and what has been really powerful is my time down at the Ganga (holy river) chanting.
That is one of my favorite parts of being here, chanting with my chai next to the river every morning, chanting through the streets and seeing how people respond to me. As it's India, you get Eyeballs all day, everyday even if you don't want it and you get responses to what ever you do even if you do nothing at all. I wanted eye contact, I got it. It's powerful. And well the invite came again and I took it. I was asked to dance for some friends and so we got together and I put on some Lisa Gerard and blissed out again in movement.
Again the words that come over and over to me-it's like your soul dancing or your soul was dancing. So maybe there is something in it. My friend Moo almost cried. For me how powerful is it that someone can feel my dance so powerfully and she said I empowered her-I don't know how as it's just what I love, but then when I watch dance I feel the same, so maybe it's just that! I'm grateful for these gifts. Plus I sang for them in this restaurant and what came as a surprise as I was trying to be quiet was the whole restaurant stopped, looked and listened, I'm surprised I didn't blush, but then maybe I did. Ok, so my address is on singing and dancing-I can handle that and I'm thrilled about it. Just hang on as I am just letting the Universe take me.
Another great insight that I got was going to Australia feels like a coming home. It's not a place I want to go to and do all the tourist stuff, it's a place that I want to sit, watch people, watch myself, set up a hammock and read a book, write, maybe write a book, dip my toes in the rivers of life there and be in nature. If I can find a beautiful, peaceful place to be, gardening, around beautiful people, maybe part of a community of people, time alone as well and dance, sing, work some and then play. But it's some how a coming home to me, even though never being there that's what it feels like-coming home, as well as seeing friends I haven't seen in years and some in months. I look forward to sharing it with you via email, yet probably won't be emailing as much. I'll see.
I am loving Rishekesh, I'll let you know when I know when I'm off to Thailand to fly to Oz. If you are going to be in either place please let me know. I'd love to see you, have a chai, sit on the beach and give you a great big hug. I look forward to hearing from you. Love you, Heather
Yes that is right, Braless in India. Though I have been in India for 5 months now I still haven't put a bra on and sometimes my eyes are in the middle of my chest. Sometimes I can blow it off and other times-like at Osho's I said to the Indian man in the class- "my eyes are up here"-ok maybe a little blunt but the truth. It's funny. They aren't used to seeing undraped breasts, as the women here have a bra, a top over it and a sari or a sawar that they wear at least a bra under. My experience the other day was these two boys on a bike and the driver almost ran me over as he was staring so much, pretty funny, except I had to dodge him.
Speaking of dodging, being in Rishekesh you have to dodge everything, they have a very close radius of space here, so they may even barely brush you when they drive by on the motor bike, bicycle or even walking by you, but they love to drive right at 'cha so you dodge them, it's funny-at times. Sometimes to keep the heart calm. India tests every day.
Then there are the monkeys. We have lots of monkeys at my place, any where from small to huge. Very aggressive and they want food and know you fear them, as if you get bitten you have to get a rabies shot-not fun and sometimes painful with their huge needles. So I'm sitting peacefully in my room minding my own business reading a book, noticing it was time to go to class and all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I see my door open.
No not a person, but a huge ass monkey looking for food and thinking this is his territory. He walks in climb up my shelves and grabs my banana, comes down, peels it confidently and with a swiftness, eats it and looks at me. My heart is racing knowing I had to leave, knowing if I did anything that he could bite or attack and I had no interest in that. I feared him smelling my peanuts in my bag next to me. YIKES! He climbs back up my shelves finds nothing, I scream to get out and move toward him and he lunges at me with his teeth in full view. Well I know who was boss there. He finally left, my heart pounding I closed and locked the door and then left for yoga. Shew! Watch out for the monkeys in your life!!! ; )
So what can I say, I had great insights this morning, pondering when I might leave India, how long to spend in Thailand before I go to OZ (Australia), etc and then it hit me. As lovely as this trip has been it's not been all that fun and roses. It's been hard really a times, lovely at others. But I didn't come away on this trip to explore India from head to toe, to look for adventure and be crazy. I came away to unwind from LA and heal, healing isn't always fun. It's at times serious and down right boring, tear producing, bring all your internal voices out, making you crazy as well as laugh at yourself-a key to healing. So I sit here feeling amazing, knowing that I've written and gone through some amazing things yet still feel this trip wasn't as fun as the others, but it's now nice to be conscious of the why, bring resolve and let go and enjoy all the parts of healing of this trip.
I've seen and felt and gone through much and it's been great to share them with you and hear back from you, your experiences. As it feels like it brings me closer to you to hear from you. I got a great lesson from other monkeys this morning on friendship. Sitting outside my room I saw a monkey come down and sit on the other roof and another monkey come down and plop right next to him, against him. With no regard for space, no thought of "does he want me here or not" just a natural tendency to touch. The first monkey immediately looks down and starts preening the other monkey, picking bugs and dirt out of his fur. Now for me, that's friendship.
I mean look at it, you can rely on the other to be there, keep you touched, loving you, clean and just be with the other. When was the last time you were so comfortable with a friend you could just plop your head down in their lap and know they'd pet your face or hair and just love on you even if it was for a moment? No fear of what if they aren't in the mood etc? Now I know this is all my head stuff coming out but there is something so comforting in doing this. I used to do it with my mother, my friends in high school, or them with me, with my best friend up in Northern California. So I look forward to building a community of friends to plop down with and love and be loved by. Maybe have a plop and cuddle party, you know me and my parties. I love to have a party!!!! Now lets be creative! ; )
Ok, so about friendship, incredible enough I was finishing up Leo Buscaglia's book on Loving Each Other-which I highly recommend, and he talks about friendship. Listen to this: "Friendship reflects a deep regard for the value of the person. It tells us that people do not exist merely to satisfy our needs and fulfill our lives. They too have needs and lives to be actualized. In this sense we are responsible for ourselves while willingly accepting responsibility for another's becoming. It is a voluntary sharing, a mutual agrement to enrich each other's life processes through the revealing of ourselves as they do the same for us."
"In a friendship, each individual affirms the other's presence and reinforces the other's ntegrity. As the friendship becomes deeper it becomes a deeper it becomes a sharing of vulnerabilities in a safe environment. We let each other know that our becoming is of the utmost interest and concer. We show in action that we respect and admire one another, that we enjoy the opportunity to be together and to share experiences." Isn't that beautiful!
Later he goes on to talk about how most people don't want to work on a relationship-be it romantic or friendship and all relationships takes work. He says most people walk away and terminate a relationship before the real work begins-my words and I can relate because I've experienced this in my life. I have a bad day, I am cranky, I do something crazy or controlling, say something not nice and then the inner door to the other person closes and I don't hear from them again.
I know that it wasn't a friendship then but why the fear of talking? Why the fear of working it out? Why not talk, share, express what you feel and need or give the other person a chance to apologize or accept that the other person only had 5 hours sleep and just wanted to get to the hotel to rest, instead of letting go of the whole thing. What is your experience with this? How are you when it comes to conflict in your relationships? I mean we are going to have them-someone cancels on you at the last minute because they get an appointment and you could have had plans with another or what ever it is, how do you work with this?
I want to thank you for sharing with me what friendship is to you, it really is so beautiful, insightful and incredible to hear what it is. We aren't all raised in a way that friendship or relationships come naturally to us. For me I feel much more comfortable in intimate relationships then friendships, for the fact that if I know my partner really cares and loves me I know they'll stay, I don't always see that friends make the time to talk, share and stay, but this has got to change within me as I'm creating it as we all create all of our realities. What we think, we create. What are you creating in your relationships?
So I'm in this yoga course-Agama Yoga, Wow, it's intense. This first week has been a smidge of asanas and a ton of theory, man oh man it's intense. Who knows if I'll stay for the whole month but I'm getting a ton out of it. It really makes you think: can we really be enlightened in this life time. I've had some powerful meditations since this course started. Yet there is a a feeling of being torn a feeling of a tug of war within me. It's about enlightenment, doing your practice daily 1-15 hours a day, not needing anyone, just doing your inner work so you are cleared from all your impure thoughts and impulses and be cleaned body and soul. It's powerful, it pulls me in but it really challenges some of my other beliefs.
The belief that we are human beings and being a human being we need other people and people help for us to have a happy, fulfilled, blissful life. So on one hand reading about the humanness of relationships of Leo Buscaglia and then to go to this course on sitting and meditating on "who am I" and many other solitude things really makes me go hummm....can I do both, can we reach enlightenment and have a life, they claim yes. They claim that if you put in 5-6 hours a day on your inner practice you can still be enlightened and people have done it in 6 years with a full time job but no friends, no life. Well what kind of life is that? Do we have to choose? Is it that core bliss we are looking for or are we looking for the monumental happiness from everyday life from others and experiences.
Makes me really look at my life, see who I am, what I want in this life. How do I want to live, purify and be in the world? What about you?
Also most enlightened people I have met surround themselves with people, laugh a ton, they are happy with people and are with people for hours out of their day, not locked up in a room or cave some where meditating. Osho says "only an unhappy person meditates" Otherwise there is no reason to meditate as we meditate to find happiness. Pretty funny eh. And why do all these western people go around working on enlightenment next to these gloriously happy, blissful people-The Dalai Lama and Amma, yet most of the westerners are so sad, inward, and SERIOUS. If we are looking for enlightenment, love the energy of these incredible being then why aren't we laughing, smiling, hugging and being with others? Things to ponder.
So as you can tell I am still in India, in Rishekesh, I found my yoga teacher of 7 years ago, it's been amazing to be with him. He and I both lit up when seeing each other, how lovely! He pushes me in my classes. Yet now I only go a few times a week as I'm with this other training. But the energy in me is opening. I can feel energy awakening and this is energy that has been dormant maybe my whole life and it's rushing in. The sun is healing me, the asanas are healing me, the breath work, meditations and what has been really powerful is my time down at the Ganga (holy river) chanting.
That is one of my favorite parts of being here, chanting with my chai next to the river every morning, chanting through the streets and seeing how people respond to me. As it's India, you get Eyeballs all day, everyday even if you don't want it and you get responses to what ever you do even if you do nothing at all. I wanted eye contact, I got it. It's powerful. And well the invite came again and I took it. I was asked to dance for some friends and so we got together and I put on some Lisa Gerard and blissed out again in movement.
Again the words that come over and over to me-it's like your soul dancing or your soul was dancing. So maybe there is something in it. My friend Moo almost cried. For me how powerful is it that someone can feel my dance so powerfully and she said I empowered her-I don't know how as it's just what I love, but then when I watch dance I feel the same, so maybe it's just that! I'm grateful for these gifts. Plus I sang for them in this restaurant and what came as a surprise as I was trying to be quiet was the whole restaurant stopped, looked and listened, I'm surprised I didn't blush, but then maybe I did. Ok, so my address is on singing and dancing-I can handle that and I'm thrilled about it. Just hang on as I am just letting the Universe take me.
Another great insight that I got was going to Australia feels like a coming home. It's not a place I want to go to and do all the tourist stuff, it's a place that I want to sit, watch people, watch myself, set up a hammock and read a book, write, maybe write a book, dip my toes in the rivers of life there and be in nature. If I can find a beautiful, peaceful place to be, gardening, around beautiful people, maybe part of a community of people, time alone as well and dance, sing, work some and then play. But it's some how a coming home to me, even though never being there that's what it feels like-coming home, as well as seeing friends I haven't seen in years and some in months. I look forward to sharing it with you via email, yet probably won't be emailing as much. I'll see.
I am loving Rishekesh, I'll let you know when I know when I'm off to Thailand to fly to Oz. If you are going to be in either place please let me know. I'd love to see you, have a chai, sit on the beach and give you a great big hug. I look forward to hearing from you. Love you, Heather
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Cow chasing me down the street-he wants my grapfruit!
Hello there,
How are you? How is your life? Your family and friends? I am doing great, doing lots of contiplating, meditating, being and trying to let of what ever plan I think I have-crazy I'm on holiday and I'm still planning-yikes! Yet some is necessary. For example: I HAVE BOUGHT MY TICKET TO AUSTRALIA!!!!! Yes it's actually happening, my dream of going to OZ is happening- a long awaited dream since probably childhood when my mother would talk about Australia and how she wanted to go and how beautiful it was and watching Crocidile Dundie movies and being excited about being there. Well on Oct 24th I fly from Phuket (it's pronounced Poo ket, not fuckit'!!!!) Thailand and get into Sydney on Oct 25th. So if you are around I'd love to see you there.
Oh and since we are on the subject of planning. You are invited to my birthday party-yes I am planning one even if it's only me, I'll be there!!!! I'm planning on being in Byron Bay, Australia and hopefully in the wilderness or on the beach with friends, dancing, laughing, sharing, playing games and anything else that comes to mind on November 25th-I also give notice just in case you may want to fly out!!! hint hint!!! ; )
Last time I wrote I was in Pushkar, wonderful amazing, loving, Pushkar-so many lessons of being, still being absorbed, so much beauty, so many great people that I met on the street. Walking down the street saying hello to all the locals, eating at my favorite places and meeting new friends, dodging the cows-that have tripled in 7 years since I've been here, dodging the people, dogs, the push carts that call them selves rickshaws as cars aren't allowed to drive there but these people pushing carts are allowed to take you and your luggage to your hotel and I mean that people will sit on the carts sometimes and be pushed-crazy! And then there is the dodging of the motor bikes that love to honk the whole way through Pushkar just in case you may not know they are there and they drive too fast down these little alleys that about are 6 people wide sometimes a little more narrow and sometimes less narrow.
I really was in love with getting up and walking down to the lake surrounded by the blue and white buildings, where everyone bathes on the ghats as it's a holy lake, taking in everything, seeing the sun rise, reading, writing for hours, having chai on the roof top of my guesthouse-called the chill out cafe!
The last few days I was there was so great, I went for a hike to the top of the highest mountain there with a temple on top. The few was spectacular, watching the sun come up over the mountains, shining out and lighting up the green desert below, breath taking. The hike up was great, love the sweat and exercise, but the way down from the temple was the greatest because all the locals and tourist Indians were coming up and ALL wanted their photos taken. HOW BRILLIANT!
If you have never been to Rajastan, the thing that is so different are the bright colors of the people, if not in florescent greens, then reds, or orange, purple, pink, anything as long as it screams BRIGHT ! I love it. It's so different from the rest of India and this all against a green back ground of desert. And they are so serious in the photos but before and after the photos they are laughing and joyous and they love to see their photos on the digital camera, what a gift to give them. Many have never seen a photo of themselves. I wish I had a separate camera to take photos of them as they look laughingly onto their faces in the little metal box with a screen that has their face in it!
But I caught one family, as they got all serious for the photo and pulled the camera away, stuck my tongue out at them and made a funny face, they laughed and I captured it! All teeth, bright eyed and happy! In their normal state with their family. Even though someone did point out they don't laugh as much in Pushkar, but I think that is only in the main bazaar area as every where else I saw them and heard them laughing.
The other amazing thing that happened coming down off the hill, besides having chai with a group of men at the bottom, visualize this, a little stall, covered by black plastic on the top, a man fixing chai in is pot, the milk steaming, bubbling, almost over, pouring in the seasonings, water, and 12 men sitting on stools, benches, rocks and squatting all under a tree in the shade, all in conversation with each other, all in white pants and long white tops and some even with nicely pressed hat-now mind you everything is ironed neatly and kept crisp on these men and all happy to have me join them.
And everytime I join a tea stall many others come around. I think I bring them business actually, they even serve others tea that came after me, as I think they like a tourist being there. It's kind of cool and since I'm not in a hurry it's great! Why rush a good thing!
Ok, back to the other great thing that happened that day, I came down off the hill and these men all wanted their photos and with me and then they told me to go into the temple and dance- I replied "notch" which is hindi for dance and they laughed and loved that I knew that word-though I haven't a clue if it's how it is spelled. I went in and the Universe really works in fabulous ways. The people in the temple were chanting a chant that was easy to pick up so I started chanting on the side, they invited me to be with them so I walked over and sat with them.
The woman next to me kept wanting me to dance. I finally motioned that if she danced I'd dance and she joined me for a bit dancing and playing. I kept it PG-13. Then once I was into it she sat down. I really got how conscious I was being in a temple and not to be too sexual with my moves but then I realized that so much energy and that includes sexual energy is in every move but it doesn't have to be overtly sexual but it's subtle energy flowing through every cell of my body and I just listened to it and let it take me, let go of any performance and they did not stop chanting until I got really slow and then they stopped. I was a drippy mess by then, sweat from my elbows, my knees, every where.
Then they wanted me to photograph them, me with them and then they got me to dance again and then they got up and danced with me as one man took photos of us. Well I put it out there I want to dance, have an audience and here it is yet another ashram/temple and I'm dancing before people and they were so grateful and happy to have me chant with them and dance for and with them! It truly made my day. I danced for 1- 1 1/2 hours it was great. I'd just said I wanted to dance that morning and I got it. I finally bowed in nameste and excused myself to go shower and change clothes at my hotel.
I think I've performed more on this trip then in my life and I'm more and more excited about this. As it means I'm open to this. It's like that quote from Osho-which I may have said before but I love "if you are born a dancer and are a book keeper and dancing work can't come to you as you are at the book keeping address and it bounces back". I love that.
So I left my cherished Pushkar with friends and now we are up in Rishekesh, another favorite place of mine! I'm ecstatic to be in the mountains, fresh air, only motor bikes again, no cars, yes!!!! Everything is green and lush, the Gange-holy river, is very wide and running quickly, they ask you not to go too far in as I guess one person drown last year. Now they have chains to hold on to so you bathe and not worry about going down the river. And everyone bathes in the Gange!
This place is a holy place, filled with nature, peaceful energy and has the spirit of God or creation or both and then some. My heart is calm, my body and mind is happy to be here. I wake up and go for a walk at 6am, before sunrise, or sit on the river and meditate and chant as the sun comes up over the green treed mountains. Listening to nature of other people chanting or to the music up stream. Have a chai on the side of the street from a tiny stall that wakes you up gently and lovingly with the taste of masala spice and sugar.
Of course then there is my favorite drink from the last time I was here. I'm so happy it's still here. They squeeze lemon into a glass, then they take a sweet water with a little bit of bubbles, tap the top of the bottle with a steele utensil which pops something inside the glass-a rubber ball or something, it fizzes, he pours it into the glass of lemon, puts some spices in it, pours it from glass to glass to mix it and voula, it's a refreshing drink that cools and soothes your body and belly-even with or without ice. I don't want to know where the ice comes from as most drink the gange water but so far my belly is fine!
The funny thing about this town is the that the cows are extra small, well except one, they aren't normal size. the people file down their horns so they can't stab people like one cow tried to do the last time I was here but we all learned to avoid him. The cows have become more aggressive with wanting to be fed too. I watched several people buy bananas and they had to peel them very quickly to give the peel to the cow before the cow got the whole banana. I was chased by a cow last night that wanted my grapefruit, finally I got away and into an area he wasn't allow to go. Never had a cow chase me for fruit before.
So it's peaceful here, I'm finding yoga classes-as this is yoga central for India. I'm loving the altitude and freshness of the area. It's supporting me to look in. What keeps coming up on this trip for me over and over is: "what is friendship? What it is to you? Who are you as a friend? What are your qualities as a friend? What do you most want/need from a friendship? What do you give as a friend? What does friendship mean to you/me?" So many questions as I watch people interact with one another. Feeling like a foriegner even to those from my own country. The feeling of separateness I feel sometimes and then bamm something happens and I feel included. It's all in my mind if I feel included or not, how about you? When do you feel included? What do you think and feel friendship is?
For me it's huge, not quite gotten it down to something I can explain simply. I'm still learning what it is really, are you too? I know a friend listens, someone who loves to laugh, loves to share, accepts the other, someone who is touchable-I have to be able to touch someone to be their friend, something I've know for years, someone who will call me on my stuff, yet will hold each other when there are tears, authentic, truthful, up front, honest, compassionate and available for the other even if it's a 2 minute phone call just to say "Hey I'm thinking of you". I love that. Yet I know it's bigger then all of that, it's giving, recieving and being in silence together with comfort and being able to go do your own thing and be supported in it.
It's funny I know in one of my last emails I wrote about the pigeons that are looking outside themselves to get what they need-my interpretation anyway, but I also get that as humans we really are social beings, people they need touch and contact to live a full life. So there is a need of others, it's just when it gets to be an unhealthy need of "I can't be me without you, or I need you so I can do this or that or be that way". Yes it's great to do things with others but to always not do or be a certain way as the other person isn't there I think there an unhealthiness to it. We humans are funny creatures, analyzing everything instead of just being. Our minds-do you think birds think of all these things, nope, they are too busy being.
So I'm here at my old favorite restaurants, staying in my favorite ashram on the river, taking yoga, and relaxing, reading and writing before getting ready to leave India in a few short weeks-scares the crap out of me as I love this place. This is the hardest place for me to leave. I know I've lived here in many past lives and as hard as it is sometimes I get it.
Ok loves, I am off. I'd love to hear from you. I've love to hear your definition of friendship and what you think your greatest quality is as a friend and what you value in a friend? I send you great big hugs and so much love. Remember joy comes from within, so in each moment we are joyful, we just need to look inside within us to bring it out and share it with the world. Much love to you, Heather
How are you? How is your life? Your family and friends? I am doing great, doing lots of contiplating, meditating, being and trying to let of what ever plan I think I have-crazy I'm on holiday and I'm still planning-yikes! Yet some is necessary. For example: I HAVE BOUGHT MY TICKET TO AUSTRALIA!!!!! Yes it's actually happening, my dream of going to OZ is happening- a long awaited dream since probably childhood when my mother would talk about Australia and how she wanted to go and how beautiful it was and watching Crocidile Dundie movies and being excited about being there. Well on Oct 24th I fly from Phuket (it's pronounced Poo ket, not fuckit'!!!!) Thailand and get into Sydney on Oct 25th. So if you are around I'd love to see you there.
Oh and since we are on the subject of planning. You are invited to my birthday party-yes I am planning one even if it's only me, I'll be there!!!! I'm planning on being in Byron Bay, Australia and hopefully in the wilderness or on the beach with friends, dancing, laughing, sharing, playing games and anything else that comes to mind on November 25th-I also give notice just in case you may want to fly out!!! hint hint!!! ; )
Last time I wrote I was in Pushkar, wonderful amazing, loving, Pushkar-so many lessons of being, still being absorbed, so much beauty, so many great people that I met on the street. Walking down the street saying hello to all the locals, eating at my favorite places and meeting new friends, dodging the cows-that have tripled in 7 years since I've been here, dodging the people, dogs, the push carts that call them selves rickshaws as cars aren't allowed to drive there but these people pushing carts are allowed to take you and your luggage to your hotel and I mean that people will sit on the carts sometimes and be pushed-crazy! And then there is the dodging of the motor bikes that love to honk the whole way through Pushkar just in case you may not know they are there and they drive too fast down these little alleys that about are 6 people wide sometimes a little more narrow and sometimes less narrow.
I really was in love with getting up and walking down to the lake surrounded by the blue and white buildings, where everyone bathes on the ghats as it's a holy lake, taking in everything, seeing the sun rise, reading, writing for hours, having chai on the roof top of my guesthouse-called the chill out cafe!
The last few days I was there was so great, I went for a hike to the top of the highest mountain there with a temple on top. The few was spectacular, watching the sun come up over the mountains, shining out and lighting up the green desert below, breath taking. The hike up was great, love the sweat and exercise, but the way down from the temple was the greatest because all the locals and tourist Indians were coming up and ALL wanted their photos taken. HOW BRILLIANT!
If you have never been to Rajastan, the thing that is so different are the bright colors of the people, if not in florescent greens, then reds, or orange, purple, pink, anything as long as it screams BRIGHT ! I love it. It's so different from the rest of India and this all against a green back ground of desert. And they are so serious in the photos but before and after the photos they are laughing and joyous and they love to see their photos on the digital camera, what a gift to give them. Many have never seen a photo of themselves. I wish I had a separate camera to take photos of them as they look laughingly onto their faces in the little metal box with a screen that has their face in it!
But I caught one family, as they got all serious for the photo and pulled the camera away, stuck my tongue out at them and made a funny face, they laughed and I captured it! All teeth, bright eyed and happy! In their normal state with their family. Even though someone did point out they don't laugh as much in Pushkar, but I think that is only in the main bazaar area as every where else I saw them and heard them laughing.
The other amazing thing that happened coming down off the hill, besides having chai with a group of men at the bottom, visualize this, a little stall, covered by black plastic on the top, a man fixing chai in is pot, the milk steaming, bubbling, almost over, pouring in the seasonings, water, and 12 men sitting on stools, benches, rocks and squatting all under a tree in the shade, all in conversation with each other, all in white pants and long white tops and some even with nicely pressed hat-now mind you everything is ironed neatly and kept crisp on these men and all happy to have me join them.
And everytime I join a tea stall many others come around. I think I bring them business actually, they even serve others tea that came after me, as I think they like a tourist being there. It's kind of cool and since I'm not in a hurry it's great! Why rush a good thing!
Ok, back to the other great thing that happened that day, I came down off the hill and these men all wanted their photos and with me and then they told me to go into the temple and dance- I replied "notch" which is hindi for dance and they laughed and loved that I knew that word-though I haven't a clue if it's how it is spelled. I went in and the Universe really works in fabulous ways. The people in the temple were chanting a chant that was easy to pick up so I started chanting on the side, they invited me to be with them so I walked over and sat with them.
The woman next to me kept wanting me to dance. I finally motioned that if she danced I'd dance and she joined me for a bit dancing and playing. I kept it PG-13. Then once I was into it she sat down. I really got how conscious I was being in a temple and not to be too sexual with my moves but then I realized that so much energy and that includes sexual energy is in every move but it doesn't have to be overtly sexual but it's subtle energy flowing through every cell of my body and I just listened to it and let it take me, let go of any performance and they did not stop chanting until I got really slow and then they stopped. I was a drippy mess by then, sweat from my elbows, my knees, every where.
Then they wanted me to photograph them, me with them and then they got me to dance again and then they got up and danced with me as one man took photos of us. Well I put it out there I want to dance, have an audience and here it is yet another ashram/temple and I'm dancing before people and they were so grateful and happy to have me chant with them and dance for and with them! It truly made my day. I danced for 1- 1 1/2 hours it was great. I'd just said I wanted to dance that morning and I got it. I finally bowed in nameste and excused myself to go shower and change clothes at my hotel.
I think I've performed more on this trip then in my life and I'm more and more excited about this. As it means I'm open to this. It's like that quote from Osho-which I may have said before but I love "if you are born a dancer and are a book keeper and dancing work can't come to you as you are at the book keeping address and it bounces back". I love that.
So I left my cherished Pushkar with friends and now we are up in Rishekesh, another favorite place of mine! I'm ecstatic to be in the mountains, fresh air, only motor bikes again, no cars, yes!!!! Everything is green and lush, the Gange-holy river, is very wide and running quickly, they ask you not to go too far in as I guess one person drown last year. Now they have chains to hold on to so you bathe and not worry about going down the river. And everyone bathes in the Gange!
This place is a holy place, filled with nature, peaceful energy and has the spirit of God or creation or both and then some. My heart is calm, my body and mind is happy to be here. I wake up and go for a walk at 6am, before sunrise, or sit on the river and meditate and chant as the sun comes up over the green treed mountains. Listening to nature of other people chanting or to the music up stream. Have a chai on the side of the street from a tiny stall that wakes you up gently and lovingly with the taste of masala spice and sugar.
Of course then there is my favorite drink from the last time I was here. I'm so happy it's still here. They squeeze lemon into a glass, then they take a sweet water with a little bit of bubbles, tap the top of the bottle with a steele utensil which pops something inside the glass-a rubber ball or something, it fizzes, he pours it into the glass of lemon, puts some spices in it, pours it from glass to glass to mix it and voula, it's a refreshing drink that cools and soothes your body and belly-even with or without ice. I don't want to know where the ice comes from as most drink the gange water but so far my belly is fine!
The funny thing about this town is the that the cows are extra small, well except one, they aren't normal size. the people file down their horns so they can't stab people like one cow tried to do the last time I was here but we all learned to avoid him. The cows have become more aggressive with wanting to be fed too. I watched several people buy bananas and they had to peel them very quickly to give the peel to the cow before the cow got the whole banana. I was chased by a cow last night that wanted my grapefruit, finally I got away and into an area he wasn't allow to go. Never had a cow chase me for fruit before.
So it's peaceful here, I'm finding yoga classes-as this is yoga central for India. I'm loving the altitude and freshness of the area. It's supporting me to look in. What keeps coming up on this trip for me over and over is: "what is friendship? What it is to you? Who are you as a friend? What are your qualities as a friend? What do you most want/need from a friendship? What do you give as a friend? What does friendship mean to you/me?" So many questions as I watch people interact with one another. Feeling like a foriegner even to those from my own country. The feeling of separateness I feel sometimes and then bamm something happens and I feel included. It's all in my mind if I feel included or not, how about you? When do you feel included? What do you think and feel friendship is?
For me it's huge, not quite gotten it down to something I can explain simply. I'm still learning what it is really, are you too? I know a friend listens, someone who loves to laugh, loves to share, accepts the other, someone who is touchable-I have to be able to touch someone to be their friend, something I've know for years, someone who will call me on my stuff, yet will hold each other when there are tears, authentic, truthful, up front, honest, compassionate and available for the other even if it's a 2 minute phone call just to say "Hey I'm thinking of you". I love that. Yet I know it's bigger then all of that, it's giving, recieving and being in silence together with comfort and being able to go do your own thing and be supported in it.
It's funny I know in one of my last emails I wrote about the pigeons that are looking outside themselves to get what they need-my interpretation anyway, but I also get that as humans we really are social beings, people they need touch and contact to live a full life. So there is a need of others, it's just when it gets to be an unhealthy need of "I can't be me without you, or I need you so I can do this or that or be that way". Yes it's great to do things with others but to always not do or be a certain way as the other person isn't there I think there an unhealthiness to it. We humans are funny creatures, analyzing everything instead of just being. Our minds-do you think birds think of all these things, nope, they are too busy being.
So I'm here at my old favorite restaurants, staying in my favorite ashram on the river, taking yoga, and relaxing, reading and writing before getting ready to leave India in a few short weeks-scares the crap out of me as I love this place. This is the hardest place for me to leave. I know I've lived here in many past lives and as hard as it is sometimes I get it.
Ok loves, I am off. I'd love to hear from you. I've love to hear your definition of friendship and what you think your greatest quality is as a friend and what you value in a friend? I send you great big hugs and so much love. Remember joy comes from within, so in each moment we are joyful, we just need to look inside within us to bring it out and share it with the world. Much love to you, Heather
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
The Beingness of Life in Pushkar!!!
Hello there my lovely Ones,
How are you? Well I finally left Pune. Yes, it took a bit, my supposed 1-2 weeks lasted 4 weeks and I still feel the calling to go back, so I'll see.
Right now I have moved up to Pushkar, WOW, WOW, WOW! I loved this place 7 years ago, where I spent my 30th birthday with Renee and now it's still amazing. A little hectic in comparison but honestly calmer than most places and the perfect place to be in my beingness and DO NOTHING! The world of nothingness is calling me and it's brilliant.
But let me start by telling you a bit about my journey here. Firstly I told you that my whole train got canceled the week before when I gave up and said "if I am to leave please let me leave, but if not I let go and let You take care of it" and sure enough I didn't go the earlier Friday. Talk about the power of the mind, canceling a train of thousands of people on it, pretty powerful, we must have all not wanted to go with the collective consciousness.
So the last few days in Pune were the best. I performed belly dancing with a two women and this man that came on and just was great chasing us around the stage and playing around with us. Then once all was over everyone got on stage and we all danced together-that was the best part, everyone laughing, dancing, and just being with each other. That was my good bye night of Osho's as the next day I felt complete, no urge to go back there. That was great as last time it wasn't so easy dragging me away from there.
I met this gorgeous couple that made my last few days in Pune just perfect. Besides really getting to take in Pune, walk around seeing life there, being in nature and just having a chai, reading and writing, being with them was amazing. My last day was the best as it felt like I was giving back to the Universe through them as I have been given so much on this trip and now I got to give part of what I know through Tantra and intuition. It was beautiful.
The day started with a walk on my own and then going to their sweet 2 bedroom home and we all fixed breakfast together and ate the most amazing porridge I've had, we all chipped in with fruit and nuts. We all ate, had the most incredible conversations and then I put on music and we danced. It started out a little odd, as dancing brings up so much for so many and we were adjusting to each others energies. And them being a bi cultural couple it changes things as well (she's Indian and he's from Australia). Well we danced, it turned into breathing in rhythem, then it turned almost cathartic, it went to childs play and then very animalistic and into petting and massage and laying onto the floor of groundedness bellies to the floor feeling mother nature taking us in.
We finally got up and got on the subject of relationship stuff, issues and I just started working with them, it was as if it was meant to be and so gorgeous. We talked, I showed them some exercises and man oh man it was just powerful to watch them go through their stuff. How empressive, present and courageous they were/are.
They ended up inviting me to stay in their spare room and so we talked to all hours of the morning, it was so amazing and so much chai that was the best chai with mint in it, I couldn't sleep. So after 3 hours of sleep and feeling at peace with my decision to leave though it would have been nice to be with them longer, they got me a rickshaw, fixed me my porridge, took care of me up until the end of waving good bye.
I got to Bombay and luckily I had little angels again, as I was told I wasn't supposed to change train stations but these Indian angels looked at my ticket and not only told me but bought my inner city train ticket, made sure I got to the right track and a little old woman made sure I got off at the right stop! Talk about easy.
The wait in the train station was an eye opener. People were as usual sleeping on the ground but was blew me away and I felt completely helpless with was seeing this Indian woman tie the hands and feet together,of her sweet daughter with no underwear on but a little dress on and then tossing her the other direction with no regard to the girls feelings, as if she didn't want to see her face. The little girl struggled to get free, didn't cry but just lay there struggling. Mean while I was stuck in my tracks, "do I go over and untie her?" I just seen a verbal almost physical fight between Indian women and they are strong women, I had no interest in being in the middle. I'm standing there holding my breath, right out there in the open, no embarassment from the mother, as if was normal to treat your child like this. I mean in the US if we'd do this we'd do it in secret on in the open-sad to say either way. But finally her father walked over and untied her. I couldn't move, I was so grateful for the father but still dumb founded by this. I finally walked on, my heart ached.
Then I saw a woman on the train tracks, no shame, just pooped away. I really get how lucky we are in the west. I mean, how many times do we see these things, experience these things. We don't have a caste system that condemns us from doing what we want in life. If we want to be a lawyer, we do it, but these people, they don't even fight to go further if toilet washing is their caste-which is the lowest of castes and that is why none of the toilets get cleaned as they aren't hired to clean the toilets. The westerners have to come in and clean them if we want them clean and if they are clean-which I've not seen who knows who has cleaned them.
So now I'm in Pushkar and learning the art of Beingness. Really just being, I wanted to leave the second and third day as I had nothing to "Do" and though I've craved this non doing and beingness as soon as I got it I wanted to leave. Be careful what you ask for. But it's been beautiful to get up and have no yoga class, no meditation, no anything I have to do. I get up and hear my little Indian friends words that said "come from your heart, not your mind" and I ask, what does my heart want right now? I want porridge or yoga, or a walk, or to be with friends and let me tell you, my heart has slowed down. I spent the whole day yesterday doing nothing, except being with friends, writing and reading and it was so amazing. I may just stay here for the rest of my trip in India, but it depends on what my heart wants.
I'm learning so much on how I want to run from my mind, as much meditation and vipassana as I have done it's still knocking saying, "hello, run, run, don't hear me, feel me, just think and run". Well I don't know when I'll leave, I have no where to go, nothing to do. I have some great women around me, first Americans I've seen and hung out with I think in India.
I was watching some pigeons this morning and I got a huge lesson from them. This male pigeon kept hopping from telephone line to telephone line chasing this female pigeon, she finally flew off. It looked as if he thought to go after her but didn't, he paused and then he jumped to the other line to get close to another pigeon and she moved over. He finally stopped and flew off. I got it so much in that, the more we chase, look, hunt for something, grasp for something we want outside of ourselves "please fulfill me, please give me what I feel I can't give myself" we are left alone and we can either keep doing this or stop it. We humans so many times want someone else to fulfill us, I'm guilty of this, but to see it in animals (now who knows what they were thinking but this is just my human projection as I am as I'd say in my language anthropromorphorizing-I know that is not the real word but it's mine!!!)that was incredible. We don't need anything outside of ourselves.
But then I feel connection with other humans is a need, so how to balance that we'll see. I mean we can survive without it but it's not too much fun. But we always go through life, if I had this job or that person, or that friendship or that car.....I'd be happy? Are we happy then or do we just want for something more? Osho says there are 3 stages of joy and happiness is the lowest form of joy as it is momentary, it doesn't last, joy is a level up but Bliss is the ultimate as it has consciousness, it's connected to source, our higher being. It's ever present. To get to Bliss we need consciousness, love, trust,self-forgiveness and self acceptance. These are key things to real bliss, I also think a good since of humuour is a good thing as well. I wrote a huge amount on this in my diary, maybe I'll write it out sometime for you if you want to hear it. It was pretty amazing.
We as humans really need to just start taking responsibility for our lives, our relationships, stop the blaming and just accepting ourselves and then the acceptance of others come. And in this communication is huge. So many of us were raised to say things like "you made me feel this way" or "he made me do it" but really who makes us feel or do anything. We feel a certain way, that's it, it our feelings so we own them. Then we can say "I felt this way when this happened" or even better if there is confusion "What did you mean by this? As I took it this way" and then we can open for a discussion instead of walking around blaming others for everything.
Anyway, I could go on for hours on that. I haven't embodied all of this but man oh man it's nice to be aware of these things more and more. The nothingness of just being, watching my mind is a full time job here. Really feeling my heart and asking what it wants, that's powerful. What does your heart want? Yesterday I wanted to be with friends for most of the day and got some alone time, so I did. Letting go that I have to entertain others if they are around me, as that is not my job. My job is to take care of me. My little Indian friend Manoj wanted to go hang out with me, he's the one that told to listen to my heart and not my head, I said, "my heart wants to go home and read so I'll see you later". Funny enough he wanted to go with me and by the time he got down the stares I had laughingly galloped off down the street! Boundries, getting better! Yes!
So everyday I go down to the lake, as Pushkar sits around this holy lake that the people go down too every day and for a culture that is all about covering up the pink parts (as I call them) the women take off their tops and bathe and then put their tops back on, the men go down to their underwear wash themselves and then get dressed and though nothing is cleaner a the water and the huge fish that come up and try to eat everything are living there-they aren't any holier then anything either. But the people feel their Karma has been washed away and they are cleaner for bathing there. India a world of contradictions of COVER UP/GO NAKED AT THE GHATS.
So I sit meditating or taking in the lake everyday and just be there. It's so peaceful. Well peaceful but man oh man the sexual energy either in this town or in me is going crazy. I know others are feeling it as the Indians keep coming around me even more-no thank you. Plenty of friends have told me stories of their rendevous with Indian men, not for me! I think this place just relaxes you enough to let all the hormones just turn on, pretty wild!!!! Other than walking around in the constant state of arousal it's quite a relaxing and soothing atmosphere.
I'm looking for a cooking class as when I get back I want to cook some great Indian food for everyone.
The thing I love most of Rajastan (the state here) is the colors, all bright colors, vivid and sometimes flourescent. It's amazingly powerful to see the brown streets, the green desert and then the bright reds, orange, yellow, greens and purples floating down the street with shear material blowing in the breeze behind them. They all cover their hair here, it's been told to me it's the most repressed state in India as the women, if married, still have to cover their hair and sometimes face. The hair being a very sensual part of the body and needing to be covered not to draw attention to it. But it's so gorgeous, though it's sad for the reasons behind it.
So I'm happy, I'm relaxed, I'm enjoying just being, eating great Indian food and sitting, doing healing work on myself, thinking about doing a cleanse, and fresh fruit juice every where. It's hot so you only want to eat one or two meals a day. I ate at 3:30pm the first time yesterday and started getting hungry again at 9:30pm as it started to cool off, yet I hate eating that late. But a samosa or two won't kill me, besides I hung out with friends until 12:30am. It's just so nice to be around these woman, lots of fun, laughter and just so relaxed!
Ok, there is so much more I can tell but I'll leave you with this and these photos's finally.
I love you, trust your gut, listen to your heart, make time for what's important and remember to smile and laugh more. I send you love, Heather
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Dancing at the Whole Being Weekend!
Hello there,
Here are two photos, one is from the poster at the Whole being weekend and the other one is the original, I love this photo. It shows me doing what I love to do most, singing and dancing. I hope to do more of this real soon.
I will write more soon, for now I wanted to share these with you. Much love and joy to you, keep your heart open and your joy over flowing. Love and hugs,Heather
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Nature has it's lessons!
Hello there,
How are you? How is your life? Your heart? Your friends? Your love? Are you living life and letting life live you? Well there are days I am living life and there are days that it's living me, both have had their experiences.
I'm still in Pune, even though I was to leave, with train ticket in my hand on Friday but I must have manifested something great. Friday morning I woke up and asked myself "do I want to leave" with no "reasons" given to stay, just what is the answer, yes or no, not, if I stay I could do this or that, just Yes or No.
Wow, how lovely to look at it as a want and not look at a result of why I should do something. While living in LA I got so result oriented and here I'm learning from Osho that doing something from the heart,the passion, with no reason, no result in mind is what brings us to bliss state. So I knew that I wasn't quite ready to leave Pune but wasn't willing to go through and cancel my ticket, so I said "I leave it to you Universe and I let go". Well long story short, I got a phone call from my travel agent telling me my TRAIN has been canceled. Talk about manifestation! I wasn't sad at all. So now I'm here.
Part of the reason I wanted to stay was I was invited to perform tonight in a variety show as a belly dancer. So that is what I am doing. Osho says "if you were born to be a dancer and you decide to be a book keeper instead and wonder why you aren't a dancer. It's because the dancing jobs and gigs are being sent to your dancing address, and you are not there. You are a book keeper and not at the dancing address so it can't get to you". Well this hit home since all my life I have known to my core I'm a dancer, singer, and that I've always wanted to act and write as well and love nature. So I opened myself up to dance and here it came. Twice in a week I was offered to dance on stage. I would love to send photos or video it but it's not allowed in the resort. So can't do that. I'm learning a ton, it would take me a long time to tell you all of it.
So I'll go on to nature, this is one of many that I have written about and in nature these past weeks being here where it's lush and green, rivers flowing and birds chirping:
Watching a tree as it dances in the wind above my head. the branches moving, bending, flowing. The leaves shimmering, moving with the current of air rustling through them, just being. Trees all always in movement, maybe even very still movement but movement is still there-like humans sleeping-we still breathe which causes movement. What's fascinating about trees are they are always letting go. Something is dead on it or from it and it just let's it go.
I lay there underneith it's branches and it drops all kinds of presents on me from it, just letting go. We humans have things die and we hang on to them, we begrudge them, drag it around, dig them up later and think about them. We don't go with the flow of now but live in the past. When will we let go? Cut the past, let it die and let it lie? Nature shows us so much. No thought, no accumulating, no money. Just dancing and the birds come and sing in them. The trees sing having their own song to sing if you listen closely.
Beautiful, full of air, leaves whisping around. Nature is happy, peaceful, in bliss state. As Osho says "Nature is happy, not that they have a choice in it, but us humans do" so what are we going to choose today, tomorrow, and for our life? Breathe in and let it go!
I can't tell you what I've been through in the past weeks of being here. It's been so beautiful to connect with nature, myself, gorgeous, open hearted people on their path. Meeting two glorious Brazilian girls to laugh, touch, share and play with has been lovely, they are two of my neighbors and my other neighbor from Jordan he has the most beautiful heart. He finished his thesis on deaf and dumb people. He is writing a book on how to teach them from his computer program he's made. How wonderful! He is a great inspiration for me! And it's wonderful giving him inspiration for newness in his life, family, etc-as he has two gorgeous twins at home!
Another thing I wrote since I've been here:
When was the last time you danced in the rain? I mean really danced in the rain, TOTALLY!
To play, dance, splash, be a child, be a child adult! Get wet and wild. Get your hair wet, your clothes wet, maybe even a little dirty or a lot dirty! Not to think of getting ill or cold, just being in the rain. Seeing it feeling it, smelling it, tasting it. Seeing each rain drop fall until one lands right in your eye! How lovely! It's as if the Universe is asking you "Are you watching"? Splash, right in the eye! "yes you are watching, good, great! you see me, feel me and I love you. I bathe you and we are one. We dance and sing together. Thank you for seeing and feeling me. I feel you too".
When do we stop and feel the rain, really feel it and love it, dance and be EN-JOY with it! EN-JOY!
Another one:
Watching a Butterfly in it's Eratic flight
It's like a human. it's always buzzing around all over the place, doing, doing, doing. Going here, not there, not here but there, never stopping more then moments at a time. It eats gets nourishment and flits off. Who knows if they actually stop to even release what they've eaten. Even though they are gorgeous in fight, so stunning and captivating to watch, they are never still for very long. Isn't that like us? Creatures of the doing, letting go of the being. Yt for us it's about money, career, fame, etc. For them it's about survival. We think we ned these things to live but what do we need? We need love, good friends, fresh air, nutritious food and laughter to have a beautiful life. But even a few of those things we can excits without. But it makes life more full to have. What do you need today, to live, to exist? What do you need to be BLISSFUL?
This is one of my first ones I wrote here in the pond outside of the auditorium:
I watch the rain drops on the water outside Osho's Auditorium and how they ripple like sound waves, so quickly. They just hit the water and before you know it the ripples are their and gone before you can hang on ore really see or feel them. They are so quick, like life. If you don't see it or feel it, be aware of it, slow down to be with it, it's gone.
Just like a falling leaf. If you don't pause you don't see it's dance floating down to the water or the ground. or how it lands. there is so much we miss by doing. We do so much-for what?-money, things, power, society, family-why the doing, when do we let go of it. Even in retirement when you ask a retired person how they are they reply busy and they haven't a clue how they worked and did what they do now.
So when do we stop, pause, look, listen, enjoy and celebrate this moment? When....Not tomorrrow as it's not here and this moment is gone. Our children grow up so fast, we don't say, I wish I would have worked more, we say I wish we were there more for them, to see them grow, laugh, walk, talk, play and learn from them-as they are truly our teachers, in the moment, full of life, laughter and love.
So when, when do we pause? when we have to-death or when the doctors say lay down or/and die?
There is so much to see and feel why do we continually do do do? This is the question I ask myself I unwind from still the doing of life.
Ok, well I could write so much more. But this is part of what I've learned, grown through and going through and I wanted to share my writings with you.
I send you love. I hug you. What do you want to do with this day of your life?
Love, Heather
How are you? How is your life? Your heart? Your friends? Your love? Are you living life and letting life live you? Well there are days I am living life and there are days that it's living me, both have had their experiences.
I'm still in Pune, even though I was to leave, with train ticket in my hand on Friday but I must have manifested something great. Friday morning I woke up and asked myself "do I want to leave" with no "reasons" given to stay, just what is the answer, yes or no, not, if I stay I could do this or that, just Yes or No.
Wow, how lovely to look at it as a want and not look at a result of why I should do something. While living in LA I got so result oriented and here I'm learning from Osho that doing something from the heart,the passion, with no reason, no result in mind is what brings us to bliss state. So I knew that I wasn't quite ready to leave Pune but wasn't willing to go through and cancel my ticket, so I said "I leave it to you Universe and I let go". Well long story short, I got a phone call from my travel agent telling me my TRAIN has been canceled. Talk about manifestation! I wasn't sad at all. So now I'm here.
Part of the reason I wanted to stay was I was invited to perform tonight in a variety show as a belly dancer. So that is what I am doing. Osho says "if you were born to be a dancer and you decide to be a book keeper instead and wonder why you aren't a dancer. It's because the dancing jobs and gigs are being sent to your dancing address, and you are not there. You are a book keeper and not at the dancing address so it can't get to you". Well this hit home since all my life I have known to my core I'm a dancer, singer, and that I've always wanted to act and write as well and love nature. So I opened myself up to dance and here it came. Twice in a week I was offered to dance on stage. I would love to send photos or video it but it's not allowed in the resort. So can't do that. I'm learning a ton, it would take me a long time to tell you all of it.
So I'll go on to nature, this is one of many that I have written about and in nature these past weeks being here where it's lush and green, rivers flowing and birds chirping:
Watching a tree as it dances in the wind above my head. the branches moving, bending, flowing. The leaves shimmering, moving with the current of air rustling through them, just being. Trees all always in movement, maybe even very still movement but movement is still there-like humans sleeping-we still breathe which causes movement. What's fascinating about trees are they are always letting go. Something is dead on it or from it and it just let's it go.
I lay there underneith it's branches and it drops all kinds of presents on me from it, just letting go. We humans have things die and we hang on to them, we begrudge them, drag it around, dig them up later and think about them. We don't go with the flow of now but live in the past. When will we let go? Cut the past, let it die and let it lie? Nature shows us so much. No thought, no accumulating, no money. Just dancing and the birds come and sing in them. The trees sing having their own song to sing if you listen closely.
Beautiful, full of air, leaves whisping around. Nature is happy, peaceful, in bliss state. As Osho says "Nature is happy, not that they have a choice in it, but us humans do" so what are we going to choose today, tomorrow, and for our life? Breathe in and let it go!
I can't tell you what I've been through in the past weeks of being here. It's been so beautiful to connect with nature, myself, gorgeous, open hearted people on their path. Meeting two glorious Brazilian girls to laugh, touch, share and play with has been lovely, they are two of my neighbors and my other neighbor from Jordan he has the most beautiful heart. He finished his thesis on deaf and dumb people. He is writing a book on how to teach them from his computer program he's made. How wonderful! He is a great inspiration for me! And it's wonderful giving him inspiration for newness in his life, family, etc-as he has two gorgeous twins at home!
Another thing I wrote since I've been here:
When was the last time you danced in the rain? I mean really danced in the rain, TOTALLY!
To play, dance, splash, be a child, be a child adult! Get wet and wild. Get your hair wet, your clothes wet, maybe even a little dirty or a lot dirty! Not to think of getting ill or cold, just being in the rain. Seeing it feeling it, smelling it, tasting it. Seeing each rain drop fall until one lands right in your eye! How lovely! It's as if the Universe is asking you "Are you watching"? Splash, right in the eye! "yes you are watching, good, great! you see me, feel me and I love you. I bathe you and we are one. We dance and sing together. Thank you for seeing and feeling me. I feel you too".
When do we stop and feel the rain, really feel it and love it, dance and be EN-JOY with it! EN-JOY!
Another one:
Watching a Butterfly in it's Eratic flight
It's like a human. it's always buzzing around all over the place, doing, doing, doing. Going here, not there, not here but there, never stopping more then moments at a time. It eats gets nourishment and flits off. Who knows if they actually stop to even release what they've eaten. Even though they are gorgeous in fight, so stunning and captivating to watch, they are never still for very long. Isn't that like us? Creatures of the doing, letting go of the being. Yt for us it's about money, career, fame, etc. For them it's about survival. We think we ned these things to live but what do we need? We need love, good friends, fresh air, nutritious food and laughter to have a beautiful life. But even a few of those things we can excits without. But it makes life more full to have. What do you need today, to live, to exist? What do you need to be BLISSFUL?
This is one of my first ones I wrote here in the pond outside of the auditorium:
I watch the rain drops on the water outside Osho's Auditorium and how they ripple like sound waves, so quickly. They just hit the water and before you know it the ripples are their and gone before you can hang on ore really see or feel them. They are so quick, like life. If you don't see it or feel it, be aware of it, slow down to be with it, it's gone.
Just like a falling leaf. If you don't pause you don't see it's dance floating down to the water or the ground. or how it lands. there is so much we miss by doing. We do so much-for what?-money, things, power, society, family-why the doing, when do we let go of it. Even in retirement when you ask a retired person how they are they reply busy and they haven't a clue how they worked and did what they do now.
So when do we stop, pause, look, listen, enjoy and celebrate this moment? When....Not tomorrrow as it's not here and this moment is gone. Our children grow up so fast, we don't say, I wish I would have worked more, we say I wish we were there more for them, to see them grow, laugh, walk, talk, play and learn from them-as they are truly our teachers, in the moment, full of life, laughter and love.
So when, when do we pause? when we have to-death or when the doctors say lay down or/and die?
There is so much to see and feel why do we continually do do do? This is the question I ask myself I unwind from still the doing of life.
Ok, well I could write so much more. But this is part of what I've learned, grown through and going through and I wanted to share my writings with you.
I send you love. I hug you. What do you want to do with this day of your life?
Love, Heather
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Mysore to Pune-WOW! What a Journey!!!!!
Hello there,
Yes, I know it's been a while. I guess life has just taken me away. But you are never far from my thoughts. So I guess the last time I wrote was when I left Kerala. So let me back up to Mysore. Mysore was this great city that had an amazing Palace that they lit up with thousands of lights on Sunday nights.It was magical, breath taking, stunning and like a fairy tale castle at night. By day, well let me just say this, taking a walk around this place, I thought "Oh this will take an hour" well the glass ceilings, edges of the walls and ceiling that were painted with angels, birds, peacocks and designs just left me thrilled and after 3 hours of stairing upward toward the painted ceilings and the colored glass I was blown away and pooped! My chiropractor is going to love me-literally, as he tells me looking up is a good thing for the neck as we spend so much time looking down it screws up the spine.
But anyway, I met Christine, which I think I told you about and she made sure I did some touristy things, like going to ruins, temples, etc. Not my thing really but honestly after taking over 300 photos of all the tiny intricate details of these relics of shiva, shakti, and many other Gods and Goddesses, I was done with being a "tourist". We ran around a few cities, missed our last bus out and had to go to another city to get another bus to the city we needed,which is the same city we forgot to get off at early that day-I suggested we jump off the train as it had just started moving but she wasn't all that keen on it and if you knew how heavy my bag was you may not have jumped either-I'll be sending some of those 14 books and new clothes home soon!
But we got to the city we needed, had an incredible dinner for something like a dollar or two and then sat at the train station-almost took a "retiring room" which is a room with a bed in it. But instead I took my comfy yoga mat, threw it down on a bench, put my head in Christine's lap and rested. There was no sleep with all the loud speaker things being screached across the train station. So our train got in only a half hour late at something like 2:30am and we were off to Hampi.
Hampi, OH, Hampi. A town I LOVE. Did I say LOVE, yes LOVE. I felt at home there, I felt at peace there. It was lovely, no traffic, no horns,no cars to dodge. Just venders trying to sell you things but other than that peace, beauty and fresh air.
Sitting next to the river in the morning after my yoga practice I'd watch the locals come and bath in their shorts for men and full on saris for women. Then they'd do laundry by smacking the clothes against rocks and concrete of the steps. Then once a sari was washed they'd go and lift it up to dry some in the wind,just blowning in their arms. Then they'd lay it down on the concrete railings to dry in the sun. So colors were every where!
The little kids would run around naked brushing their teeth with their grand father trying to get them to bathe in the river. They'd finally get there. It was stunning.
Then there were the huge banana fields amongst all the brown desert with green bushes growing amongst all the dryness! There were a ton of ruins there, I spent a whole day by foot exploring and it was just glorious to be out on foot for the whole day, with the sky threatening to rain. But just before it was to rain a rickshaw driver with already 3 people in it stopped and did the most incredible thing. He told me to get in, he was going to Hampi. I asked "for free" he told me to get in, knowing I was going to get drenched and didn't charge me a thing. I was grateful! The kindness of these people at the perfect time just opens me, reminds me to trust and to really just be and I am fully taken care of in so many ways. How have you been taken care of this week? It's nice to look at and appreciate those moments. I've had many on this trip and I lay in gratitude for these people!
So I went shopping for gorgeous clothes in Hampi, first time I felt like shopping. I think it's because it had the Rajastan feel and they have the most incredible clothes there! So it was nice.
I left there as I wanted to see Christine one more time before she left Pune and this is where I have spent my time the past days. But first I have to tell you about the woman I met on the train. Her name is Chandra, from India and she shared some lovely stories of Yoga with me, she shared food with me and she shared about her family. She gave suggestions on where to study yoga and she was my "mother" while I was on that train, making sure I was safe and sound. She knew I had to get off the train at 2am and she made sure she was awake to make sure I got off the train and that she kept her eye on me until I was off the train. I felt her heart, she was beautiful and I was such in gratitude to meet her and share such special hours with her.
I got to Pune a week and a half ago to see Christine, I stayed at a friends house here in Pune and met up with Christine. We walked around what used to be a sweet,fairly quiet Koregeon Park where Osho's now Resort is. Well nothing quiet outside the gates of Osho's,it's crazy with cars and people now. I thought to not go in but would think about it.
Well I got sick again with a fever. Thankfully Christine's friends who are all part of an organization to take in homeless women and to give them shelter and train them in something where they can work and be empowered as self suffient women. Luckily they were there. Long story short I was in the so called "hospital", with 6 beds on a drip for my dysentary and they finally were able to tell me what I had-it's the same thing as last month. Some bacteria got in my blood and they call it a blood infection. Well what ever it was it's dead now. As much as I told them "no anti biotics" wellI got them anyway,they snuck them in when I slept, when I'd go to the toilet they'd put them in my drip. I'd tell them to change my drip bag but they'd still do it later. Well after two days I was all well, walked out with the bill of $36.00 for 2 days in the hospital! It was a fun experience and I'm grateful that bug is killed now!
I'm now at Osho's, yes I changed my mind and happy I did. Though my first day was intense starting at 5:30am and going to Dynamic Meditation at 6am, having a full on day of meditation, walking around, eating and meeting a new friend or two along the way and a few old ones! Did the Aum meditation that night and went to bed finally at 4am. Yes I was up a long time. a very long time. And if you don't know much about Osho's work, most all his meditations are active, sweaty and aerobic and full of dance. Well for someone who hasn't danced since Sivanda and never for hours out of a day you can say I was pooped! So I took my maroon robe off, washed it, hung it up to dry and rested the whole next day! Shew!!!!!
Now I'm used to the program. My lungs have been stretched, my heart has been worked, my calves are getting used to all the jumping around in the meditations and so I'm getting in shape as well as I can now hold my arms up for the full 10 minutes of the Who, who, who in Dynamic meditation! Very exciting! I think that first day I dripped out about 4 liters of water including the Aum meditation. It was intense and cathartic and grilling but very much worth it!
Being here I miss my lil' sis, Renee,who was here with me the last time. She and I traveled 3 months together in India and we shared a space for that whole time and now at Osho's the memories flood me-I miss you Renee. Now she's in San Francisco with husband and baby,taking care of life! And then there are a whole mess of other people I reflect on here that I made such deep connections with and just smile in gratitude. You know who you are, I miss you too!
So I'm enjoying my time here, yet it's not the same, not as warm hearted, not as connected. It's low season so very few people and the energy of the people is less connected but the meditative energy of the resort is still beautiful, fulfilling and grounding. I'm happy about that. I feel my mind focusing, finding and feeling stillness. It's having me crave Vipassana again- as they do a one hour vipassana each day! Nice memories. So I'll be here a few more days, but since there is a missing link some where in this space I feel I'll be leaving soon,possibly see my friends at the center- the friends that fed me at the hospital,made sure I didn't leave their place until I was fully well and made sure I was comfortable and fed.
These women took me out to their villages-I don't have the website now but I'll get it to you, they do fabulous work for these women in these villages. They have 3 or 4 villages, some for children, some for older people, some for not mentally functional and they take care of them all. These people were all so full of love, so giving, so generous and all heart. I got to see even deeper the true India here with these lovely people. No one wanted anything from me,just to say hello, offer food and show us their creativities and work. It was really mind blowing and heart opening to be with and near them. The real India behind the tourist areas.
So I can go on and on, but honestly I'm sure this is enough. I'm sure there is so much I've forgotten to tell you. But how can I put them in words and I don't have the 36 hours to sit here and write to you all that I have to share.
Know that I miss you,I love you and wish you a peaceful heart, loving friends and family all around you and plenty of laughter (I did a laughing meditation-wow, intense, hard at first but after a while it came out. So incredible! One hour of laughing, or a little less actually).
I'd so love to hear from you. Remember what Osho's says, which I'm trying to implement- speak from your heart. I love that line!
Much love and many hugs to you, Heather
Yes, I know it's been a while. I guess life has just taken me away. But you are never far from my thoughts. So I guess the last time I wrote was when I left Kerala. So let me back up to Mysore. Mysore was this great city that had an amazing Palace that they lit up with thousands of lights on Sunday nights.It was magical, breath taking, stunning and like a fairy tale castle at night. By day, well let me just say this, taking a walk around this place, I thought "Oh this will take an hour" well the glass ceilings, edges of the walls and ceiling that were painted with angels, birds, peacocks and designs just left me thrilled and after 3 hours of stairing upward toward the painted ceilings and the colored glass I was blown away and pooped! My chiropractor is going to love me-literally, as he tells me looking up is a good thing for the neck as we spend so much time looking down it screws up the spine.
But anyway, I met Christine, which I think I told you about and she made sure I did some touristy things, like going to ruins, temples, etc. Not my thing really but honestly after taking over 300 photos of all the tiny intricate details of these relics of shiva, shakti, and many other Gods and Goddesses, I was done with being a "tourist". We ran around a few cities, missed our last bus out and had to go to another city to get another bus to the city we needed,which is the same city we forgot to get off at early that day-I suggested we jump off the train as it had just started moving but she wasn't all that keen on it and if you knew how heavy my bag was you may not have jumped either-I'll be sending some of those 14 books and new clothes home soon!
But we got to the city we needed, had an incredible dinner for something like a dollar or two and then sat at the train station-almost took a "retiring room" which is a room with a bed in it. But instead I took my comfy yoga mat, threw it down on a bench, put my head in Christine's lap and rested. There was no sleep with all the loud speaker things being screached across the train station. So our train got in only a half hour late at something like 2:30am and we were off to Hampi.
Hampi, OH, Hampi. A town I LOVE. Did I say LOVE, yes LOVE. I felt at home there, I felt at peace there. It was lovely, no traffic, no horns,no cars to dodge. Just venders trying to sell you things but other than that peace, beauty and fresh air.
Sitting next to the river in the morning after my yoga practice I'd watch the locals come and bath in their shorts for men and full on saris for women. Then they'd do laundry by smacking the clothes against rocks and concrete of the steps. Then once a sari was washed they'd go and lift it up to dry some in the wind,just blowning in their arms. Then they'd lay it down on the concrete railings to dry in the sun. So colors were every where!
The little kids would run around naked brushing their teeth with their grand father trying to get them to bathe in the river. They'd finally get there. It was stunning.
Then there were the huge banana fields amongst all the brown desert with green bushes growing amongst all the dryness! There were a ton of ruins there, I spent a whole day by foot exploring and it was just glorious to be out on foot for the whole day, with the sky threatening to rain. But just before it was to rain a rickshaw driver with already 3 people in it stopped and did the most incredible thing. He told me to get in, he was going to Hampi. I asked "for free" he told me to get in, knowing I was going to get drenched and didn't charge me a thing. I was grateful! The kindness of these people at the perfect time just opens me, reminds me to trust and to really just be and I am fully taken care of in so many ways. How have you been taken care of this week? It's nice to look at and appreciate those moments. I've had many on this trip and I lay in gratitude for these people!
So I went shopping for gorgeous clothes in Hampi, first time I felt like shopping. I think it's because it had the Rajastan feel and they have the most incredible clothes there! So it was nice.
I left there as I wanted to see Christine one more time before she left Pune and this is where I have spent my time the past days. But first I have to tell you about the woman I met on the train. Her name is Chandra, from India and she shared some lovely stories of Yoga with me, she shared food with me and she shared about her family. She gave suggestions on where to study yoga and she was my "mother" while I was on that train, making sure I was safe and sound. She knew I had to get off the train at 2am and she made sure she was awake to make sure I got off the train and that she kept her eye on me until I was off the train. I felt her heart, she was beautiful and I was such in gratitude to meet her and share such special hours with her.
I got to Pune a week and a half ago to see Christine, I stayed at a friends house here in Pune and met up with Christine. We walked around what used to be a sweet,fairly quiet Koregeon Park where Osho's now Resort is. Well nothing quiet outside the gates of Osho's,it's crazy with cars and people now. I thought to not go in but would think about it.
Well I got sick again with a fever. Thankfully Christine's friends who are all part of an organization to take in homeless women and to give them shelter and train them in something where they can work and be empowered as self suffient women. Luckily they were there. Long story short I was in the so called "hospital", with 6 beds on a drip for my dysentary and they finally were able to tell me what I had-it's the same thing as last month. Some bacteria got in my blood and they call it a blood infection. Well what ever it was it's dead now. As much as I told them "no anti biotics" wellI got them anyway,they snuck them in when I slept, when I'd go to the toilet they'd put them in my drip. I'd tell them to change my drip bag but they'd still do it later. Well after two days I was all well, walked out with the bill of $36.00 for 2 days in the hospital! It was a fun experience and I'm grateful that bug is killed now!
I'm now at Osho's, yes I changed my mind and happy I did. Though my first day was intense starting at 5:30am and going to Dynamic Meditation at 6am, having a full on day of meditation, walking around, eating and meeting a new friend or two along the way and a few old ones! Did the Aum meditation that night and went to bed finally at 4am. Yes I was up a long time. a very long time. And if you don't know much about Osho's work, most all his meditations are active, sweaty and aerobic and full of dance. Well for someone who hasn't danced since Sivanda and never for hours out of a day you can say I was pooped! So I took my maroon robe off, washed it, hung it up to dry and rested the whole next day! Shew!!!!!
Now I'm used to the program. My lungs have been stretched, my heart has been worked, my calves are getting used to all the jumping around in the meditations and so I'm getting in shape as well as I can now hold my arms up for the full 10 minutes of the Who, who, who in Dynamic meditation! Very exciting! I think that first day I dripped out about 4 liters of water including the Aum meditation. It was intense and cathartic and grilling but very much worth it!
Being here I miss my lil' sis, Renee,who was here with me the last time. She and I traveled 3 months together in India and we shared a space for that whole time and now at Osho's the memories flood me-I miss you Renee. Now she's in San Francisco with husband and baby,taking care of life! And then there are a whole mess of other people I reflect on here that I made such deep connections with and just smile in gratitude. You know who you are, I miss you too!
So I'm enjoying my time here, yet it's not the same, not as warm hearted, not as connected. It's low season so very few people and the energy of the people is less connected but the meditative energy of the resort is still beautiful, fulfilling and grounding. I'm happy about that. I feel my mind focusing, finding and feeling stillness. It's having me crave Vipassana again- as they do a one hour vipassana each day! Nice memories. So I'll be here a few more days, but since there is a missing link some where in this space I feel I'll be leaving soon,possibly see my friends at the center- the friends that fed me at the hospital,made sure I didn't leave their place until I was fully well and made sure I was comfortable and fed.
These women took me out to their villages-I don't have the website now but I'll get it to you, they do fabulous work for these women in these villages. They have 3 or 4 villages, some for children, some for older people, some for not mentally functional and they take care of them all. These people were all so full of love, so giving, so generous and all heart. I got to see even deeper the true India here with these lovely people. No one wanted anything from me,just to say hello, offer food and show us their creativities and work. It was really mind blowing and heart opening to be with and near them. The real India behind the tourist areas.
So I can go on and on, but honestly I'm sure this is enough. I'm sure there is so much I've forgotten to tell you. But how can I put them in words and I don't have the 36 hours to sit here and write to you all that I have to share.
Know that I miss you,I love you and wish you a peaceful heart, loving friends and family all around you and plenty of laughter (I did a laughing meditation-wow, intense, hard at first but after a while it came out. So incredible! One hour of laughing, or a little less actually).
I'd so love to hear from you. Remember what Osho's says, which I'm trying to implement- speak from your heart. I love that line!
Much love and many hugs to you, Heather
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